To not want parents to know my address?

Stop contact with these awful people.
Block their numbers.
Do not give them your address ever.

I think if you feel you have valid reasons for them not having your address then you should just go no contact. Saying we'd love to see you but wont tell you where we live is really odd.

Ditto
I moved away and they found out my phone number and address
They make a point of sending me Google images (that they've screenshotted but they try to make out as if theyve taken it as they drove past) and I get loads of withheld phone calls (which I've blocked)
It's only a matter of time before they show up on my doorstep-but dp has promised to shut the door in their faces if they do
Toxic familes are crap to deal with

YANBU. Your parents have treated you badly and you're keen to avoid your DC experiencing anything similar.

I think you're right to withhold your address. DH will just have to trust you on this and do as you ask. Not all families are good for you.

Do your best to keep your distance and your privacy. That is your right.

I do think they will find out somehow though, so brace yourself for that.

Why on earth do you want to meet them at all? You don't need to wait for them not to talk to you you can cut contact. And I wouldn't be letting them anywhere near my children!

Honestly from what you say I can understand why you only want to meet them in public places.

I am at a bit of a loss why your dh is anxious for his children to have a relationship with these people.

One thing I would suggest is meeting them in a very busy spot so they can not follow you home. They sound like they do not respect boundaries.

Your partner needs to listen properly to you and understand you are protecting your children from your abusive family.
You're right to keep your address to yourself.

I think it's a bit odd. You might as well go no contact with them. If that's how you feel. If somebody took this attitude with me I just wouldn't bother with them.

I think so far as your oh goes I have two things which you might like to say to him. One is that a child's right to a safe happy childhood trumps any right for them to "know their family" and that on this occasion, over this situation, he is going to have to trust you. And if he can't do that then thats a serious problem.

Your instincts sound spot on to me. In my view, your job in life is to protect your children, provide positive role models and promote their wellbeing and, secondary only to that, your own. It doesn’t sound like your parents have contributed much that is positive or good to your life and they continue to sound quite toxic. Why then should a rational person think that it is in your children’s best interests to be in their company?

Maybe buy a book about toxic family for your partner. There’s one often recommended on here but I can’t remember the title.

'They both are pretty awful actually and my sibling has inherited all the nasty traits of them unfortunately and it took me years to get to a good place mentally.'

OP, I think other posters have made good points about asking yourself whether you actually want to expose your children to these people. If they have been awful to you, and messed with your head very badly, is it wise to allow your children to have contact with them?

'Refusing to give your parents your address is categorically NOT normal behaviour.'

No it's not normal, but she has given us plenty of information about how she is not dealing with a 'normal' situation with her family

We went through a period where our ILs would just “drop by”, and having driven several hours to get here, (yet given us no notice) they would then end up staying all day.

It got really difficult if we had plans/were ill/had a chilled weekend/had work or homework or chores to get done etc and they would just show up and make out that we were the difficult ones if we didn’t entertain them all day with continuous food and cups of tea and conversation, whilst they sat there inn the way.

Covid was an absolute blessing, especially as they were stuck abroad for a chunk of it, we realised then how relaxed we were knowing they couldn’t just “pop by” or cause an argument because we dared to be out of the house, living our lives when they did.

My situation only got resolved when my DH sadly died and they caused an almighty row over money (which wasn’t theirs), the funeral (which wasn’t religious as they wanted, but my DH didn’t) and various other things. I banned them from the house and it’s been one of the best things I’ve ever done for my MH, and that of my DC; my kids have never seen adults argue since.

I honestly think if my DH was still alive, we may have moved and not given our address; it’s like a black cloud permanently overhead, threatening to ruin your day knowing that they couldn’t arrive at any time.

I agree completely. Unless there's something very significant that you're not saying, I think it's incredibly offensive not to tell your parents where you live.

Perfectly reasonable. You should only give your address out if you're happy for those people to have it.

This is all completely ridiculous.
To be honest, I think amongst all the pseudo-psychologist phrases and the modern obsession with 'boundaries (although only your own of course - other people's are unreasonable and rude) we have completely lost sight of what should be considered normal behaviour. Refusing to give your parents your address is categorically NOT normal behaviour.
I have read a fair few ridiculous posts on MN, and this is right up there among them.
I am standing by for posters to tell me they were beaten and locked up in the cellar by their parents, but the vast, vast majority of posters who are for ever banging on about 'toxic' parents and 'trauma' have suffered nothing worse than being brought up by the norms of the time.
We need a complete reset, we really do.

Does your OH understand and (sorry) believe your reasons?

Imagine having had an awful childhood with toxic parents and abusive siblings and not wanting this toxicity to affect your own children.

I would imagine that it would be a relief to OP if they all cut her out.

Imagine being as clueless as @MyHazelLurker who can't even understand that some families are awful and for your own well-being you have to physically keep your distance. Toxic people bulldoze over boundaries, particularly if they don't agree with them.

Don't give your address to them @summerpetunia if they can't respect your boundaries. You won't be able to relax in your own home. I come from a toxic family and ended up moving away, going NC and not giving out my address to anyone known to my family. They still managed to find out my address and now send me letters, fortunately they haven't turned up at the door, but it's just a matter of time.

Well those are all valid reasons for not giving them your address.

Will your children benefit from a relationship with your parents? Your OH doesn't want your kids to miss out on a relationship with their grandparents but if they are toxic grandparents and treat them like they treated you during your childhood, I wouldn't see any value in letting them see your parents.

It’s a bit odd but it’s your boundary, which is fine, you have your reasons. However be prepared for them to have boundaries too and they may not be accepting of yours. Going very LC would be easier , if they are toxic why would you want them near your kids…?

We are not giving out our address
we are not having visitors to our home
we are keeping our address private
we don’t want visitors
we are not in a position to host any visitors
we do not have the capacity to host
we want to meet you outside of home
we look forward to seeing you at the pub
we enjoy seeing you out and about

we prefer it that way
it’s what we prefer
we don’t want to get into a discussion about it
it’s just what we have agreed to do
wed like you to be understanding of the arrangement

Super weird not telling your parents where you live especially as you've moved near to them