Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I misreading tone?

382 replies

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 13/05/2025 22:17

Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it.

My bank is frozen out due to 3 fraudulent transactions so I can’t pay anyone. I booked my slot she said “please pay deposit via the link” i said “sorry Sandra my bank is frozen at the moment. Please could you remind me again in a couple of days and I will transfer you the money straight away.” Her response was “Hope nothing serious x

Would you mind setting a reminder for yourself please and message me once done so that I can confirm receipt 😊💜
Thank you”

I just read that as unnecessarily difficult. I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue. I just think it was really standoffish for no reason. It upsets me because I’m a regular client and appreciate the therapy get.

OP posts:
TooGoodToGoto · 16/05/2025 08:19

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/05/2025 23:07

ok I will show my therapist x

Show quote history

Good idea! Don’t forget.

TooGoodToGoto · 16/05/2025 08:18

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 16/05/2025 08:17

OP cares enough to keep checking back.

Healthy boundaries are not something to be upset about. Listen and learn from what your therapist and pretty much everyone on here is telling you.

And she can remember to check back, unlike the issue she has remembering she owes money.

Amazing!

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 16/05/2025 08:17

OP cares enough to keep checking back.

Healthy boundaries are not something to be upset about. Listen and learn from what your therapist and pretty much everyone on here is telling you.

MatildaMovesMountains · 16/05/2025 08:09

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/05/2025 23:06

It’s pretty disrespectful to think I care x

Show quote history

Why did you create this thread? Genuinely?

Ossoduro2 · 16/05/2025 06:22

She’s a therapist so she is practised in setting boundaries. You’ve causally asked her to remind you again in a few days and she’s politely set the boundary that it is for you to remember to pay her, not for her to remind you to do so. i quite like her response, it’s softened by the fact that she says she hopes it’s nothing serious and also the fact that she isn’t insisting you pay upfront, she’s taking your word for it that you’ll pay in due course so it’s not distrustful or anything.

Whyherewego · 16/05/2025 06:21

Riaanna · 16/05/2025 06:18

Weird thing to say.

If You don’t care why post?

Show quote history

Indeed! In AIBU of all places

Riaanna · 16/05/2025 06:18

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/05/2025 23:06

It’s pretty disrespectful to think I care x

Show quote history

Weird thing to say.

If You don’t care why post?

crabb · 16/05/2025 04:43

Oh, the irony of the “x” at the end of these posts 😆

PinkArt · 15/05/2025 23:15

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/05/2025 23:06

It’s pretty disrespectful to think I care x

Show quote history

You asked for feedback. Why would anyone think to don't care now when you cared enough to start a thread about it two days ago?
I don't understand why you're being so rude to people for posting on your thread, other than the fact no-one is agreeing with your view and you clearly don't cope well with that.
Very much seeing why your therapist wasn't willing to tolerate your shit though. Smart woman.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 15/05/2025 23:09

Can't even do wit!

Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/05/2025 23:07

TooGoodToGoto · 15/05/2025 07:12

I think we can see who has the issues here!

All this “cods wallop”?

I suggest you discuss your inability to be wrong in therapy.

I also go to work, as do a lot of people including your therapist.

Hooefully, this post has been a reminder that you needed, that you owe her money (she sounds like she deserves it!).

Show quote history

ok I will show my therapist x

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/05/2025 23:06

PinkArt · 14/05/2025 22:49

Speaking of tone, this is a pretty disrespectful way to dismiss the dozens of people who've offered the feedback that you asked for.

Show quote history

It’s pretty disrespectful to think I care x

OP posts:
BoiledSpuds · 15/05/2025 21:07

You should ask your therapist to remind you to give her a tip which she definitely deserves.

Fruitbat99 · 15/05/2025 20:12

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 14/05/2025 22:42

I have to go to work. Sorry I don’t have 24 hours to browse Mumsnet and reply to 12 plus pages of absolute codswallop!

Show quote history

You had the time to post it though

Livpool · 15/05/2025 20:00

YABU and quite odd! Her tone is fine and it is up to you to remind yourself - your bank issues aren’t hers to deal with - why would I they be?!

Riaanna · 15/05/2025 18:17

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 14/05/2025 22:42

I have to go to work. Sorry I don’t have 24 hours to browse Mumsnet and reply to 12 plus pages of absolute codswallop!

Show quote history

Why did you bother to ask?

VickiFromAmsterdam · 15/05/2025 15:51

You owe them, don’t make them chase you for this money.

Workingonweekendssuck · 15/05/2025 15:47

It’s so funny how right you think you are. YABU, remember to pay the woman yourself.

ForOliveMember · 15/05/2025 15:36

I'd say yes you probably do have a problem misreading tone OP. Probably best discuss it with your therapist.

Unvoiceinvoice · 15/05/2025 09:15

Not piling on you but the reason your account is frozen doesn’t matter. In fact giving off “it’s not my fault” vibes are even worse for late payment. Tbh I think she would probably have reminded you (depending on how financially important your booking is to her) but you asking her to do so was probably a step too far. I guess she was being a bit contrary but well within her rights to do so.

Plus this was the deposit, not even the actual booking, so makes more sense why she would be less arsed to chivvy you (no financial loss on her end even if you don’t book).

CottageGoblin · 15/05/2025 09:12

Actually.

not sure why I bothered.

HTH

JohnMajorsChicken · 15/05/2025 09:12

Zonder · 15/05/2025 08:18

Some say codswallop, some say people disagreeing with you.

Show quote history

Or... OP says Codswallop, everyone else says disagreeing with batshit OP.

ShodAndShadySenators · 15/05/2025 08:41

So now you're huffy because nobody agreed with you about the therapist's tone? You've certainly got a lot to unpick with her, just going by your behaviour on the thread you started...

Just set a reminder on your phone ffs like the rest of us have to, it's pointless having the strategies to help us manage our difficulties and just not using them. You're only harming yourself in the end!

Zonder · 15/05/2025 08:18

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 14/05/2025 22:42

I have to go to work. Sorry I don’t have 24 hours to browse Mumsnet and reply to 12 plus pages of absolute codswallop!

Show quote history

Some say codswallop, some say people disagreeing with you.

LoveIndubitably · 15/05/2025 08:01

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 14/05/2025 22:42

I have to go to work. Sorry I don’t have 24 hours to browse Mumsnet and reply to 12 plus pages of absolute codswallop!

Show quote history

You could ask a grown-up to help you change your MN settings so that you have more posts per page (and fewer pages to click through)?

On second thoughts...