BBC news using the phrase "broken home"

YABU and also overly sensitive. If you're confident with your choices in life, why would you care if a journalist describes a specific man as coming from a broken home?

Divorce is splitting up a family, often acrimoniously, and generally does not prioritise the children (obviously abuse is different). Research has linked parents divorcing to a higher risk of many negative outcomes for children.

As many posts here show, many children of divorced parents would describe their homes as broken. Why are you so quick to dismiss their experiences?

@UsernameMcUsernamenothing is inevitable. My mum never introduced me to any boyfriends/ partners and I don’t intend to. You’re describing a completely different situation and living arrangement.
My son certainly wouldn’t want his dad living back with us. Both children have thrived in the three years since the separation. We all feel free. My ex is fun to be around but not to live with. People are complex.

Some of us are just trying to look for the positives in a less than ideal situation 🤷‍♀️

I have no idea how you got any of that from what I wrote.

Also the “all children from separated parents need intense therapy” is a myth.

I assume you are one of those individuals wedded to weaponising kids to get a partner to remain with you.

But you are the person who argued that people should seek mediocre marriages so…

Exactly.

So many parents delude themselves about the effects on their poor kids.

Many families are living in situations of emotional abuse and violence. Everyone here will form an opinion based on their own experience hence the divide. I know older women wishing they walked away and maybe their children would have experienced healthy relationships but often abusive situations are their normal. Fear of a broken home is an old fashioned view in my opinion. Some people don’t have a choice but to break that home.

Yes it is.

My grandfather was violent, a womaniser and financially abusive.

My father was a womaniser and shitty partner.

My friend’s ex-husband decided that actually having a wife was about having his own personal slave who should also earn more money.

My friend’s husband decided he wanted to become an extreme practicant of his faith which made their relationship untenable.

In all those cases the breakdown of the relationship was just one person and in all cases they wanted their partner to “tHInK oF tHE kiDS” instead of interrogating their behaviour.

Yes often the fault is shared but not always.

Cycles of abuse are well known and well documented - generational trauma is equally well understood. What you are failing to grasp is that these are not the only people vulnerable to abuse, we see victims of abuse from every walk of life, from every background.

It is the not the case you are immune if you have had an idyllic childhood, or condemned to a life of violence if you have had a dysfunctional childhood. This is far too black and white.

The truth is anyone can find themselves in an abusive relationship, and through no fault of their own, they can be fire fighting in the most difficult of environments.

I suggest you do some more research, and consider exploring your narrow world view on the subject.

It’s much more common than you can ever imagine, and the way out is educating girls especially, early and across the age groups. Targeting known vulnerable groups with one to one counselling and specialist care. Support needs to be more readily accessible and available, and society needs to get tough with the perpetrators through reeducation ‘think first’ programmes and strategies, counselling and long prison sentences. It needs to stop.

Quite! Who gives a shit about what children want? It is parental happiness that counts, right? So, let us spawn some lies about children being 'resilient', 'blended families working out', 'oh, he has two mums - a biological and a step-mum' and lots of lovely siblings. It is very profitable for the various mental health 'professionals' - they need lots of people from broken homes to pay their consultation fees in the future!

I maintain that people weaponise “think of the kids” to justify not having to hold to account the partner whose behaviour is leading to the breakdown of the relationship.

It’s never just one person’s fault.

This!

Children can prefer things that are objectively bad for them.

Regarding the comments that children of divorce would prefer their parents remain together:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/nov/22/children-divorce-resolution-survey-rather-parents-separate

https://www.djsresearch.co.uk/ProfessionalServicesMarketResearchInsightsAndFindings/article/4-in-5-young-people-would-rather-their-parents-divorced-than-were-together-for-the-kids-02901

I maintain that people weaponise “think of the kids” to justify not having to hold to account the partner whose behaviour is leading to the breakdown of the relationship.

I think what makes them happy is best for them personally. I deeply regret ruining my son’s childhood.

Oh yes, my children would definitely prefer to have their dad back living with us. But one reason why he doesn’t live here anymore is because I don’t want the children growing up thinking that the way he treated me (and us) is normal.

Just because it’s what children would prefer, it doesn’t mean that’s what is best for them.

But nobody in the article says there was. This is about Bradley Wiggins' specific home life. You'd have a point if it was a general 'kids from broken homes' article, but it isn't. The phrase is in context related to a specific individual's situation.

It's not about you, it's nothing to do with you.

But I think almost every one of those children would prefer to have their parents under one roof, lets be honest.

That’s one of the most accurate statements on this thread. Having heard my DiL’s bitterness about her parents’ separation more than 20 years later there’s no doubt in my mind that she wished passionately they’d stayed together. Probably still does.

Just because that’s what the children may prefer doesn’t mean the parents should destroy their mental health or happiness to achieve that.

Or that they should teach poor examples to children by remaining with a shitty partner.

And for many of us the new half siblings arrived WHILE our parents were together.

Hence the relationship breakdown.

Also leaving a mediocre marriage does not mean you are seeking another mediocre marriage.

Some leave for a sense of peace. Even if that means it’s by themselves.

But I think almost every one of those children would prefer to have their parents under one roof, lets be honest. Especially when you factor in the inevitable arrival of new partners, new half / step siblings etc (interestingly my childrens' biggest worry when I had the divorce conversation after their dad left was the potential arrival of some random 'stepdad' - they'd both seen how it played out with their friends, where unwanted new 'step parents' arrived hot on the heels of the parental break up). The best you can say about a relationship / marriage ending when children are involved - except in cases of abuse - is that its the least bad option. And I'm very aware of abuse - I grew up with a violent stepfather.

I'm now a single parent and not terribly bothered by the term 'broken home'. I do my absolute best for my children every day, but I'm not going to pretend that a stable secure two parent family wouldn't be better for them. But their seemingly loving supportive father abruptly buggered off. It was very sudden, and I think for them something WAS broken at that point. I think if we're all honest with ourselves children do feel a sense of 'brokeness' around parental separation. And if they want to use that term in later life I would entirely understand why.

The victims children and grandchildren staying in the cycle not the poster's

Making my life worse by going from “good/ok” to “mediocre” makes no sense to me but you do you.

Also what do you think people can ‘do’ to change the cycle. My friend was raised in a dysfunctional household, her mum was good but dad was abusive and alcohol dependent. She went to Oxford university and met the son of a vicar there, she and he left with firsts, went on to have a great career as a civil servant. Guess what, he still ended up being abusive!
No one had any idea, he was even brought up in many examples as a ‘good man’ ‘perfect husband’ etc.

@Renabrookyoure actually deranged. OP said that she works with domestic abuse victims, not that she or her children (did she mention children?) are victims. What job do you do which qualifies to know about the psychology of abusers and their victims?
It must be nice to think of the world so clearly, to imagine that men come with neon flashing signs which say abuser. Do you also think that of rapists and rape victims?

It is nothing about class it is interesting you think it is, but this means the red flags are there they are just ignored. If parents cared about their children they would do what they can go break the cycle ot is up them the minimise their children making the same mistakes thyy are doing the government cant be blamed for everything

If have so much experience it would not surprise me your clients are children and possibly grandchildren going through the same things again, of course society has to keep on picking up the pieces