Am I misreading tone?

@ThePerkyCoralPoet you asked if you’ve misread the tone of the message. 98% of responders have said you’re being unreasonable in your reading. You’re adamant you weren’t. What do you want from this thread if you’re so convinced you’re right - against the vast majority of people here?

Yes you are misreading the tone @ThePerkyCoralPoet , and 98% of people think you are. Why can't you accept you're wrong?

Her tone is very direct. But I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s unnecessarily difficult.

Her point is correct. It’s up to you to remember to pay.

Kindly, I also think it was unnecessarily difficult of you to ask for a reminder (favour 2) when you were already asking if she could be so kind as to let you off the deposit when you booked (favour 1).

It also depends on whether a feature of your therapy is how you could take more responsibility. She could have been a little more assertive with you to encourage you to deal with things rather than relying on others.

However, IMHO her message could’ve been better, given you’re a regular and (presumably) reliable client: ‘How are you? Sounds stressful. Happy to let you book without the deposit, though it will still be payable if you cancel. I don’t send out routine reminders. It’s fine to pay as soon as you can. Have a good afternoon’.

She’s not you and she runs her business a bit differently. Also you are surely capable of remembering by yourself . Something to discuss at the next session.

There was an automatic email reminder. He wanted a personal text!

Why should she have to remember when you don’t? If it’s not big deal for her to remember to remind you, it’s no big deal for you to remember to pay. It’s the same thing.

What’s the point of this post when everyone is basically telling you the message is fine and you should remember to pay her not the other way round and you just don’t bother listening? Hate posts like this where the op just thinks one way despite everyone else saying different. Do what you want op

You can set a reminder for yourself rather than ask her to set a reminder to remind you.

It’s called being an adult.

She's right.

Maybe you can explore your strong emotional response to this interaction in therapy?

Well you did! You apparently can't remember and say the chances of you remembering are zero to none and expect someone else to remind you. So yes infantilising.
Put an alert on your phone, write yourself a note. You are an adult and are responsible for remembering

I think she was perfectly reasonable. You have an agreement with her as to when to pay and you need to take responsibility for it. Her message sounds polite and straightforward to me. Your request, not so much.

How are you perceiving there to be lack of trust? The therapist is trusting that the client has the capacity to do this thing for herself. That's the helpful thing to do! If the therapist said okay, I'll remind you, that's basically saying "yeah I agree, you can't do this perfectly normal adult task. I'll going to do that for you, as of you're a child".

The therapist is not her mum, but it sounds like the client wants her to be mum-like. That's worth exploring.

Someone’s being very over dramatic and it’s not your therapist.

You're a grown adult, take personal responsibility to remember to pay.

You sound extremely hard work and it’s one of those threads despite every single post saying you’re on the wrong, you are convinced you’re right and won’t listen to any opinion other than your own.

Oh brilliant, thanks! Every day's a school day...

Goodness me, I've just read your updates.

If you know full well that you are the type of person to forget these things (as I certainly am!) then you need to put strategies in place to remind yourself and avoid things like this taking through the cracks, especially things that affect other people.

Timed reminders on my phone work for me, as do Alexa reminders and having a set time each week to deal with this sort of admin.

Trying to foist your responsibilities off onto other people and then getting the hump when they politely decline to shoulder them is not an acceptable strategy for managing your life!

You'll have a lot more self-respect and sense of agency when you're not expecting to rely on other people's effort to get you through the basics of life!

It would have been quicker to put a recurring reminder in your phone than start this thread and then respond to people telling then why you think you are correct.

You value her service and you rarely mess with anyone’s money indicating that you do want to pay on time. This time you can’t.

Her message in response is friendly and understanding reflecting her opinion that you are a reliable client who pays up on time and she, in turn, values your business.

Your own system of reminders for your own clients is bang up to date as you have made it all automated. Well done for your efficiency. So it’s likely to be no problem at all for you to quickly set yourself a reminder. Why wouldn’t you have done that straight away instead of sending a message asking her to remind you?

Her system is different to yours, not quite as efficient as yours maybe, and you seem to have a problem accepting that.

I think your message asking her to remind you is the one showing a bit of attitude. Maybe she questioned your tone OP. Her response is spot on I’d say.

Psychotherapist here. Haven't RTFT but have read all of your posts OP.

You are clearly angry with your therapist and are using this minor exchange as a hook on which to hang your anger. Please take it to your next session. Your therapist has behaved entirely appropriately.

You can simply click the other one option to change your vote.

Yet another OP who purports to ask for opinions and then gets cross and tells everyone they're WRONG!

If you are a therapist you should have a better grasp of boundaries, collusion, and projection.

The therapist has already let OP book a session without paying the deposit, that shows trust, she doesn't have to do that. OP isn't asking for trust she's asking her therapist to remind her (again) about something that's her own responsibility.

I know what is over dramatic here! 😁

Her response was very generous given that you're paying her late and expected her to remind you to pay. Set a reminder on your phone.

I accidentally clicked YANBU but I'm afraid I think you are! Paying her is your responsibility. Take ownership of it.

OP, as you can see, the vast majority of people here would have received that perfectly pleasant and reasonable message and thought 'Oh wow, of course I should just set a reminder myself! Silly me!'

Instead, you have reacted very differently. If you have been in therapy for a while, you have probably come across projection - basically, we don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are.

You have decided that this woman is being unreasonable, over-dramatic, unprofessional and (deliberately?) obstructive.

Additionally, there is the issue of boundaries - where her responsibility ends and your begins. She is not responsible for you paying a deposit or not, only for allowing the appointment to go ahead or not. By asking her for a reminder, you have asked her to take on a responsibility that belongs to you. Entirely different to chasing someone for a payment for work that has already been done.

Yet you somehow see this as her evading her responsibility.

There's a lot there to unpick in therapy about this.