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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that a 35 year old man setting his dating range to age 21+ is revolting?

366 replies

colachive · 14/05/2025 06:23

DP friend is in the process of getting divorced. He is actively on the apps, as he hasn’t had sex with his ex wife for 5 years, is pretty desperate. My partner advised him to set his age range from 21 “if all you want is a shag”, and down to 26+ for a relationship.

AIBU to find this gross? 21 year old girls will think a 35 year old man is ancient, no? He seems to think that that’s an acceptable age gap. For context I’m 37.

OP posts:
nomas · 14/05/2025 07:15

Yes, that’s gross, but I also think it’s a form of FOMO. When I was online dating, I would often see men aged 26 or so set their date range for women to 18 - 40. They didn’t want to miss out on any woman who would be interested.

FatLarrysBanned · 14/05/2025 07:11

Regardless of their age, men find women in their early 20's physically most attractive. Of course that is not saying anything about their personality, values, aspirations etc, but physically that's what they prefer, and he's after a bit of shagging about after a dry spell he's going to go for looks as his number one criteria.

www.businessinsider.com/dataclysm-shows-men-are-attracted-to-women-in-their-20s-2014-10#:~:text=CHARTS:%20Guys%20Like%20Women%20In,Of%20How%20Old%20They%20Get&text=It's%20a%20common%20cliche%20that,to%20men%20their%20own%20age.&text=To%20make%20these%20charts%2C%20Rudder,closer%20to%20their%20own%20age.&text=Still%2C%20it's%20harder%20for%20women,amount%20above%20his%20own%20age.%22

User37482 · 14/05/2025 07:08

Theres been an ongoing argument about this on twitter, a bunch of psychologists pointed out that the statistics show that when women say they want a man who’s older than them they mean 2-4 years, not 15. Women kept saying I’m not interested in old men and the men kept claiming that 21 year olds love 40yr olds. I remember being 21, 35 was fucking OLD.

I mean a woman would actually have to respond to his approach but I’d side eye any 35yr old who’s interested in 21yr old women. I’d think they are being a bit optimistic unless they are really really hot. My husband is 7 years older than me but I met him when I was in my early 30’s.

Butchyrestingface · 14/05/2025 07:00

I found 35 yo men attractive when I was 21. Older, obviously, but not "ancient".

My partner advised him to set his age range from 21 “if all you want is a shag”, and down to 26+ for a relationship.

I'd be worried more about your partner than I would his pal.

What's the pal's UPPER age limit? That to me is going to be the real smell test here.

heroinechic · 14/05/2025 06:52

Yes it is gross, what interest is a 21 year old woman to a 35 year old man, other than using her body? You need to be reserving your judgement for closer to home though, seeing as this came at the suggestion of your partner.

How many of the 35 year old women on here would consider sleeping with a 21 year old man?

safetyfreak · 14/05/2025 06:49

I am a 35 year old F, yes it is cringe but, it put off many of the women in his age range lol.

SparklyGlitterballs · 14/05/2025 06:49

Not unusual I'd think. A lot of men seem to want much younger women. Be interesting to see what he puts as his upper age range. Bet he doesn't put it to 49 if he thinks a 14 year gap is acceptable!

Reallyyyyyy · 14/05/2025 06:49

A lot of women of this age look for older men as they are seen as more mature as men/boys around their age. It's not uncommon.

And what he does is none of your business.

arcticpandas · 14/05/2025 06:47

21 is an adult and she would need to choose him as well. Don't really see the problem with this.

Daffodilsarefading · 14/05/2025 06:45

It would give me the ick but plenty of women seem to shag older men.

FleurDeFleur · 14/05/2025 06:42

JaninaDuszejko · 14/05/2025 06:37

Hopelessly optimistic more like. Although a friend of mine met her husband when she was 22 and he was 36. That was 30 years ago though when teenagers were viewed as adults.

Yes, and you were certainly an adult at 22!

JaninaDuszejko · 14/05/2025 06:37

Hopelessly optimistic more like. Although a friend of mine met her husband when she was 22 and he was 36. That was 30 years ago though when teenagers were viewed as adults.

TealSapphire · 14/05/2025 06:32

YANBU

Changeissmall · 14/05/2025 06:31

Not revolting no. It’s up to those young women to decide what they want. As long as he’s not lying about his age.
My friend’s 62 yr old ex is looking for 30+ ! He can dream. She was joking with him that if 30 yr gap was OK his range should be 30-90 😁

FleurDeFleur · 14/05/2025 06:26

No, it's not "revolting". 21+ is adult. They will be consenting. What's the problem?

CaptainFuture · 14/05/2025 06:24

But the 21+ would still have to pick/select him wouldn't they?
Can't see why if affects you?