BBC news using the phrase "broken home"

@Snowdrop4in terms of remarrying I am absolutely with you; the statistics relating to step parents is not great. I would argue one happy parent on their own is worth more than two unhappy parents together though.

@TheHerboristethese are very outdated, look at the dates. In my field we don’t look at anything older than five years as being accurate.

They both remarried,to horrendous partners, and life got worse for me ,shunted between their homes ,I had to move homes move schools to be with a step dad she moved us in with ,then moved homes and schools to live with my dad and his new wife ,then homes and school changed and moved back to my mum .
Without a shadow of doubt life was much worse after their divorce.
what they should of done was put their child first and controlled themselves.
Despite seeing what I saw as child ,it was still better than having abusive step parents in my life ,which was what I ended up with.
Thankfully my life was not the norm for most children

It’s a very old fashioned term and belongs in the 1970s. I’m a single mother and if anyone called the home I brought my children up in as broken they’d be getting a mouthful from me. If they need to describe an individual's abusive family dynamic then use the word dysfunctional, otherwise just say single parent or divorced parents, if you have to say anything at all.

Oh, I don't know... perhaps during this difficult and traumatic period for the children (which she and her husband created by getting divorced) she could prioritise their welfare rather than palming them off on babysitters every evening? She could still do her hobbies every other week, when the father has them.

Why should her social life continue exactly as before, when she's bears responsibility for their trauma?

It seems very selfish to me and I'd certainly not behave in this manner if I got divorced.

It's amazing how low people place children's welfare compared to their own desires.

There are hundreds of academic papers and studies about the poorer outcomes of children from single parent homes; it’s not difficult to google them.

https://www.bbc.com/news/education-47057787.amp

Growing up without both parents is associated with a host of poor child outcomes. Children from single-parent and stepparent families have higher poverty rates and lower levels of educational and occupational attainment than children who grow up with both their biological or adoptive parents (Astone & McLanahan, 1991; Biblarz & Raftery, 1993, 1999; DeLeire & Kalil, 2002; Kiernan, 1992; McLanahan & Sandefur, 1994; Wojtkiewicz, 1993). They report greater substance use and risk-taking behavior, such as smoking, drinking, and drug use (Carlson, 2006; DeLeire & Kalil, 2002; Hoffmann & Johnson, 1998). Further, these children are more likely to have sex at an early age (Davis & Friel, 2001; Thornton & Camburn, 1989), to be young and unmarried when they form their families (Cherlin, Kiernan, & Chase-Lansdale, 1995; Kiernan 1992; Kiernan & Hobcraft, 1997; McLanahan & Sandefur, 1994; Thornton 1991; Wu 1996), and to experience the dissolution of their own romantic unions (Amato & DeBoer, 2001; Kiernan & Cherlin, 1999; McLanahan & Bumpass, 1988; Wolfinger 1999).

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7880085/

https://www.npr.org/2023/10/22/1207322878/single-parent-married-good-for-children-inequality#:~:text=In%20the%20book%2C%20released%20last%20month%2C%20Kearney,of%20success%20than%20those%20raised%20by%20one.&text=Kearney%20notes%20that%20families%20headed%20by%20a,than%20families%20headed%20by%20a%20married%20couple.

There are a lot of children of divorce in this thread saying they agree the phrase is accurate and fine to use, and a lot of adults who got divorced saying it's not because it's offensive to them.

I think it's up to the children to decide how to describe their families, not the adults.

Get a divorce if you want, but you should do it with your eyes open that it normally has massive negative impacts on your children, throughout their whole lives, even impacting their children's lives.

To be fair, a father leaving and having no other contact leaves its mark - particularly if the replacement father figure also leaves eventually. Dh's dad left when he was young, no contact at all. He ended up with a perfectly good man as a step father, but the feeling of abandonment never really left him. And his new blended family was hard for him, too. His mum suffered with anxiety, and he left school with no qualifications. He'd describe himself as the product of a broken home I think. That doesn't mean that all single parent households are like this of course.

I'm sorry for Bradley Wiggins. I always really liked him, and hadn't realised this had happened post-cycling career. He always spoke really warmly of his now ex wife, Cath.

But calling it “broken” is inherently stigmatising.

Also the issue with the way they have used the term here is they assume having separated parents is inherently negative.

