To think that a 35 year old man setting his dating range to age 21+ is revolting?

What is with this narrative that it’s based on jealousy?

I’m only 30 myself, and happily married with a toddler and a baby on the way. I think it’s grim because I would have absolutely nothing in common with a 21 year old. We’re in different stages of our lives. I’ve had significant relationships, established a career, had children. When I was 21 I’d only just finished university and was going out on the piss multiple times a week.

Also, I was that young girl. I had a fling with a 36 year old male when I was 19 and he relentlessly pursued me. I was flattered by the attention and enamoured by the older man who would no doubt be amazing in bed (he wasn’t) and responsible (he wasn’t). I still see him around and he’s pushing 50 now. It makes me shudder that I ever thought it was an attractive prospect! I was just a body to him, bragging rights to his friends and a distraction from all the things he was failing at in life.

So yeah, I think it’s grim, and I’m far from jealous.

100% jealousy.

The level of hatred when it's an ex-husband is not surprising but nasty.

YANBU @colachive It really is quite hilarious how so many men feel entitled to a much younger woman. On dating sites it's not unusual for a middle aged/slightly older than middle aged man (45-59) to be looking for a woman between 22 and 35. Of course it's not that weird for an older man to fancy a younger woman, something to do with being attracted to youth and fertility or some bollocks like that, but the amount of men who think they deserve a woman 15+ years younger is hilarious. Most 20-something and 30-something women I know wouldn't touch a man more than 10 years older with a bargepole! The majority of middle aged men/older men have nothing to offer a woman.

The few women who ARE attracted to 'older men' and actually do settle down with them do live to regret it from what I have seen ... A woman I know who is 46 now met her DH when she was 24 and he was 38. She saw a wise, mature, attractive, sexy older man, and hilariously thought other women were jealous of her. 22 years on, she is 46 and he is 60. He is a miserable, curmudgeonly, grumpy git who is always tired, always 'ill' and who has several hobbies that cost a fortune. He spends on himself, whilst she walks around in threadbare clothes she has had for a decade or more. He sees it as his right to spend the money, because he earns it.

She had 3 kids with him when she was 26, 33, and 39, and has not worked since she was 25. He gives her the bare minimum to live on, and has a face like a slapped arse half the time. The age gap is palpable now. She can't leave though, as she has 3 kids (youngest one is 7,) she has no money of her own, nowhere to go, and she hasn't worked for 2 decades, so will find it almost impossible to get a job. She's trapped. With a miserable older man, being kept in near penury, and with no way out, and she can look forward to spending her late 50s and her 60s being her husband's carer. She's already his handmaid and servant!

Jealous of that? Yeah right! 😆Hell would freeze over before I would go for an much older man!

So it was your partner who suggested he lower his age range to 21+ for a shag? You might think it’s gross but it was your partner who suggested this. I think you’re protecting these feelings of grossness because you think that if anything happened with your partner he would also be trying to bang 21 year olds? 21 years old is as adult. Two consenting adults having sex is not against the law.

Just because it's not illegal doesn't mean it isn't revolting. YANBU.

my partner’s attitude of “21 year old girls are good for a shag” is what I find revolting -

With you there - but TBH most 21 year old have more sense and will only be interested if there a lot more in the plus column than the minus of large age gap.

I don't think stating 21+ is revolting per se, no. I think it would be revolting if the range was 21-29. But 21+ just says to me that they don't feel a need to focus on age, provided the person is an adult. However, I do find what your partner said My partner advised him to set his age range from 21 “if all you want is a shag” is pretty revolting!

I met my husband at 21, was in a relationship with him from 22. He is more than 10 years older than me. We are happily married over 30 years later and I don't believe there was anything revolting about our relationship.

I think some older women are jealous of men their age, dating younger women, so they lash out about it.

Why are there so many threads infantilising early-20s women recently? Is this something the weird religious right are pushing?

You get these very strange threads on MN in particular where an ostensibly "feminist", or at least anti-men, opinion is actually about how silly young women don't know their own minds.

The answer is "none of your business", anyway.

Actually, no.

I've watched assorted friends recently get to the point of wanting babies, and they are at least 10 years ahead in maturity, of men their age ..

I'm starting to think this age gap might be a good thing. 25yo mum and 40 yo dad.

Is that, like, one of the ten commandments, or is it a more recent law?

Unless it's 12+ and you typed the numbers the wrong way round this really isn't...

a) an issue
b) any of your business.

I am with you OP - pretty grim.

35 year old men were great boyfriends when I was 21+!
There was nothing uncommon about uni students going out with young professional.

More disposable income, own home, and making a lot more efforts than a roommate who could barely be bothered to offer you a beer.

Nothing revolting, and stop patronising 21+year old young woman thinking they are naive children. They are WOMEN.

It was very common in the 80s for male teachers to have student girlfriends. Everyone looked the other way. There was a really famous murder case about a teacher on the northern beaches in Sydney who murdered his wife and moved his student girlfriend in. It was grim

Yes but times have changed and so.have attitudes
I'm 51 and remember Bill Wymann,marrying Mandy Smith when success 16 and he was in his 40,s having met her at 13 that wouldn't happen now

It didn't really happen THEN either. That's why it made the papers.

I was a child at the time and my WWII-born parents were absolutely disgusted by him and thought he should be flogged.

Yeah i would never go near a teenager even if it wasnt against the law. They are young and i have morals and i would never want to inflict emotional damage on someone.

Its a pity more men dont think like that. A lot of them never think about possible harm to others. They just think of themselves.

Some are ,my son had a full.beard and hairy chest at 16 he definitely looked like a man and a good few years older than his actual,age but ,as lovely as he was he was still very much a teenager he became unwell during yesrv11_and had to.spend a few weeks in hospital,and staff were always commenting that he looked a lot older
but at the same time he was having me bring chicken nuggets ect,for him.for his tea,and was watching cartoons,in his phone

Look at all the female teachers who are getting into trouble in the usa for having sex with thir 16 year old students.

Teenagers at that age are fully eveloped and i think its naive to say that biology doesnt form an attraction an adult and a teenager

. However those teachers are in a position of authority and they should definitely wait until the teen is out of their care and has grown up. I would never ever go near a teemager

The french president was a teenager in school when he met his teacher who is now his wife

And my parents had a four week age,and my dad was my mum's carer for years before she died in January ,he was exactly four weeks older than her.

my parents have a 13 year age gap. What is revolting now was the norm 50 years ago. Having said that it’s no picnic now for my dm as she’s now his carer.

No.I'm not you are being wildly OTT,trying to suggest because a man want to.date a young adult female that really they want to.date an underage girl.

Yes but times have changed and so.have attitudes
I'm 51 and remember Bill Wymann,marrying Mandy Smith when success 16 and he was in his 40,s having met her at 13 that wouldn't happen now

It’s not ridiculous at all. It’s realistic. You are being wildly naive.

Who made up that rule though? It’s just nonsense.