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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want parents to know my address?

36 replies

summerpetunia · 14/05/2025 12:22

I have just moved house which is closer to all my immediate family because of work.

My parents keep asking to come over but I don’t want them knowing my address.

My dad told me “We will ask you first before we give your address out to family members who ask and may want to visit”.

I don’t talk to one of my siblings due and I definitely do not want this sibling coming to my house at any given time and I think it’s a possibility considering my dad has a habit of talking everyone’s business.

I have young children and this particular sibling is quite nasty to his own kids hence one of the reasons I have cut my ties (was also very verbally abusive to me as a kid)

I do want my kids to see their grandparents but just not at my house as I like my privacy and I am now at a point where I am happy and at peace in my life and don’t want family just popping up unexpectedly.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MyHazelLurker · 14/05/2025 12:52

This reply has been deleted

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EuclidianGeometryFan · 14/05/2025 12:49

MyHazelLurker · 14/05/2025 12:44

Complete over reaction and quote frankly I hope they all cut you out

Imagine your kid turning round and saying you won't let them tell you where they live

I can see that you have no experience of, or understanding of, toxic families and the need for low or no contact.

OP - it is perfectly reasonable to not tell your parents your address. However, as MyHazelLurker says, there will be an issue as your children grow up as they may tell your grandparents, or may not understand the need for secrecy.

Your best bet is to change jobs again, so that you can move further away - at least three hours travel so that visits have to be arranged in advance.

MyHazelLurker · 14/05/2025 12:44

Complete over reaction and quote frankly I hope they all cut you out

Imagine your kid turning round and saying you won't let them tell you where they live

bigboykitty · 14/05/2025 12:44

It sounds like you have every reason to hold this boundary with your parents, @summerpetunia . I agree with the suggestion that you swerve the conversation about your address, but I would also prepare a 2 line statement about your decision in case they really push it, which sounds likely that they would. Something like 'we won't be sharing our new address with you but will be happy to meet up at yours/on neutral ground '. No explaining, no justifying. Very clear. Do you need to talk to schools about privacy in case they try to play detective?

Endofyear · 14/05/2025 12:38

I mean, it's quite unusual for your parents not to know where you live! How long have you been NC with your sibling? Do you really believe that he would come to your house and harass you if he knew where you lived? If so, I would explain that to your parents if you have a good relationship with them. If you truly believe they would tell your sibling where you are, then I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Original poster
summerpetunia · 14/05/2025 12:37

I would say back in my younger years they were toxic and were/are pretty awful parents.

They seemed to or calmed down but I would rather meet them at arms length.

Never helped me in life, allowed my sibling to verbally abuse me.

They have a habit of just turning up people’s houses, and for my own sanity I don’t want them knowing my address to avoid potential issues.

My OH is keen for the kids to see their grandparents and dosent want the kids to feel as if their missing out.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 14/05/2025 12:36

It’s a bit weird to not want your parents (who you have a good relationship with) to know where you live.
It sounds like you could do with a serious sit-down chat with them about your strong feelings of privacy and distance from your sibling, and the necessity that they do not know where to find you. If they take this on board, you may then feel able to have your parents to your home. If they still don’t seem to get it, they will at least understand why you don’t want them to know, and hopefully they’ll accept your decision with no more nagging.

Eenameenadeeka · 14/05/2025 12:32

It is unusual, but if that's what makes you feel comfortable then I'd just suggest a place to meet up instead.

AlastheDaffodils · 14/05/2025 12:31

Unless your parents are really toxic and you are deliberately going very low contact with them this is really weird. I would be massively upset if I had an adult child who literally would not tell me their address.

Dreichweather · 14/05/2025 12:29

I would say it would be lovely to see you. Let go to the park/lovely cafe/NT place. Shall we say Sunday at 12?

Just deflect and offer an alternative.

Lottapianos · 14/05/2025 12:27

Sounds like you feel the need to keep your family at arm's length for your own safety and sanity, so I think you're making the right decision. I can relate, so well done for being pragmatic and sensible about this