I don’t feel like my kids are thriving right now

Let them help with making tea, give them some wind down time play a game or hide and seek or set challenges maybe for them to hunt for items outside. What about tea outside . My grandkids made pizza for tea then walked to IKEA for a a walk round in PJs which they love for some reason .

You could try games like ''Simon Says'' or simple yoga, see how long they can stand on one leg, for example.

They need distracting - physically. Make a kite on a windy day and fly it in the yard or park. Things like that use up excessive energy. Mind you, it takes three adults to grow tired before two kids will, so rope in help if you have it.

So glad you had a better day. 0P, that’s great. With mine we used to have dinner around 5ish and then they be allowed to watch some telly between 5:45- 6:30pm. Same things every evening, IgglePiggle was wonderful. Brush teeth, bed time story, lights out at 7pm. Same routine night after night for years. It helped them know exactly what was coming.

Also no sugar highs after school is great. I used to do bananas, peanut butter on crackers, baby bels, raisins, that sort of thing. No chocolate or biscuits. No sweets. No sugary drinks.Never! It really doesn’t help to have a sugar high and then a crash. Give them a bit of protein like cheese or nut butters and then the carbs, helps slow down the sugar entry. I also used to give them yogurt pouches. Not sure if they still do them. That was stabilising too. Yes some sugar in the yogurt but there’s some fat and protein to slow down the sugar entry. Completely different to a chocolate bar. I did sometimes did mini cheddars or hula hoops as a treat.

For everyone saying dinner at 5pm... are you all sahp? My partner and I don't finish work until 5.30pm... it's literally impossible to get home and get dinner on the table before 6pm at v earliest. So bedtime is rarely before 7.30/8pm

When mine were this age i changed my working hours. Dh dropped off in the morning and i went to work early so i could leave at 4. The childminder gave DS dinner and i picked up by 5.15, or i would have slowcooker meals waiting to eat as soon as we got home. Id have him in the bath before 6pm, out by 6.15 and then stories and bed. He needed the sleep

7 30pm/8pm might be too late a bedtime. When mine were reception they had to be in bed lights out by 6.30 or they were quite frankly a bit broken

There are copies on eBay.

Search in old bookshops for a copy of Dr Spock.

My little boy is like this after Nursey. I've just started reading to him when he came home. It made a difference once and then not the following night. I'll keep trying though. It's so hard and makes me feel guilty for leaving him!

I think someone mentioned a developmental period. Maria Montessori talked about sensitive periods - when the child needs to work on a specific skill or task. Being attentive to what that might be , often they will show you with their interest.

the other thing, and I know this is not popular, but it may just be unnatural for children to be in school at that age. I know that my older 2 stayed home with me and they never had tantrums or any of the stress I deal with in my younger who is at preschool now. They were thriving whereas the younger is always anxious or irritable. I just think young children are meant to stay home although some personalities adapt better than others.

I would consider trying a 7pm bedtime and seeing if that makes any difference.

Edit: Sorry, I've just seen your update and realised you've already decided to do that! Good plan to cut out sugary snacks, too- it turns some kids into little demons.

It sounds like they're doing loads to the point of exhaustion. Maybe try a low sensory downtime when they get back?

Are they over/under stimulated when they’re awake and at home?

When mine were that age I found having dinner at 4 really helped, then long bath at 5, in bed reading stories at 6 and sleep at 6.30. If ever dinner was delayed they would meltdown, even if they had a snack.

It sounds like you’re doing everything you can really. It’s a tough age, and it will be bumpy. Just get through it as best you can!

I skipped the snacks and gave them their tea as soon as they got home - nothing fancy; scrambled egg, quick pesto pasta etc that takes minutes to prepare. Mine were really hangry after school, but snacks just curbed their appetites without giving them what they needed.

Then they’ve got plenty of time to chill, long bath, early bedtime. Nothing rushed. They hate being rushed at that that age.

One of mine (who is dyspraxic) used to magically change from an angry monster to happy chilled child after his piano lesson/practice. I used to marvel at it. Obviously this is not the case for all kids - music practice can be an absolute battle ground! But perhaps something to try.

Different strategies work for different kids.

My 4yos are like this after nursery. I do as many have said, try and get the fed, bathed, bed quickly and have some chill time etc etc. But they definitely release from the day and they're wild. Two things I've found that often help...

