Is 2 months of dating too soon for the exclusivity chat?

Me too. Stuff everyone shagging around for a couple of months while they see if there is anyone better out there. I’d be thinking that I’m worth more than that.

I also am of the mindset that if I'm sleeping with someone then I'm not sleeping with anyone else!
Sadly, if you fear he is doing that then usually that fear is right (been there myself!)
Ask him, and update us.
If he is, then his loss.

Def, cats you can understand, we women don’t have to put up with it

Personally I’d have the chat after 3 or 4 dates. You need to know if you’re on the same page. If he’s still out there looking, I’d assume I’m not the one for him. People know pretty quickly whether they’re interested in a relationship or not. If your happy with a more casual situation then that’s fine, but it’s still worth having clarity.

I must be old fashioned too, because if we sleep together just ONCE, I expect exclusivity, and always have.

Exclusivity is the absolute bare minimum of commitment and it's a conversation that can be had on the first date if you want to. You're not asking him to marry you.

It's gross, isn't it. I'd be leaving the shag happy alley cats and their wandering willies to it and fucking off with my self esteem still intact.

Very wise, you never undo that intimacy

Each to their own but this is wild to me- maybe I'm just loose but I quite often slept with people on the first or second date in my single days. I most certainly wasn't exclusive with them all! (Although I have been with my now DP for several years now and he was one of those lucky fellas.)

OP, I think 2 months is fine, and others say- overdue. My DP and I had the talk after about a month I think. I was definitely still seeing other people at that point, not sure if he was (I didn't ask/don't care) but once I realised it was just him I wanted and we had the chat he was the only one.

Same here

https://www.thefp.com/p/loveless-sex-is-not-empowering

This whole labels thing does my head in - my DD is early 20s + been exclusively 'talking to' a guy for a few months, which in my mind makes them GF + BF, they've even been away together but until he officially asks her she won't say he's her BF which means she can't introduce him to anyone. Modern dating makes me feel very old sometimes and very glad I'm not part of it!

Totally agree

Same @UnctuousUnicorns I only know about this from my DD.

In my day exclusivity was assumed from day 1 and having two people on the go was two timing and would result in an immediate dumping. I’m shocked young women will have sex with a guy who sleeps with other women. The situationship is another horrible disrespect.

Does anyone know when this need for a chat started to happen. I know it’s a thing as have an early twenties DS. His timeline was like this. They chatted for a couple of weeks and within 2 to 3 weeks of first meet they had the exclusivity chat. Then and this sort of blew my mind they became an official BF/GF after a further 3 weeks. I assumed the exclusivity chat meant they were GF/BF.

@Iloveeverycat I think it can be either though I do know that it was DS who asked her to be his GF. He cooked her a lovely dinner when he asked, I know because he ran the menu past me.

I've never had this chat as i would never date/see someone if it wasn't exclusive. Always had my cards on the table from day 1, if he's speaking to someone else too then i'm not interested.

I think I’d of had it before, I tend to sleep with people once I’ve decided it’s going somewhere.

I only know about being excusive now as my DD in their 20s told me how it is now. The thing I don't like it is only up to the men to decide whether they want to be exclusive or not the woman at all.

We had it after 2 days.

We were friends before though.

We never had it and he’d been on it a while, but both were deleted pretty much from the first date. id just ask tbf if he was still on after 3 dates I’d be dumping him anyway.

"I never even knew the "inclusivity chat" was a thing until I read about it on MN"

Me neither. I'm so glad I've been out of the dating pool for almost thirty years.

this!!
I never even knew the "inclusivity chat" was a thing until I read about it on MN. I remember mentioning it to my BF and he didn't know about it and assumed that if we've reached the point of jumping into bed together several times we were exclusive!! It must definitely be an age thing!

"Well I feel ancient. The "exclusivity chat" didn't exist when I was younger: if you were seeing someone it was taken for granted that you weren't seeing anyone else!"

Budge up on that fogey bench; my middle aged arse wants to join you.

I knew after one date, dh claims he knew before he met me, I cancelled my dating apps before leaving the car park. If after 8 weeks one or other of you aren’t sure i would question whether it’s right

Listen you need to set your own standards not adapt them to somebody else's. There is absolutely no point asking him if he's still on hinge then getting upset.

All you can do now is -
Accept it doesn't feel right and move on.
Accept it doesn't feel right but stuck with it because you've made a decision your happiness is unimportant. (DONT DO THIS).
Or ideally
Recognise that you've gone cart before the horse here with not having the conversation before intimacy but ask him for a chat, ask where he sees this going etc. And TELL HIM "just to share with you where I'm at; at this point in I'm not interested in continuing to see someone who is still keeping his options open. That strikes me as an indecisiven or flighty person and I don't think we would be a good match. I feel at this point it should be clear if we are ready to put down the other distractions and see where this goes. If that doesn't feel right after two months better to walk away."