It’s not.

Broken home means parents are not on a relationship. Nothing more, nothing less

Literally exactly what you said.

I can categorically state that every single time, it was the husband at fault.

That’s a very common phrase.

It’s a stupid phrase for the reasons you stated but I have accepted it’s quite common. I am from a broken home but that was only when my parents were together. It was fixed once they separated.

There is a desire to shame women into staying in awful relationships (I say women as it tends to be them that file for divorce more frequently and absent fathers are more common than absent mothers).

But don’t let anybody ever shame you for a relationship ending. There is no shame in that.

Literally not what I said.

YANBU

I’m divorced, no way would I allow anyone to describe my children as being from a “broken home”. Someone said to me recently that they “feel so sorry for my children”. No way. I do not want my children growing up feeling sorry for themselves because their dad doesn’t live with us. Children internalise labels like “broken home” and I don’t want them to think there is something wrong with them or their lives. The term “broken” implies that my family is deficient.

Is there a reason why you feel unable to assign guilt to anyone owning a vagina? Both views are palpably ridiculous.

Sandy Y2K
The man isn't a good boyfriend, yet they proceed to have a child or marry him. He isn't going to become the best husband or dad, when he was a crap boyfriend

Of course there will be some cases like this, but I would argue, that in the main, women go into marriage in good faith, and many get blindsided a few years in. There's no way to predict that, and other women should seek to understand how painful that must be, not take the opportunity to put the boot in, not least when they have never been in that unfortunate position themselves.

My husband was the perfect man when we married. 16 years later, despite me being a perfect wife, I found out that he had been doing all sorts behind my back. I actually was so blindsided I had a breakdown. I thought we were soulmates. But according to some posters, I should have seen it all coming, so the marriage break up is my fault, not my husbands. Come on now!

I agree with you.

I really do feel for women who spout nonsense like this, because when their perfect husband turns out to be not- that perfect, where are they going to turn? Sit tight and deny it's happening, is often my guess. It's the children I feel for in this scenario.

Incidentally TheHerboriste, I notice you haven't provided any evidence for your claims about "the latest studies" on poor outcomes for single parent families? 🤔

What if the man you marry, has never put a foot wrong, but ten years in, he has a mid life crisis, and starts shagging a lot of other women? What then? Are you saying it's the woman's fault, because she should have read the future? Is there a reason you feel unable to assign guilt to anyone owning a penis?

I hear what you're saying, but, many women DO make poor choices for partners and husbands.

The man isn't a good boyfriend, yet they proceed to have a child or marry him. He isn't going to become the best husband or dad, when he was a crap boyfriend.

I think much of the problem, is the high amount of good women and the low amount of good men globally, not just in the UK - So women lower their standards and accept poor behaviour, which they know deep down is unacceptable, yet they accept it...whether out of desperation... or poor self esteem... or a feeling, that good men are in short supply.

It's like when stepmothers complain about their challenges and dealing with stepkids/ the ex wife. They speak of hating being work a man who had kids, logically, the answer would be, if you don't want the headache of stepkids and a difficult Ex, you go for a man without kids - but they say, such men are hard to find, so they put up with and stay in relationships that are stressful, because, especially at a certain age, you don't have a lot of choice.

@blondiebeachbabe I can only quote the one closest to me and can categorically say that it was not my father's fault. Yes, eventually he had an affair but he was driven to it after mother's repeated affairs and the fact that she treated him badly and he would not enable her narcissistic tendencies.

They were ill suited and she got pregnant and they got married in 1960. Ideally they should not have or should have separated when I was a toddler. If my father had been a loser, had not brought home the bacon (In his case more like a whole pig) or had been unkind, mother would have left him much sooner but she rather liked the big house and it's trappings. He was quiet, she was (is) vivacious and liked to party - hard.

Who picked the men? Women who choose cheaters and losers, and saddle new humans with such as fathers, aren’t heroes.

It doesn't apply to a home where one parent has passed away. It's where they decided to separate.

A "broken home" is NOT the same as a single parent family.

I'm 55, and I have seen a lot of marriage break ups in my time. I can categorically state that every single time, it was the husband at fault.

The break up of my marriage, if we’re going to apportion blame, was my fault. In my view it’s never 100% one person’s fault.