To think that a 35 year old man setting his dating range to age 21+ is revolting?

Men and women have always had casual relationships with older or younger partners as they both get something out of it. Back in my younger days we used to meet men in clubs but we all knew the older guys would buy our drinks all evening, take us for a meal , have a decent car and a place of their own, so for a casual fling they were a much better prospect than a 21 year old. But it worked the other way as well. The 21 year old lads knew that there were certain clubs frequented by older women looking to pull a young 'stud' for a casual night and these women would buy the lads drinks all night, pay for their meals etc.

Works for Cher & Tilda Swinton

There was a 10 year age gap between my grandparents. They had a very strong relationship.

I think upto 10 years in either direction is OK. Anything over 10 years is a bit too much in my opinion.

I think you and your DH discussing another man's sex life or lack of it as pertains to his marriage and what he needs to do next, especially you, is gross. Put boundaries in place and leave your DH and his mate to discuss the intricacies of his sex life. Remember, if the friend discusses his private life so freely, your DH is also likely to have discussed yours with him too.

And speaking as a female who finds considerably older men attractive, there would definitely be some women in their early twenties who would be happy to date a man in his mid-thirties.

There was an (almost) 14 year age gap between my parents, who met and started when my mother was 23 and my Dad was 37. Dad was born in October 1947, Mum in September 1961.

Dad certainly wasn't sleazy or predatory in any way; they simply met and hit it off and found each other attractive.

Personally, I think 21+ is fine.

I had a 40 year old boyfriend at 23. It didn't work out, mainly I admit due to the age gap (and the fact he was an arrogant prick!). However I was a consenting adult and it was my decision.

My niece (in her 20s) has a similar age gap relationship.

At 21 I found men under 25 quite immature and revolting. 35+ was about right

Depends on what the woman wants? My DH was 32 and I was 21 when we met. We are now 31 and 42. You wouldn't have caught me with a 21 year old man at 21, far too immature! He's still immature now ffs. Have always been attracted to older men and he was my first boyfriend and my last.... so what

When I was 21 I would have been interested in 35 yo men, way more than 21 yo men, I dont think its an issue at all. 21 is a fully fledged adult. I was 25 when I met 38 yo DH.

I knew a woman that put her age gap as 7 years younger and only 1 year older.
We're from the Indian community and the website she was on was for only Indians.
I thought 'that's not happening' and it didn't.
She's still single.

I would have thought that he meant 21 year olds are less likely to be looking for a relationship and more of a fling/casual sex situation instead so if he wants to just have sex then anyone over 21 is fine but if he wants a relationship then 26+ as they’re more likely to be looking for something serious.

Either way 21 isn’t a girl, she’s still an adult and could equally be using an older guy for easy sex.

I think this is about consensual contact so I think you are being a bit unreasonable. Calling legal relationships ‘revolting’ is also a bit strong.

there are so many advantages to the 35 year old man going out with the 21 year old woman. Most people look at Leonardo di caprio and think - well we get it.

Whether I look on these men with a huge amount of respect is another question.

I don't think it's revolting, but I think it's unlikely he'll get much interest from 21 yos unless he's very charming, wealthy and good looking!

Maybe it's why there are a larger number of single men on dating sites. Not realistic. Maybe find someone looking for a dad figure or someone with money or status

Personally I don't like it. But if they are consenting adults then so be it. Any possible "partner material" would avoid anyone willing to go that low so whilst he leaves it at 21 he can expect to be single.
Incidentally women do the same, its not just men, and I find that equally troublesome. But each to their own I guess.

Weird attitude. Stop infantilising women. When I was 21 and anyone 35 hit on me I would´ve told him to get lost. We have agency you know. If a 35 year old Brad Pitt had come along I might have been interested (he was gorgeous), or if not would have moved on. Simple.

There’s a 14 year age gap between me and Dh. I was in my early 20s and he was mid 30s when we got together. Been married 25 years now. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It seems more acceptable to me when it is an app than hitting on young women in a club.

This way he would get matches only with women who find his age ok themselves.

The older people (women) get, the less it’s even acknowledged there IS an age gap at all.

Hence the way Keanu Reeves was lauded for dating a woman “his own age”.

No, she bloody isn’t. She’s about ten years younger. 🙄. So he wasn’t bucking the basic trend for Hollywood men to date younger - just the degree of it.

OP - TBH, I think the post is less about "men" and more about you.

Your partner didn't do anything wrong by suggesting that younger women will be more likely to not be seeking a relationship, and OK with something more casual. Why does this need to threaten your relationship and lead to "blow out"???

People on the apps are free to make their own choices. And a younger woman can decide to have sex with an older man without him "using her for sex" - it is such a Victorian attitude to sex....

Yep that is grim :(

So I assume you'd find a relationship between a 55 year old man and 41 year old woman "revolting", too?

If not, at what age does a 14 year gap stop being "revolting", and should they just keep the relationship secret until then?

i am 21 and my boyfriend is 34 😂