BBC news using the phrase "broken home"

With respect, you clearly know next to nothing about domestic violence. I work in the field, have devoted myself to my work for the best part of three decades, what I can tell you is this:

1. Many abusers will master operating with a mask, a version of themselves, and are able to function very well for years until the back breaking exhaustion of parenthood, and then the abuse becomes apparent, it tends to happen gradually over a period of time. We call it the boiling frog technique.

2. Many women grow up in dysfunctional homes, and simply do not recognise a red flag or a ‘hint’ as you put it of the danger they are in. It is their ‘normal’ and would take years of therapy to unpick. Do you think they or the government have the resources to help them with this? No, and no.

3. Even the most stable of relationships with no re flags whatsoever can be seriously derailed by mental illness, bereavement and life trauma.

4. Due to the way our society is organised a woman is immensely vulnerable once pregnant, more so with multiple children. More often and not she does not have a community to turn to, and it’s only when things have deteriorated to the point of police and court intervention will support or protection be offered. Once you are in this situation it can be very hard to leave, psychologically impaired with limited means and options it is an incredibly daunting task.

5. A lack of a criminal record or an outstanding school record is not an indication of character, only the means to avoid legal action and an expensive education. There is no class divide with dv, despite popular opinion, it can literally happen to anyone.

Assuming that poor outcomes can only happen with red flags is misguided, and quite frankly offensive.

We can never know ‘all parts’ of a person, there is always an element of uncertainty in any relationship. Whilst we can take precautions, there is no sure fire way of avoiding domestic violence, serious dishonesty and other abuse. You can only equip people with the tools to deal with it if it should happen to them. It is essential that posts like this take extreme care not to blame the victim. The real issue always lies with the perpetrators of such crimes.

Your focus should be on what we are doing as a society to address the perpetrators, not the victims.

Successfully for them I’m afraid. As long as no violence or emotional abuse many many children don’t experience the issues of their parents when married. A breakup is a massive negative event to them. You are talking about the parents here. Ask the children….

Ok so I will ask people 2 questions

1. thinking back of all your relationships that are no longer there, how many can you think back and say absolutely there was not one hint of something wrong the person absolutely changed overnight and was 100% a different person? there was no sign at all in any of the relationships you ignored, or they ignored about you? it does work both ways

1. with all the people in trouble with the police or schools what is their background? if you sat down and wrote a chart what would the chart show?

Yes but the stickers are there if people look harder enough and and not blinded by a bit of attention and ''he loves me" how much is actually not there and how much is ignored?

You know nothing at all. They’re really not,

It is equally disingenuous to suggest all single parents are unable to protect and support their children, provide for them, bring them up appropriately. And there is sod all broken about my family. We could have had a different life if their dad had provided financial support but my hard work gave them plenty. I have 3 incredible young adults in nd out my house, girlfriends, a lot of laughter. I am sure there is an existing negative impact on them as a result of their father’s actions but we could never be described as broken.

And it isn't a 'broken home' if children are raised in a single parent household, if those children are raised with stability and love.

A broken home to me is one where children are raised in a dsyfunctional family unit. Often times that dysfunctional unit consists of both parents who raise their children in a difficult atmosphere, because there's abuse, infidelity, arguments etc etc going on.

Common... that's obviously not what is being said. I think you know that.

Although, an orphaned child will have different emotions as a result of their situation.

It isn't a broken home though.

FFS are you for real?
Of course the signs aren't always there!!!
I'm actually wondering if you're being deliberately goady or are just incredibly naïve with a twist of thinking you know better than anyone else. You know nothing. Period.

Mediocre marriages are exactly what people should be aiming for - if it works out to be mediocre, which means 'not shit' - this is great! What do you think, that there are great marriages all over the place? Come bloody on!

The signs are always there.

