Page 6 | Is 2 months of dating too soon for the exclusivity chat?

confused2233 · 2025-05-14T09:01:44+00:00

I have been dating this guy for just under 2 months now. We’ve seen each other about 7/8 times so on average once a week. We’ve slept together a lot and I think I am starting to get some feelings. I think I want to ask him now if he’s dating other people. Even though he seems really into me, I just have a feeling he is still using hinge as I’ve seen it pop up on his recent apps on his phone. I don’t know how to approach this though and whether it’s too soon, and also what to do if he says yes.

LittleBearPad · 18/05/2025 14:00

confused2233 · 18/05/2025 13:20

Saw him yesterday. I asked, he said he isn’t seeing anyone else but isn’t sure whether he wants to commit to exclusivity…. really not the answer I was hoping for, or expecting to be honest 😔

So he wants his cake and to eat it too. I’m sorry OP. Better you know though.

JenniferBooth · 18/05/2025 14:00

ArtTheClown · 18/05/2025 13:53

I've always considered it extremely poor form not to be exclusive from when you first get together in any sort of more-than-friends way.
The whole having to have a talk about exclusivity is a nasty American import - if I'm seeing someone and they see someone else, they've cheated and they can fuck off.

Yep i said exactly the same thing. Funny how we havent imported the way they deal with Child Support isnt it

User5274959 · 18/05/2025 13:59

Well done for biting the bullet.
There's not a wrong and right you just both want different things. So sounds like you need to say that doesn't really work for you and move on.

You are worth someone who wants to explore things with only you.

Butchyrestingface · 18/05/2025 13:58

confused2233 · 18/05/2025 13:20

Saw him yesterday. I asked, he said he isn’t seeing anyone else but isn’t sure whether he wants to commit to exclusivity…. really not the answer I was hoping for, or expecting to be honest 😔

I was borin in the late 70s so don't think of myself as 'old' yet but can scarcely wrap my head around this modern phenomenon.

I'd dump from a great height.

Snailiewhalie · 18/05/2025 13:58

Ditch him

Philandbill · 18/05/2025 13:56

Absolutely agree with @ArtTheClown. Can't believe that people think it's ok to see more than one person when they're sleeping with someone. My generation called it two-timing and would ditch the person doing it. Please get rid, you're worth more than this.

WayneEyre · 18/05/2025 13:54

Ah sorry. If you're dating with a view to a relationship I'd move on. He hasn't made any promises so it's been fair game but I wouldn't waste any more time. If he was keen he'd give things a chance with just you.

ArtTheClown · 18/05/2025 13:54

Saw him yesterday. I asked, he said he isn’t seeing anyone else but isn’t sure whether he wants to commit to exclusivity…. really not the answer I was hoping for, or expecting to be honest 😔

You're worth more than this. Please end it and find a guy that actually wants a real relationship with you.

ArtTheClown · 18/05/2025 13:53

I've always considered it extremely poor form not to be exclusive from when you first get together in any sort of more-than-friends way.
The whole having to have a talk about exclusivity is a nasty American import - if I'm seeing someone and they see someone else, they've cheated and they can fuck off.

ballroomblue · 18/05/2025 13:52

confused2233 · 18/05/2025 13:20

Saw him yesterday. I asked, he said he isn’t seeing anyone else but isn’t sure whether he wants to commit to exclusivity…. really not the answer I was hoping for, or expecting to be honest 😔

Sorry, OP. I'd ditch him. I don't care if it's the 'modern thing' or not. You're not a try until you buy doll. Gross.

northernballer · 18/05/2025 13:51

I would finish it tbh, he is enjoying shagging you while waiting to see if someone better comes along. So gross, you deserve to be treated with more respect.

Enrichetta · 18/05/2025 13:43

Do read Women Who Love Too Much, @confused2233 - I promise it’ll help you put strategies in place to help you and stop you from being messed about with by men like this.

JenniferBooth · 18/05/2025 13:39

confused2233 · 18/05/2025 13:20

Saw him yesterday. I asked, he said he isn’t seeing anyone else but isn’t sure whether he wants to commit to exclusivity…. really not the answer I was hoping for, or expecting to be honest 😔

Knew it. Men are loving this new "modern" dating.

