To tell exH he can’t wfh in my house while daughter is at school

I am gobsmacked that some people think this is okay!? Whaaaat!?

Absolute no from me. The only reason he even sets foot in your house is for child care reasons, not to suit him. Definitely don't let him be there on his own.

Maybe he has one of those mini mobile Wi-Fi things…but I’d still tell him to do one!

@ZebraPyjamas if you have to let him work at yours . I’d get a lock for your room .Id hate the fact too of my ex (old life ) in my house ( fresh start) I totally understand your feelings.
Say no and see how he reacts . If he’s liking to not help at all then you may have to allow it .

This ship has sailed (for now).
He has just stayed in the house for days when the OP was in the hospital with DD

@ZebraPyjamas is this right - you go to work and your ex comes to take the kids to school?? is there no breakfast club at school? drop them there and then no need for ex at all. I would not have ex in the house at all now that you are divorced!! he does not get a say in the matter. your house, your rules! also demand that he takes the children for at least one overnight a week! lazy shit that he is! I would also get a new lock on front and back doors because I wouldnt put it past him to have a spare himself!! also, are you aware how much electricity he is using in your house while he is wfh because you are paying for that?? laptops are now cheap to run!!

🤣 🤣

Who even does that !!!!
I think that would be such a weird thing to do ,
Spy on him 🤣

He can use the coffee shop but if you do let him use your home, set up a couple of webcams to monitor his activity.

I don’t understand why you don’t just tell him no.

‘no, not ‘I’ll see’, you can’t work from my home.

easy peasy. If he goes and lets himself in, ring him and tell him to leave otherwise you’ll call the police.

I honestly don’t know why it’s a problem. Even in front of the kids. A simple ‘sorry that doesn’t work for me, make an alternative arrangement for work that’s not my house.

I do think this is a trickier one than I first thought and I'd hope any reasonable co-parenting team would just do what is best for this very short period of time. However as he hasn't exactly been a co-parent I don't think you need to do anything to support him. Do you have a backup plan if you say no to this and he says he therefore won't do any of it? Other family members or some sort of compassionate leave from your work?

But presumably he has to leave the house and lock up, still having access to the key.

I don't know about these things, but can you get a keypad entry with a code that the (presumably) older kids can use to come and go, but one that you don't have to use the code to lock up, the door locks itself behind him IYSWIM. Assuming he is just leaving with child, rather than arriving with child, then he doesn't need the code.
Failing that just tell him that he absolutely can not work from your home!! While there are no children there to look after!

buy a small key safe like the ones you see on airbnbs. only give the number to your children. make it something they can remember but dont tell exh then he has no access to your key either.

Can you sort other arrangements for childcare?
He really shouldn’t be looking after your other children as well (the ones that aren’t his)?

The issue is the entitlement. That he can pick and choose if he has access to your house, whether he uses it or not. It’s triggering the underlying issue that he is also able to pick and choose how much childcare he does, how involved he is etc. You do not have that luxury. You are carrying the responsibility for everything day in and day out.

He could become self sufficient and be a proper father by securing his own accommodation and therefore parenting properly - but he chooses not to. He gets to call all of the shots. It’s all on his terms, which is why you are annoyed. Understandably.

So there was much more to the ‘I see’ than it first appears. It’s not his bloody decision.

On that basis I would say no, find a coffee shop. My house is not going to be appropriate as the emergency is now over. I am going to restore my own boundaries. He is doing this for his dd, not for you.

I’m going against the grain here but personally I’d feel the current situation requires more flexibility from him and you to make it work. It’s hard having a child off school and it’s great that you and he have been able to coparent through this without either having to take loads of unpaid leave.

But I would explain that as soon as your daughter is going to school full time he will not be able to access the home.

I wouldn’t want my ex in my house under any circumstances and YANBU to say no. However I think you have blurred the boundaries a bit by letting him live in the house when the children needed looking after. That has given the message that you’re ok with him being there so he now thinks he can push that to his advantage.

You need to be very clear that he can’t use the house and then either get a key safe or make other arrangements so that the key isn’t accessible.

Him doing the drop offs isn’t doing you a favour. It’s his kids and he should be doing that anyway. And it doesn’t mean that because he is doing it, that you need to feel grateful and allow him to take advantage. Set clear boundaries with him op. What a joke of a man, 20 min to travel back home is nothing at all.

I can't see how old yoru children are.

Could they have a key in their school bags so that they have a key but he can't get it?

Then when this three weeks are over you could hide the spare?

Facts, statements, they will stand you well if you feel fragile.

Would he be willing to pay you what you’d lose in wages, in lieu of doing the childcare himself?

How many kids did you have by him?

OPS daughter has to be picked up at different time to the other kids so how can she ask a friend whose child goes to the same school ? Also, there is a medical visit , it’s not everyone you will like doing that, or that her daughter will feel comfortable with, so as far as paying someone to do it goes 🙄 , I’d say safely , not on the table ..
It’s one day , she is not relying on her children’s father too much ! ! !