To think that a 35 year old man setting his dating range to age 21+ is revolting?

Exactly this.

How many 21 year olds want to date a middle aged nobody. Unless he's rich and famous he probably won't get that many serious takers.

Yes! Thank you. This exactly.

Lots of 21 years olds like older men. There was 17 years between my mum and dad when they met. My mum was 20. My dad and stepmum 23 year gap although she was 28 when they met.

Thats because we decided 18 is adulthood.

Secondly, I don't think intelligence or vocational competence makes up for the naivety and vulnerability that comes with young age. A child might have genius level Maths skills, but theyre still a 12 year old who needs a bedtime.

Oh, absolutely. But 21 isn't "young age", it's an adult.

It was the 90,s mental health wards at the time only usually had one nurse in charge of a shift i mean actually physically on the ward two was rare so as soon as they had passed their preceptorship they were in charge which was about six months back in the day.
Things may have changed since I left 10 years ago but even then two qualified nurses per shift was a luxury

Midwife here, I think that's actually an inappropriate level of responsibility to give someone who could only be quite newly qualified at that age. I know it happens, but I also happen to think that is partly why the health system has gone downhill and has always been patchy.

Secondly, I don't think intelligence or vocational competence makes up for the naivety and vulnerability that comes with young age. A child might have genius level Maths skills, but theyre still a 12 year old who needs a bedtime.

It seems like you don't really get it at 22 I was a fully qualified nurse in charge ( for shifts) of an acute mental health wards I was sometimes managing people both male and female alot older than me if I had dated one of my colleagues where would the power in balance be ?bearing in mind I was the one in charge?

There is really nothing to get. It's absolutely fine and none of the OP's business if a 21 year old woman chooses to date and man of 35. I'll tell you what is depressing - this patronising notion that an adult woman can't make her own choices. But if you don't get it, you don't get it I suppose.

goodness. I mean if you don’t get it you don’t get it but it’s fucking depressing

I agree. We're not talking about a teenager, or a boss/junior relationship. It's two otherwise unconnected adults deciding to go on a date.

What power imbalance?

There are all kinds of things that are "power imbalances" in a relationship. People in different levels at work, different wealth levels, more social or political power, different personalities.

And yet they have healthy relationships..

Not quite 21 but I slept with a 23-year-old when I was 44, saw him on and off for a couple of years as FWB. I'm now 47, my new DP is 29.

At 21 they are young women, not young girls.

@Youstolemygoddamnhouse exactly, there needs to be some sort of point where it's okay. Sixteen feels far to young to me, and eighteen still uncomfortable - but at some point you're an adult, and as there are no restrictions at all placed on you by law any longer at 21 (ie no longer needing parental permission to wed), that seems about right to me.

Ultimately, part of being an adult is making our own mistakes, too, as much as parents would I'm sure love to shield their children from that for the rest of their lives, if they could.

@ArtTheClown I really don’t get the reasoning behind some of this comments saying that 21 year old are still young girls and that men are predatory to find them attractive or want to shag them. Would these people say it’s predatory for a 55 year old man to want to shag a 40 year old? What age is it acceptable?

it feels predatory to me to think of wanting to take advantage of someone so young

But the majority of the intentions won't be predatory, it will just be two people who like each other. I am struggling to see where the advantage-taking comes into play.

I personally wasn't into older guys when I was 21, with the very odd exception if they were exceptionally cool and gorgeous. And therefore I just didn't go out with them - easy.
The 30-something goth club owner I shagged was great fun and I didn't feel taken advantage of at all, we became quite good mates after that.

So here we are back to infantalising, young women
Who can't make up.their own minds about who they want to date.

Creepy.

I remember dating a guy of 36 at that age, thought he was so cool. Now as an older person (well 42 lol) and more experience behind me I'd look at him as a right old creepy loser. The oldest swinger in town who can't get a woman his own age because he's too immature and they can see through his bullshit.

How old were you when you were engaged then married? Because 23 is only two years older than 21. Is your husband the same age as you?

Are you also worried about 35 year old predatory women wanting to take advantage of 21 year old boys? Do you view 21 year old men as so young and childlike or does that apply to only women? What is a real man though? The legal definition of a real man is someone who is 18 and male.

How do you know the men you were raised around would not view younger women in a sexualised way? Would they honestly tell you that they found a 21 year old women attractive? You can’t say they would never look as you can’t prove that. There is no way to prove that, well maybe a lie defector test but you can’t say they would never do that.

How should men act appropriately?

Surely everyone on earth has different life experiences? Someone at 35 could have lived a very sheltered life and a 21 year old could be the opposite, surely you can understand that is a possibility?

Why can’t a 35 year old be into the same things as a 21 year old? What the reasons? Does that also mean a 21 year old shouldn’t be into the same things a 35 year old is in to? Again why can’t a 35 year old go out all the time and stuff? If they are single then what exactly should they be doing. It seems like you want anyone who is 35 years old or over to live a boring life. Projecting?

I was married and having kids at 23 to a 33 year old, I’m not saying at that age I didn’t think I was full grown, just at this age and having daughters now I see 21 year olds as so young and children like, it feels predatory to me to think of wanting to take advantage of someone so young, it’s no offence to people in their early 20s I just think real men aren’t trying to prey on young women , they're mature and looking for someone their own age range. The men I was raised around would never be looking at women that much younger than them. The fact these guys are talking about women like theyre pieces of meat shows the type they are and it’s just pathetic to me. It’s nothing against women in their early 20s, I once was too, I just like men acting appropriately I guess.

That’s fine you can think that. But plenty of 21 year olds are married, have children, own homes/cars and professional jobs at that age. When do you think of women bring adults then? 22?

How dare someone at 35 like the same things as a 21 year old. How dare they go out all the time and stuff 😂😂

So would you say the same thing to a 45 year old shagging a 60 year old? A 30 year old and a 45 year old? And what age and age gap does it stop?

Surely it would depend on many factors? A 21 year old could easily have a good job, be successful and earn lots of money, own house/car and have a strong mind and personality? Whilst a 35 year old could be the opposite? So where is the power imbalance? Most importantly what are the factors to suggest a power imbalance?