Is 2 months of dating too soon for the exclusivity chat?

Multi dating = horrible American import. We seem to have imported a lot of ideas from America except one. The way they deal with Child Support I suspect thats because the latter would affect men

Fuck knows! DH and I considered ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend after the first couple of dates, although we didn't sleep together for three months, and it was automatically taken that we were exclusive, not that that particular word was ever used back then. It's very confusing. 🤷‍♀️

So what’s the criteria for boyfriend/girlfriend????? @Butchyrestingface

Well I feel ancient. The "exclusivity chat" didn't exist when I was younger: if you were seeing someone it was taken for granted that you weren't seeing anyone else!

I'm the same.

Even more confusingly, my colleague had to explain to me that although her son (late teens) had been seeing someone for months and they were exclusive, this didn't mean they were actually 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. Therefore they could not refer to each other as such.

Apparently that's ANOTHER conversation to be had. 😵‍💫 🤯

Well if you are accepting of that, then you make a rod for your own back.

It's got nothing to do with 'modern dating' btw. It's a concept that's been normalised to excuse being a twat to other people.

You can choose to play this game or you can choose to ignore it. But don't talk about it as if it's something you have to passively accept. It isn't.

Was the rise of this awful (sexist?) “exclusivity chat” norm and strung out negotiations to reach official BF/GF status linked to the rise of tech enabled relationships, ie dating apps?

I think its sexist, because it favours casual relationships, which (a lot of) men prefer. And I'm sure tech has a lot to do with it. Given the amount of negotiating it takes to get a relationship off the ground, I'm amazed anyone ever gets married!!!

Sexist or otherwise, in the world not populated by jack rabbits, it used to be safe to assume that "going out" with someone automatically meant that the two of you were exclusive, unless one was a dirty two timing cheat. How times have changed for some people.

If it's not taken as read when you start sleeping together, that's the time not to have an exclusivity chat, but the time to dump.

Gauge what's happening. I'm dating someone and had sex on 2nd date. Seen maybe 3 times staying his Friday and going for something to eat. Anyways we were chatting on message chatting about houses etc etc and I said eventually I wanna move and buy a 3 storey etc he wants a garage bla bla we both own homes. Anyways I said bet it's nice having own home just yourself (i have kids he doesn't) as you can do what you want, when you want and bring whoever back you want. He replied he hasn't brought anyone back in that way I'm the first etc and he's very factual. I know he has female friends so I them said I wasn't insinuating anything I meant more like friends and he said yeah friends coming bk etc etc and I joked saying something well fwb then lol and he replied he's never had a fwb. He also said he only speaks with one woman at a time but it's ok if I wanna see others which I'm not Anyways. So just ask slyly if your shy.

The exclusivity chat never used to be a thing. If date one was a success then it should be automatic, but I’d say date two is a perfectly suitable occasion if such a conversation is needed.

My mum used to speak of dating multiple lads before she met my dad, and warned of getting too serious too soon. I should mention now that to her, "dating" meant going to the cinema, walking in the park, chatting etc. with no more intimacy than holding hands and maybe a peck on the cheek on parting company. It definitely did not mean screwing around multiple people. And nor did it mean that when I came to dating, thank fuck.

glad to see you are going to raise it with him. And absolutely if he is on board each agree to get yourselves tested.

and if he doesn’t agree, please, please drop him. Don’t need nothing if that in your life. Of course you will catch feelings for him. All the best.

Goodness, I’d be having that chat long before taking my clothes off. Have you taken regular STD tests?

What a surprise - not! Aka of course it fucking has. 🙄

Why is it sexist for people to ensure everybody is on the same page?

If it’s enough time to have sex it’s enough time to discuss exclusivity.

Was the rise of this awful (sexist?) “exclusivity chat” norm and strung out negotiations to reach official BF/GF status linked to the rise of tech enabled relationships, ie dating apps?

Is that where it came from? Or somewhere else?

Can it be put back in the box it crawled out from?

I really understand you’re feeling nervous, you need to know and your gut instinct is bothering you. I assume you would end things if you get the wrong answer?

How very selfish of him

This is what the article ive linked is about. Sexual liberation has benefitted men more than women

But definitely not too soon for her to decide that he's a slimy arsehole - on yer bike, creep. At least, I'd hope that's how she ended it.

There was a recent thread, the OP had been seeing a man for 3 months, they were sleeping together, and he stated it was too soon for him to decide if she was his girlfriend or not. Just grim.

I'm like a few other posters, old enough to remember when if you were seeing someone, 'exclusive' was the default.

Whilst I recognise that women can also choose to be non-exclusive, the whole situation seems very weighted in men's favour

About a month too late if you must have it.

I still think that chat sounds weird. Generation after Generation have managed without it.