Just when I thought I'd read the most stupid comment I've previously replied to, along comes yours!
You are clearly very clueless that women (and men) can be in what they believe to be loving relationships, even for a number of years, then abuse starts when children come along.
As you like to state 'facts', then my comment is a FACT, so wind your neck in and stop coming across as such a know it all.
It isn't the result of 'poor choices' in so many cases. Think logically about it, do you really think that people would stay with and go on to have children with partners if they believed they were potential abusers or cheaters?

Seriously.

So are you saying that a child who is orphaned as a baby and raised by their grandparents, for instance, is being bought up in a 'broken home' because their mum and dad aren't around?

I've replied to Chiseltips post too, but I couldn't quote her comment after I'd written my response. I've never heard such a ridiculous comment

Chiseltip

Your last sentence has really pissed me off! WTAF

My kids have been bought up just by me, they've always known how much they're loved, I've sat with them through any issues, such as boyfriend/girlfriend troubles, you name it.
I've spent time with them always, I've helped them with their homework, I've been there consistently for them when they've been ill or literally whenever they've needed me, and I'll ALWAYS be there for my kids until my last breath, so how bloody dare you write such bollocks that a 'single parent's efforts will never be as good as a mother and father raising a child together'

My kids have turned into well adjusted and happy adults, who are both thriving in their lives, read my first post at the start. They haven't been 'short changed' as you imply, just because they've been bought up by a single parent, many kids are raised in two parent households, and many of those kids are unhappy and uncared for.

I think that's a bit simplistic - it's not necessarily the term itself or even the stigma that people are worried about in those threads so much as the reality: that their kids will spend most of their time without one or other parent, that their lives will be turned upside down, that either parent might meet someone else that their children might not like, and all the myriad things that will be more difficult for their children if their parents split.

In many ways I think the external stigma is overstated - not many people really give a shit what other people are doing with their families, but anyone considering leaving a marriage should seriously consider the fact that choosing to end a relationship will almost certainly have some detrimental effects on their children which (depending on the circumstances) may or may not turn out to outweigh the benefits.

Full agreement

There are far more broken families where they’re all still together yet abusive & violent! Like the home I was raised in. Both my parents remained married (47 years when my DF died) but my DF was a violent functioning alcoholic. That was a broken home. No divorce in sight

Exactly!

Normalizing and sanitizing undesirable and antisocial situations with “neutral” language isn’t productive.

When I was growing up single mums often had very little contact/support or none from their children’s fathers. I’m guessing that was a broken home. Now it seems that many parents separate and successfully coparent. Often meaning a better calmer lifestyle for those involved. As long as separated parents try to navigate changes it can work. A few people I know are happily married a few unhappily I know which step I would choose if unhappy.

It's about the family unit no longer being together though. The parents separated, leading to a breakdown in their relationship, creating a broken family unit.

Anything else is just creating fog.

My brother is divorced, so his kids (now adults) are from a broken home. That's a fact. They have always had both parents in their lives. They weren't abandoned.

He has a good relationship with all of them, but they've shared some challenges with my kids, which are as a direct result of the divorce and breakdown.

The original family unit is no longer together..it's broken down.

Life happens. People split up. It has some pros and cons and we just need to accept that is the case.

Women often stay for financial reasons, as well as not wanting to share custody of the kids.

Society are not making women stay. It may be the people close to the woman, who she listens to.. but society at large will not make a woman stay, if she's has the support of family and others who care about her.

Separation and breakdown are completely different.

Breakdown is inherently negative as a description. To separate is not. My parents separated when I was young but my broken home was the years they were together. Not when they parted.

I did not suggest men don’t leave but it is far more frequently women who make that decision and far more frequently women who are shamed for doing so (“single mother” and “single father” are both viewed differently.)

I do agree OP should try to reframe how she sees this. That society views separating parents negatively is a societal problem. OP should not make it hers. Whenever people suggest I am from a broken home I respond “yes I was. Then luckily my parents separated and it was fixed again.”