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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I misreading tone?

382 replies

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 13/05/2025 22:17

Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it.

My bank is frozen out due to 3 fraudulent transactions so I can’t pay anyone. I booked my slot she said “please pay deposit via the link” i said “sorry Sandra my bank is frozen at the moment. Please could you remind me again in a couple of days and I will transfer you the money straight away.” Her response was “Hope nothing serious x

Would you mind setting a reminder for yourself please and message me once done so that I can confirm receipt 😊💜
Thank you”

I just read that as unnecessarily difficult. I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue. I just think it was really standoffish for no reason. It upsets me because I’m a regular client and appreciate the therapy get.

OP posts:
Arran2024 · 17/05/2025 19:18

I used to see a therapist and we had a huge fall out over a money issue and I never went back. Of course this was a classic patient-therapist scenario and me playing out how I handled conflict with my mother ie by running away rather than confronting the therapist. I understood this at one level but I couldn't go back. Any way, my partner had just been made redundant and I was looking to end things - again my issues meant I hadn't felt able to tell her!!

TwistedWonder · 17/05/2025 19:14

God forbid a grown adult takes responsibility for themselves- perish the thought

MereNoelle · 17/05/2025 19:12

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 17/05/2025 18:59

God forbid a working woman needs a reminder.

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God forbid a working woman owns a phone that you can set a reminder on.

Calliopespa · 17/05/2025 19:06

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 13/05/2025 22:27

To be honest, all other appointments I have or make come with automated reminders. So her system is outdated. Any appointments I make come with a reminder that’s automated if I forget to make a deposit. It’s hardly like I asked her to pay for the session. Just an “I’ll forget can you just ask again later”

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Sorry op I think you were in the wrong on this one - and it’s making it worse that you don’t seem able to accept that.

If you are behind it’s your responsibility to remember to catch up, she might feel awkward about hounding clients herself, especially as some may be quite fragile.

Her message was perfectly civil and perfectly reasonable. She doesn’t have to operate her invoicing the same way you do.

Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 17/05/2025 19:01

Ilikeadrink14 · 14/05/2025 13:02

What are ‘cha cows’??

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Hahaha I must’ve meant chances. Clearly lost my marbles trying to dig through the comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 17/05/2025 19:00

JohnMajorsChicken · 14/05/2025 22:48

12 pages of Absolute Codswallop 😆🤣😆🤣 or maybe 6 posts of codswallop 🤪

Edited

Yeah🤪🤪🤪

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 17/05/2025 18:59

Newnamehiwhodis · 17/05/2025 00:22

Nope, she’s doing what a good therapist should- empowering you to do what you need to do, rather than enabling you to lean on her & expect her to do extra work. And she said it politely

God forbid a working woman needs a reminder.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 17/05/2025 18:59

latetothefisting · 17/05/2025 10:55

What do you mean "I rarely mess with anyone's money so I send it"
Does that mean you sometimes do mess with other people's money?

And why the need to go into a full on explanation at all about whether its normal and why you do it? Most people wouldn't even register this as a thing that needs saying- if they use a service that requires a deposit obviously you send it or you don't get the service. The way you've overexplained such a standard thing is weird.

get yourself another bank account so this doesn't happen again. Im always amazed when adults in 2025 say they only have one bank account. As well as your vank locking you out, what if you lose your bank card or someone steals your card or manages to get into your account and empties it, or there's a cyber attack on your bank or their systems go down or whatever. It takes 3 minutes to open up something like a chase/starling/monzo account and stick 50 quid in it as a backup.

I read the first line and gave up😴

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 17/05/2025 18:58

rosemarble · 16/05/2025 15:56

😂We don't even know if the therapist has her deposit yet!

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She’s been paid. Thank you. Goodnight

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 17/05/2025 10:55

What do you mean "I rarely mess with anyone's money so I send it"
Does that mean you sometimes do mess with other people's money?

And why the need to go into a full on explanation at all about whether its normal and why you do it? Most people wouldn't even register this as a thing that needs saying- if they use a service that requires a deposit obviously you send it or you don't get the service. The way you've overexplained such a standard thing is weird.

get yourself another bank account so this doesn't happen again. Im always amazed when adults in 2025 say they only have one bank account. As well as your vank locking you out, what if you lose your bank card or someone steals your card or manages to get into your account and empties it, or there's a cyber attack on your bank or their systems go down or whatever. It takes 3 minutes to open up something like a chase/starling/monzo account and stick 50 quid in it as a backup.

JassyRadlett · 17/05/2025 10:49

This thread is a marvellous advertisement for therapy.

Newnamehiwhodis · 17/05/2025 00:22

Nope, she’s doing what a good therapist should- empowering you to do what you need to do, rather than enabling you to lean on her & expect her to do extra work. And she said it politely

Itsoneofthose · 17/05/2025 00:14

She’s demonstrating and modelling boundaries. It’s not for her to chase you.

rosemarble · 16/05/2025 15:56

faerietales · 16/05/2025 15:49

I'm starting to feel very sorry for your therapist - I hope you pay her well!

😂We don't even know if the therapist has her deposit yet!

faerietales · 16/05/2025 15:49

I'm starting to feel very sorry for your therapist - I hope you pay her well!

BeesAndCrumpets · 16/05/2025 15:03

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/05/2025 23:06

It’s pretty disrespectful to think I care x

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But you asked? I'm confused...

JohnMajorsChicken · 16/05/2025 13:43

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/05/2025 23:06

It’s pretty disrespectful to think I care x

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Just when I thought this thread couldn't get any more 🦇💩

DancingNotDrowning · 16/05/2025 13:37

Dear @ThePerkyCoralPoet therapist.

Please please post a thread about the craziness of life as a therapist, anonymous of course but with just enough info so that we all know!

Namechangetry · 16/05/2025 10:48

OP: AIBU?
MN: yes
OP: why would I care what you think?
MN: you literally asked

Notmyrealname22 · 16/05/2025 09:55

You’re trying to make your banking problems her problem by asking her to remind you. Put an alarm or calendar reminder in your phone.

Reliablesource · 16/05/2025 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Zonder · 16/05/2025 08:39

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/05/2025 23:06

It’s pretty disrespectful to think I care x

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😂 oh dear!

SummerIce · 16/05/2025 08:38

This is the strangest thread… Very strange behaviour. I can see why OP needs a therapist.

Lemonsqueezee · 16/05/2025 08:33

Her tone is fine. Yours is definitely not.

TooGoodToGoto · 16/05/2025 08:19

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 15/05/2025 23:07

ok I will show my therapist x

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Good idea! Don’t forget.