1. We create a story together instead of me reading one and trying to get them to listen. So I start with 'once upon a time...' and make something up. And then we each take a turn to add to the story. We just go round and round each building on the story until they seem calm and settled and then I can say the end. They quickly calm down and get completely focused on listening and then interested in what they're saying as they part of the story. Story can become very random but it's great listening to their imagination!

1. I make a game of deep slow breathing to try and regulate them. I count us in 'One. In through your nose. Hold. Out through your mouth' etc, on repeat.

Not sure if useful but thought I'd share!

The fact that it’s the norm doesn’t mean it’s right. It’s the norm in the uk to send 4.5-5 year old children to school, 8.20-3.30, those in after school clubs even longer. A long day and a long week. I was shattered after mon-Friday work week and I’m an adult. They need to be on their best behaviour, following the orders in a big group of children in a very noisy environment, completely overstimulated. No wonder they act out when they’re home. And the behaviour always gets worse towards the end of the term.

mine are the same age so I fully sympathise. It’s hard. That’s why I have no activities planned during the weekend until 1pm so they can relax at home and just potter around doing what they want. It works great and they completely different during the weekends or holidays.

Go outside! Children need outdoor play and they’re cooped up too much.

I find just really lowering demand helps our child. Just say hi and that I’ve missed him and then don’t speak to him unless he speaks to me and don’t make any demands for at least and hour. Just provide snacks and cuddles as needed. Seems to really help him regulate

This sounds tough! I think it’s completely normal for a reception aged child to be emotionally worn out by the end of the school day. It’s a lot for them to cope with, they have to hold their feelings in all day and then they see you (their safe space) and it all just comes tumbling out. And then three year olds are just three year olds - a whole hurricane of emotions 🙈.

Some suggestions:

• earlier bedtime (7pm latest here).
• snack at pick up.
• plenty of fruit and veg to ensure good nutrition (we use one of those chip and dip trays and fill each section with a different fruit/veg and have this on the table during the time between pick up and dinner - it saves all the hungry whining whilst dinner is being prepared and means they’ve eaten their veggies first!).
• limits on screen time.
• calm time for half an hour before bed (we like to read books on one of the kids beds and just chat about stuff or be a bit silly).

@guh I assume you're putting them to bed before they're too tired (they're your kids so you would know - my oldest is low sleep needs so 7pm has never been his bed time, and he wakes at 6am if im lucky) and feeding them as much as you can.

Mine are 3 and 6, and they're like this often too. I'm drastically cutting screens and love bombing them, all the attention I possibly can (also work full time). Early days for us but they're playing more and screaming less. Like pp, I did also have to treat for threadworms recently, which was making the youngest particularly grumpy. Apparently they don't itch the oldest, but I confirmed with a torch one night...

Honestly, it's probably a phase - school is tiring, life is tiring, nursery is tiring. You can't go wrong with as much quiet, rest, food and affection though at these ages.

Bed by 7 latest. They sound tired.
DS9 was like this, got up at 7am and was tired & ratty by 6.30pm till about year 2. Now he refuses to go to sleep till 10pm. 🙄

But your child in reception is 4yo. School age use to be 5. And even then it would be half days for a term. Now they get a few weeks.

I think that’s a late bedtime for that age. Also go to bed earlier for downtime ie reading books as a transition to earlier bed times.

U would be the opposite of more activities post nursery/ school. They need time to chilled. Do you feed early? They can be hungry. I found neither setting supported my child to eat. They would just say she didn’t like it when she eats it at home.

Also my dc wasn’t diagnosed with autism till secondary school. If there is any ND in the family consider they are overloaded either from masking or too much stimulus. They was shattered when she went to PS.

I’ve noticed a big difference in behaviour, emotional reaction particularly since cutting out TV. We still have a movie afternoon occasionally on the weekend as a family, but routine paw patrol etc is out for good after seeing the positive change.

I also found skipping the post pick up snack and going straight to tea worked better for my 3yo. Otherwise the snack tided him over and by tea time he wasn’t hungry/was too tired to eat a decent meal. So we have super early dinner and snack AFTER if needed.

Hope the improvement you saw yesterday continues!!