I don’t feel like my kids are thriving right now

Try a 7pm bedtime

I agree that an earlier bedtime might benefit them. Tbh they sound like me when I’m tired, I’m extremely unreasonable and I admit it!

I’d try and get them in bed a little earlier, earlier dinner, wind down etc. Will help.

Those are awfully long days for a 3 and 5 year old. I know it's become the new normal but it's not right.

My DD in Nursery (full days) was completely out of sorts and often needed a nap when she got home.

@Yellowtracktor I often worked from home when they were really small, but we had a nanny as well and a childminder some days - they both did tea around 5pm so if I didn't pick up till 6pm it was straight home and into the bath.

The OP says she is picking up at 3pm every day though, so I think that's why many of us said she should be able to move dinner at least an hour earlier.

Glad today was a better day.

I'd deffo an earlier bedtime, but also look at the weekends. Are they getting enough time to chill/reconnect at the weekend?

Ok, I'm going to sound bonkers but have you checked them for threadworms? My now 5yo, when they were 3.5, was really irritable and tired and woke a few times at night and was so emotional more than usual. After a few weeks and after noticing their private parts looked sore, I took them to the GP who recognised it was threadworms. After treatment, they were so much more settled, slept and ate better and were in a better rnood overall (still being a typical 3-4 yo though 🤣).

For everyone saying dinner at 5pm... are you all sahp? My partner and I don't finish work until 5.30pm... it's literally impossible to get home and get dinner on the table before 6pm at v earliest. So bedtime is rarely before 7.30/8pm

Do either of them have a nap in the day? What about taking them straight to a park before home? Plus are they competing for your attention?

It's a phase you are probably feeling the stress of it too, and being too hard on yourself.
Fresh air , parks, story books and cuddles they will come out of this stage x

Hi op,

mine were like that almost every time they need to not be in school anymore 😂😂
holiday/family time is their fuel and then they were fine…until too much of school and then back at screaming.

Any chance you have a little holiday soon?

Maybe the reception/ nursery is not a good environment for them.
what do other parents think of the establishments?
could the problems come from there

That’s a really late bedtine
mine is in bed by 6:30 after a long day like that

My boys are the same age and in nursery or wrap around care 4 days a week meaning we say goodbye at 8am and pick up at 4:30/5. They are such long days for them and since the eldest has started school I’ve really noticed that and feel so guilty for it. The eldest is definitely getting to a point in the school year where he’s frazzled and needs a break. Unfortunately for him he will just be in holiday clubs for a chunk of summer. Urgh.
I think trying to do less is usually helpful. I find we are often rushing from place to place. “Put that twig down” “come on we’ll miss breakfast if we don’t run” “yes nice rock, but come on”. It’s exhausting for me and they must feel equally fed up of it too. Trying to do less, just means less running and pressure. They can play or dawdle or whatever at their own pace.
definitely the better weather helps with mine. I make more effort to finish early and we can play in the garden, have picnic teas and run through the sprinkler. They also really just appreciate more time with me and so trying to sit and play rather than focussing on jobs. So the time you do spend with them is quality time.
i agree with another poster though, that these things just come in phases and they tend to feed off each other and the vibe follows.
try to take some time out for a break for yourself too xx

When my DD was 3 she was a bit challenging, she'd scream every day for about 90 minutes, randomly it seemed because I couldn't connect the cause to tiredness, hunger etc. I think it was her way of getting out the stresses of her pre-school day. I know this isn't helpful in a practical way, but I think what I'm trying to say is that this, like all things will pass. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to help both of them.

Sounds like by asking the question and focusing on the kids you’ve fixed it yourself. Healthy snacks, earlier bedtimes and just more chill time sounds the way to go. Great to get them off the sugar and see the benefit in their behaviour. It will be benefiting their health too. Hope they got lots of praise for the great behaviour tonight. Hope you can unwind and do something nice for yourself too. Well done.

OP, I'd try an earlier bed time, or a wind-down time maybe story time in bed in a cool curtained bedroom. Would changing the temperature help? Open window? Fresh air sends me to sleep.

Also look at what you give them for supper. Carbs tend to make people sleepier.

They are bothy out of the home and being bombarded with activities for long periods each day - it sounds as if it is all too much for them at such a young age.

Are you at work and need the child care, or can this be tweaked a bit to fit in with their needs better?

I am afraid that it is at home where they let it all out after trying so hard to behave beyond their age all day.

I'm a GM to my DDs two kids and at that age their bedtime would have been nearer 6.30 (and up at similar time). Even now (13 and 11) they are in bed before 8.30 except on football/swimming nights. Tea is about 5 p.m. (dad works odd shifts so this suits him, otherwise DD and he would eat later).

It sounds like they need a calming period after school/nursery, perhaps a little snack, even a short nap if needed, then quiet time before bed.

I would do dinner almost as soon as you get home, by 4pm. My kids get too tired to eat if they have dinner too late. Dinner early and then a decent snack before bed. Getting outside but nothing too hectic, do you have a sandpit or is there one in a park near you? Painting or using chalk outside are nice chilled activities. Dinner, chilled out time outside, bath, snack, bed.

I remember when mine were 3 years old, there was a lot of crying and screaming.

definitely would suggest an earlier bedtime - 7pm and if you don’t already do at least 20 minutes reading to help with them relaxing and winding down for sleep.

could you try putting them to bed earlier? At that age mine were having stories in bed at 6:45 and lights out at 7pm and went straight off to sleep. School and nursery are knackering for little children - we used to do something straight after (park, swimming lessons, a bike ride, dog walk etc), and then go home to chill out and play in the garden or watch cartoons if it was rainy, until an early supper time (5ish at that age) then up for a bath as soon as I’d cleared up from their supper. Sticking to a really solid routine helped when they were little as well. Do they enjoy weekends more? It’s so hard when they are tired and need to rest but also want to run around and be busy! It does get easier as they get older and can cope better with long days at school x