To tell exH he can’t wfh in my house while daughter is at school

He helped in an emergency but things have moved on now. Even if you had a healthy relationship I can see why this may be uncomfortable. But given his self-serving boundary jumping, it would be a hard no.

If your children are old enough to let themselves in then couldn't he just collect and drop - no need to enter your home? And work from cafe or library or wherever?

Please tell me he pays proper maintenance?

Ha! "I'll see"?! Tell him to jog on!

I’d suck it up for a few weeks.

I assume if you say no then there’s a danger he says well he won’t be able to help with your dd as the increase in travel time would impact on his job too much. And then you’ll be dumped with having to sort it all out yourself

Classic male entitlement.

I have a very amicable relationship with my ExH.. but he still isn't allowed in the house on his own because i don't trust him not to snoop in my bedroom. I don't blame you OP.

He can go to the library, and quite frankly if he DOES take a key, that means you have grounds to ban him from your house altogether.

I would convince him not to WFH in your house by telling him that you know he still loves you and he’s trying to weasel his way back into your life by being in your home more, but you just don’t feel the same way about him.

Act sympathetic and caring and look like you feel sooooo sorry for him being so desperate to be near you that he has to use any excuse he can to be in your home at the slightest opportunity.

Then let him prove you wrong by going elsewhere.

I totally understand why you don't want him in the house OP. No way would I even have left him in my house with dc there (talking for myself)

I would have to find a work around and deal with it myself. What would you do if his work wasn't as flexible or if he wasn't willing?

If it's only for a few weeks then I think I'd let him. If you don't want him to then message him saying, I'm sorry but I don't want you wfh at mine.

OP, think about what you'd say to me if I insisted I was going to let myself into your home and work from there because it was easiest for me. Then say that to him, because the position is really no different.

I'd be more worried about him snooping

Can you change the lock to one that locks when he leaves without a key and then move the key you have to a lockbox?

I would also agree that if you need him to do the school run, you need to drop the kids at his place on your way to work, so that he is NOT in your house at all. And/or speak to your employer to find a temporary flexible working arrangement for the final weeks of the summer term so that you can phase her back in fully without him.

Abso-fucking-lutely. I bloody despair reading some of the replies.

I definitely understand why you don't want him there but I think I would just suck it up to get through these next few weeks.
What's the plan for the summer? Do you need to work? Will you need him to do some parenting? I think it's going to be much easier to put down a hard line at the end of term than it is now.
Can you arrange in summer that the kids don't need the key? If so, I would make the start of the holidays the new locks / new key location moment.

And the locks!

If it's a key safe then change the code

If it isn't then get one!

Can they not be on their own between you leaving and him picking them up?
And I second the question about maintenance too.

This is a crazy situation really. What's to stop him turning up at your house to 'WFH' whenever you're not there?
The next few days are very awkward for you but you have to set very clear boundaries, with him and the kids. Give the kids their own keys or have a key safe and they are NOT allowed to give him the code.

Tell him your wifi has been acting up and change the password, or take the whole wifi box with you to work and say you’re getting someone to look at it! I’d put cameras downstairs in communal areas of the house and lock doors of rooms you don’t want him to go in. It does sound like a control thing tbh if he is saying you don’t have a choice in whether he works in your house.

Not obvious enough for you apparently. He’ll be inside the house before the OP leaves for work as he is taking the dc or he’ll be outside the house waiting for DV to come out. So he’ll have access to the front door key

Is this a joke? He's their father. He's not doing a favour - it is called parenting. He should be doing school drops offs and NOT expecting to use his ex-wife's house as his base for the day.

It's obvious that OP is always the bigger person. Her ex-husband is a shit dad who never looks after the children on his own or overnight. She must be sick of being the responsible parent 24/7 without a break.

Won’t it be better for your child if he is close by? If it’s a phased return it won’t last too long I’m guessing. When your child is back full time in school he can go back to working from his home

I understand why you don't want him in the house on his own Op, but if he knows where the key is he could let himself in any day anyway. Once your DD better move the key, but until then it's him or unpaid leave.

Can I ask whether your exh pays maintenance for his kids? If he has a good job and he has never had them overnight, I would assume that he would be liable for quite a lot of maintenance. I'm wondering because you do seem to tiptoe around him so as not to upset or anger him even though, objectively, he sounds like a poor father and a waste of space.

If you aren't claiming, you should do so as soon as possible as that would help you afford to take unpaid leave in circumstances such as these.

I can't believe some of these replies - she doesn't want him alone in the house, after looking after his children (which he barely does otherwise)

Why ON EARTH is that a problem - he can go to Costa or the library for a couple of hours (hell, I've worked from my car in a carpark when it wasn't worth going back home inbetween school pickups)

He's not doing her a favour, he's picking up a bare minimum of childcare (she's doing all the rest of the pickups/dropoffs!)