Am I misreading tone?

She was polite, it’s weird that you would ask her to remind you instead of doing it yourself.

I think the op wrote “chances” which was auto corrected.

What are ‘cha cows’??

Her tone isn't harsh but she's telling you no, remind yourself.

I understand that you get payment reminders, and that you yourself send payment reminders, but shes telling you that she doesn't.

It's really not a big deal for you because it's just 1 thing for you. For her, it could be a much bigger list of things to remember. You don't know her accounting system, you dont know how many clients she sees, you dont know her personal life.

If youd said "if I forget, please don't hesitate to remind me" that's 1 thing, but you basically tried to assign your task (payment) to her. It's your task, remind yourself.

And yes, you are infantalizing yourself when you asked. Why else would another adult ask another adult to remind them of their adult responsibility?

I also run a tutoring business and I do remind clients, but those who need reminders are not good clients. I just see it as a necessary evil.

If a client asked me to remind them in a couple of days due to their financial problems, I would really be quite miffed to be treated like their mummy (but I’d do it anyway because I need the money) – but I can see why a therapist would want to draw firmer boundaries with their clients given the personal nature of therapy.

I also wonder about the payment deadline / conditions. For me I get paid monthly/termly by clients for weekly lessons recurring through the year, so since it’s an ongoing contractual relationship, there is a certain leeway for late payments. If your bookings with the therapist are “ad hoc” packages (even if you are a regular client), generally there’s less leeway for late payment.

Also if she’s charging deposits, the point is to secure your slot and save a whole lot of follow up hassle on her end for non paying clients. So asking her to “hold” the slot for you FOC/free of charge (effectively defeating the purpose of a deposit!! And could also mean if you flake out, she loses business from other clients who can follow thru without financial problems) AND asking her to mother hen you (currently a non client as it stands) is way too much.

The deposit is a PRE booking measure to screen out potential non payers, but you are asking to be treated like a POST booking client now.

My bank freezes my account if they suspect fraud, but they always unfreeze it when i ring them and say it was me who made the transaction

Not sure why your bank would stop all payments.... I would be very concerned about a marker

You really really need to talk to her in the next session about the feelings her response about the reminder sparked in you. The solution to this problem is figuring out what’s behind your reaction, not getting validation or rejection of your reaction from Mumsnet.

It’s a very over dramatic response.

No it isn't. Your request was OTT.

You asked if you are misreading tone - the unanimous answers on here is 'Yes' to your Q - but you are doubling down.

Why ask the Q if you dont want the answer.

I suspect this will be fertile ground to explore in your next session.

I am guessing that you had/have a jarring / difficult relationship with one of your parents and this interaction has disproportionately triggered you and you are unconsciously looking to your therapist to be the a better 'parent' to you by sorting this for you. Its called transference.

you're the one being overly dramatic.

you asked therapist to remind you to pay.
they said no, set yourself a reminder and they will reply in receipt of that.

there is absolutely nothing wrong with therapist saying this.

Paying is your responsibility. It’s your bank. Your money.

if you don’t pay, you don’t get the service.
the length of time you’ve been going or that you are a business person yourself is of absolutely no consequence.

edit: so yes. You’re misreading the tone. Therapist has been quite professional. Sorry you don’t agree with that

At this rate, she'll never come back out.

Therapist is gonna be rich, rich, RICH (if OP can remember to pay her).

OP you seem to be getting quite angry with everyone who disagrees with you, even though you explicitly asked for our opinion. It’s all good material to take to therapy!

Your problem is with the bank.
She has reminded you, you asked her to remind you again! This isn’t her job. Set a reminder on your phone.

You have one therapist that you have to pay. She will have lots of clients - if she had to remind a percentage of them to pay she would be creating unnecessary work for herself. She is just placing the responsibility to remember rightly back with you.

I think you should discuss this whole issue with your therapist if you remember to pay .
When you owe someone money it's up to you to pay it. Receiving a reminder should be embarrassment enough. Believing that the onus to send a reminder is on them is completely arse over tit.
Saying the chance of you remembering is slim to none is YOUR problem to fix, not your therapists.

YABVVU - the therapy is not working!!

If i missed a deposit for a service i would get a stern reminder to pay.

She wrote "hope nothing serious is wrong" and put a kiss.

And you think her tone is too harsh?

Would you still want her to remind you if she charged up you for her additional time in doing so?

It's fine she's setting a boundary, set a reminder/alarm on your phone it's not difficult

OP: am I misreading her tone
Whole of mn: YES yabu, set your own reminder
OP: angry at everyone, don’t be ridiculous, I’m doing nothing wrong
🤨🤨🙄🙄

I bet your therapist has no chance of misreading YOUR tone OP. I’m surprised she still sees you tbh.
Grow up and sort yourself out.

Sorry op i also think you are in the wrong.

You are late with a deposit, thats your issue.

Her tone not only sounds fine, its very friendly

You can change your vote. Just click on the other option.

This is a you problem. She is not your mother and if every client of hers asked for additional reminders it would take up so much time. If you do it for clients that’s on you and I think she is entitled to use which ever system she chooses, if you have an issue with the process then I suggest you find a different therapist?

You really need to discuss this with her.

She's maintaining the professional framework of the therapy agreement, continuing to expect you to uphold your part of it by being responsible for payment, and you are getting upset by that.

Why is it so hurtful to you that she refused to take ownership of your problem for you? It seems you don't like that you asked her to do you a favour (send a reminder) and she refused and instead provided a solution for you to be self sufficient. Do you have other people in your life who you think rely on you to be too self sufficient or do too many favours for them without them paying you back?

I would say your message was being more difficult, asking to be reminded. That is your responsibility not hers. She could simply cancel your appointment if not paid in appropriate timescale.