Original poster

confused2233 · 18/05/2025 13:20

Saw him yesterday. I asked, he said he isn’t seeing anyone else but isn’t sure whether he wants to commit to exclusivity…. really not the answer I was hoping for, or expecting to be honest 😔

OP posts:

Original poster

confused2233 · 14/05/2025 23:19

@Springtime43 haha yes I am, just about 😂

eeek I am nervous about having the chat, but it’s definitely due. I’ll update this thread afterwards 😬

OP posts:

Nsky62 · 14/05/2025 22:07

cramptramp · 14/05/2025 14:15

Me too. Stuff everyone shagging around for a couple of months while they see if there is anyone better out there. I’d be thinking that I’m worth more than that.

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We all are

User5274959 · 14/05/2025 20:56

Would be way overdue for me too,

I don't want to sleep with someone who is also sleeping with someone else.

Springtime43 · 14/05/2025 17:18

OP, are you still with us?? I hope we’ve given you food for thought!

Springtime43 · 14/05/2025 17:12

The reason modern dating is hard is because women’s desperation to be “picked” and for a man hands total control/power over to the men. It would have been inconceivable pre internet dating that someone would be dating /sleeping with a guy and for it not to be assumed it was exclusive.. if they were seeing others an automatic dumping offence. Now women are too scared to even bring it up .. why ?

Sadly, this is true

BunnyLake · 14/05/2025 17:12

Butchyrestingface · 14/05/2025 17:06

What did your son say? Was his mind blown at how things used to work?

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Yes a bit 😂 He said he couldn’t call her his gf until he’d had the ‘chat’, even though they were mad about each other and didn’t want either to date anyone else. They’re still quite young (early 20s), met in real life not online, but it couldn’t be official until the chat. I got a text a few days later to say they’d had the chat and all was good. Ah young love.

Butchyrestingface · 14/05/2025 17:06

BunnyLake · 14/05/2025 17:00

I was saying this exact thing recently when my son had his ‘exclusivity’ chat. I told him when I was younger if someone asked you out and you said yes it was a given you were both available and if you had your second/third date and continuing you were bf/gf. I think it must have been online dating that brought about the exclusivity chat as people can meet lots of other ‘candidates’ at the same time.

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What did your son say? Was his mind blown at how things used to work?

BunnyLake · 14/05/2025 17:05

JHound · 14/05/2025 16:23

Why is it “safe to assume that automatically means exclusivity”?

According to whom? Assumptions are a dangerous thing. This is why people have conversations to make sure everybody is on the same page.

Edited

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Well it did in my day. You were either dating exclusively or you were a two timing cheat.

BunnyLake · 14/05/2025 17:00

Littledidsheknow · 14/05/2025 10:12

Well I feel ancient. The "exclusivity chat" didn't exist when I was younger: if you were seeing someone it was taken for granted that you weren't seeing anyone else!
Anyway, after 2 months of a sexual relationship I'd have thought that exclusivity was quite important and should be established. I wouldn't want to be sleeping with someone who was sleeping with an unknown amount of others! Just ask.

I think I'd be a bit irked that he wasn't already making it clear that you were his only one though...

I was saying this exact thing recently when my son had his ‘exclusivity’ chat. I told him when I was younger if someone asked you out and you said yes it was a given you were both available and if you had your second/third date and continuing you were bf/gf. I think it must have been online dating that brought about the exclusivity chat as people can meet lots of other ‘candidates’ at the same time.

SpryCat · 14/05/2025 16:54

I think women are at a disadvantage when they sleep with someone not knowing if they are regarded as just casual, as after sex we tend to feel more invested in a person

Notquitegrownup2 · 14/05/2025 16:51

Don't feel nervous about having the chat next time! He's liked you enough to keep going for 8 weeks. He too might be 'catching feelings'. (I'm too old to use that phrase without speech marks!!) However if he does want something casual, and let's you go, it's his loss. You are fabulous! He's lucky you are giving him the chance to be exclusive with you. And if he's not there yet, you can part ways with your head held high, knowing that you have had a good 8 weeks with him, but set the boundaries to suit you, and that you are now free to go and look for someone who wants the same things as you.

Then work on you. Work on doing the things you want, avoiding the things and people who make you less than fabulous. Have fun. Get fit. Take up a new hobby, and believe that you are worth loving, so that when someone comes along who likes you, you can build on that together.