To not tell Ex-PIL to stop giving DD money?

That bit from your ex is really weird, though!

You can't seriously think your parents are right
They are not ex pil
They are your child's grandparents
Exactly the the same relationship to your DD as your parents

Your parents have a strange take on this. If your DD only spends a couple of pounds of the pocket money a weekend and saves the rest, she sounds like a sensible child! What is their objection to her adding any pocket money they give her to her savings? If they want to feel like they're treating her, I'm sure they could find something inexpensive to give her now and again when she visits, favourite sweets, art supplies etc.

The most outrageous thing in all this is your parent's view that your DD shouldn't get more pocket money. Stuff changes. Big ticket items come along and need to be saved up for.

And just wait til she's older, cost of driving lessons etc. Both grandmothers of my DC are contributing (thousands!) to support DC with costs of going to uni, even loans need to be added to be thousands. Encourage them to look ahead - in my opinion late teens/ early 20s can be even more expensive than the earlier years.

Your parents need to realise that all that matters is that their GC is loved and lucky to be cared for my so many adults.
also, maybe you should open a savings account for her.

Imagine begrudging a child their pocket/holiday money. Disgusting behaviour.

sounds like they should spend more time with her, have her to stay over etc, and save some money for her future. You cannot ask them to stop giving money, it’s not their business.

I have the same sort of situation. Pils give my kids a monthly allowance and only live round the corner so they do see them more. My mum can't afford to give the same and I do think there is a bit a jealously there but she would never tell me to tell them to stop. Kids don't think any less of her for not giving.
Oh and now the eldest is 15 the extra pocket money helps when she wants fancy shower gels and shampoos instead of the generic stuff that I buy 😂

My parents think I should ask Ex-PILs to not give DD money and let them give it instead. They feel she gets too much pocket money already so can’t give her more on top. I’ve offered to cut mine so they can give it instead but they still think Ex-PIL need to “back off” as they have other GC and they don’t

Your parents really need to wind their necks in. They sound completely irrational and my-way-or-the-high-way types. And they’re jealous and resentful of their own grandchild’s relationship with her family:

Your ex-husband must have LOVED having them as in-laws.

I would tell them hee-haw about anything to do with your daughter’s other GPs going forward.

Your parents need to grow up and act like mature adults.

Your parents are being totally unreasonable, and I wouldn't encourage them to make this ridiculous demand of your PIL themselves - PIL might assume you agreed and it could harm your relationship with them. Of course DD has a good relationship with PIL if she sees them so much. I understand why your DP might be jealous, but tough.

(Having said that, personally I think £10 a week spending money is too much for a ten-year-old. I would put your £5 into a savings account she can’t access yet, and if your DP wanted to do the same they could, and tell your DD what they are doing.)

OP, you say of your own DPs, “DD likes them but she finds them a bit intense and competitive.”. I’m not surprised. I am open mouthed that your DPs would think it’s their place to ask you to tell your DC’s other DGPs to stop giving your daughter pocket money - it is so not their business. Also has it not occurred to them that, were you to do so and your DC found out, it would reflect very badly indeed on both you and them? Tell them that all DGPs are free to give your DC as much or as little as they see fit. It’s really not a competition. I know my son’s MIL is better placed than I am, and can afford to take her DC and DGC on holiday from time to time, which I certainly can’t - but I am pleased for them that they are able to go. Your DPs need to start looking at things from a perspective of what is in their DGC’s best interests and stop being so petty, jealous and interfering - it really isn’t a good look.

My paternal grandparents gave me money.
My maternal grandparents gave me love.

I chose the love.

Plus my rich grandmother was mean - which probably had a negative effect on my wanting to be in her company lol

Your parents are insane. They want your daughter to be treated differently by her grandparents than her cousins and to miss out on things she could have. They sound very selfish.

So the poor child can’t even speak about them without your jealous parents getting huffy. You need to shut this down and be the parent! It’s none of their business. I have a member of my family who gets huffy as my MIL spends more than my family can afford and I tell them that my children are grateful for anything they get and it’s about time and energy spent, not money!

Me too

You say: Mum, dad. Pull your heads in. Of bloody course I’m not going to say that to them, and anyone who loves my children should be glad they have 2 sets of grandparents who care about them. I cannot deal with your endless jealousy, I’m just going to hang up now.’

From your last response to my questions OP, it sounds like they should be concentrating on spending more quality time with their GD, rather than criticising what her other GP's do for her. Is there a reason why they only see her alone for 'an hour or two a few times a year, as it doesn't sound like they put in a lot of effort to see her, and they're certainly wouldn't be scoring any brownie points with her, if you were to listen to them, and put a stop to her other GP's giving her pocket money? Quite frankly, the fact that they don't like seeing their own DD without her child, says an awful lot about them, would you say you have a close relationship with them OP?

Your parents are green with envy and are only thinking of themselves. They have such an awful attitude. I can’t believe what they are even thinking. They wouldn’t have the nerve to tell the in-laws themselves because they know how ridiculous they are.

This!^^

Obviously your daughter needs to get the grandparents into a bidding war. 😉

It doesn’t work like that anyway. My PIL had more money than my parents so always gave larger cash sums etc to my kids.. but guess who they’re closer to as adults? My parents, who are interested in their lives and want to be part of them.

👏👏

Wow, your mum needs to stop with the jealousy, it is petty and nasty and ultimately it will only backfire on her.

Your parents are being ridiculous and run the risk of your daughter becoming much closer to her other grandparents not because of pocket money but because of their own sniping, mealy mouth behaviour. It is not even just their dictating how much the PIL give but deciding them matching it would mean she gets too much and not accepting you giving less . Considering, you said they are wealthy the amount they give is great - they are not throwing money at her meaninglessly but giving a reasonable amount she can use/ save as she likes.
The holiday money is not just for your daughter but also an acknowledgement that you are doing something their son isn't.
Your daughter is lucky she has 4 living grandparents and lots of people to love and care for her - your parents being jealous of two of them is just petty.