My parents have told me I have to tell Ex-PIL to stop giving DD (aged 10 almost 11) pocket money each week because they already feel sidelined and now they know Ex-PIL give her money as well they can’t and DD will always now choose Ex-PILs over them.
ExH lives with his parents, so DD spends 40% of her time with them (5 nights a fortnight). They give all their grandchildren (ExHs siblings have DC) half their age as pocket money or if they’re under 7 as sweets or magazines. So DD gets £5 a week off them (going up to £5.50 when she turns 11) they give this to DD in cash and she then brings it home she insists my house is home and ExHs/Ex-PILs house is dads/grandparents but that's a whole other thread and I put it onto her debit card (she has an account similar to GoHenry included with my bank account). I also top this money up by £5 a week so she gets £10 a week total.
My parents think I should ask Ex-PILs to not give DD money and let them give it instead. They feel she gets too much pocket money already so can’t give her more on top. I’ve offered to cut mine so they can give it instead but they still think Ex-PIL need to “back off” as they have other GC and they don’t (my siblings don’t want DC and I don’t want anymore) so they have other opportunities to be Grandparents whereas they don’t. They also think Ex-PILs already have a better deal with being grandparents than them (my parents) because they live in DDs other home so she’s more likely to choose them over my parents because they think she has a better relationship with them.
I told them to tell Ex-PILs themselves but apparently it’ll sound better coming from me as they have only met them a couple of times.
For added context DD doesn’t spend more than £4 a week unless she really wants something which annoys my parents even more because they think if that’s the case then I can save what I give her for her future and Ex-PILs can just use their money on their other GC. I personally don’t think we can tell Ex-PILs how/when to spend their own money – ExH pays me CM so that’s as far as my relationship with him/his family and money goes. I also already save for her future but this is just her money for now to do as she wishes. Last time I checked her account she had over £100 sitting there (she sometimes asks me to take the money off and save it in my bank and send it back to her when she wants it which I do she normally only ever asks for a few £)
AIBU to not to speak as Ex-PILs to stop giving DD money?