To not tell Ex-PIL to stop giving DD money?

Sounds like they are jealous and trying to push out the other grandparents. Why don't they set up a savings account for her instead, that would be a nice thing to do as an alternative.

I assume that OP means that when she married her ex-DH, her own parents asked how much OP's PILs were giving them each month.

Why don't your parents save it up in an account for your dd for when she turns 18/21, that way they will fell like they are doing something for her.

Your parents are way out of order and sound rather controlling. I think it's a nice thing the other grandparents are doing and they're treating all their grandchildren the same. It sounds like your parents resent their relationship with your dc. They need to build their own relationship with their grandchildren not try to take away one with the other side.
There are lots of way they could treat your dc if they don't want to give more money. It's not wrong for them to want to be more involved but it is wrong for them to take something away from the other grandparents.

Do what is, in your thoughtful and considered opinion, best for your child. Always. You and her dad decide. That in itself can be challenging; you don't need anyone else mixing in. You can respectfully listen to and consider your parents' opinion, but you are also free to dismiss it.

It sounds like what your ex's parents are doing is reasonable and fair; they give a moderate amount to all of the grandchildren and scale it by age. Everyone knows what to expect; it's not going to suddenly change on whim. I'd keep that for your daughter. Let her be a grandchild and be like her cousins; don't separate her out because of what your parents want for themselves. Instead, perhaps challenge them to give her something of themselves that only they can - maybe stories about your family heritage and past, maybe a trip to someplace where there are family roots, maybe giving her a family heirloom or getting her a present with special significance (not necessarily expensive) for a birthday or Christmas?

Why do your parents even know she gets pocket money from her other set of grandparents? Mine have no idea what the other set of grandparents give as gifts and vice versa. If your parents ask then shut it down, I'd be blunt to the point of rudeness and say they are being weirdly competitive and you won't discuss it again.

Tell them that you’ll only tell ex PIL to stop giving her money if you can also tell DD why she isn’t getting it any more. That will shut them up.

I’ve lost both my grandparents. Neither gave me pocket money. One always gave me money for birthdays and the other was a terrible present buyer but spoiled me in other ways - it didn’t change how I felt about them. It is nice that your DD has a lovely relationship with her grandparents - your parents need to focus more on connection and less on competition.

How utterly sad for your daughter that she has grandparents who want to cause problems in her relationship with her other grandparents and potentially her dad for the sake of £5 a week pocket money and their quite frankly batshit jealousy. There is nothing stopping them from either giving her pocket money themselves or finding something else to bond them to their only grandchild.

I would tell them to piss off btw.

This is quite controlling isn’t it ? They’ve arbitrarily decided that if they give DD another fiver she’ll be getting too much pocket money, even though she doesn’t spend what she gets now. I would tell them that what her paternal grandparents give her is none of their business, and that the relationships with family are more important than money. I’d say that whether they also give her pocket money or not is their own business, but you’re not going to stop PiL’s contribution just to satisfy their petty jealousy. Tell them if they want to contribute they could open an ISA for your DD and put any pocket money they would have given in that instead, so she has something when she’s older.

I think l’d also have to say something about the way in which they’re trying to make money the driving force behind their relationship with their DGD when it sounds as though money isn’t important to her - at least right now. It’s not a good look for them.

So they want your DC to go without so they can buy her affection? How would she feel if they give their other gc money and not her. Sounds ridiculous

And I would open her an ISA or something if she is able to save some of it.

You can change your vote 😊

Why should your daughter miss out because of their insecurities? And why should you be the go between.

As your daughter isn’t even spending it all, it doesn’t sound like money particularly drives her or her behaviour, or would impact who she ‘likes the most’ anyway.

Not only should the ex PIL be able to give pocket money as they see fit- YABVU by saying your parents should speak to them to sort it.

why drag your child’s life down because your parents are jealous and insecure. Also what are they saying about your child’s character that they’ll only respond to money.

extra money could be invested for your child or saved towards things in the future. Why limit your child’s options? Why is there a maximum level your child can have and why are your parents dictating this austerity. You’ll always need money for something.

if they can’t give money, they could give time instead. I think the other PIL sound lovely.

It is none of your parents business who gives you daughter pocket money or how much they give her!
Being a grandparent is a privilege NOT a competition between the sets of grandparents as to who can treat the grandkids the best ffs
I would be encouraging the child to save some of her pocket money though - this is something that will help her to appreciate the value of money ( I hope that makes sense as I mean it kindly and not condescendingly ) .
Your daughter clearly has a wonderful relationship with her paternal grandparents , why would you fracture that by dictating what they should and shouldn’t do to salve your parents ego?

Absolutely not. Suggest to your parents that they put some money into a bank account for your daughter so she has a lump sum when she is older.

Yes I agree they could enjoy the other parts of life with your DD, seems they don’t strive for that either?

They do sound a PITA, whilst in-laws treat every GC the same and have a plan of how they like doing that.

Personally I’d be doing all I could to get as much money as I could for my DC as who knows how much houses etc are going to cost for them by the time they’re adults. I would tell your parents PiL (or whatever the abbreviation is) has stopped and they need to start putting £5.50/week in an isa for her to access when she’s 18. Then keep accepting the original money. Everyone’s happy and none the wiser. And your DD is rich! Problem solved. You’re welcome.

I am a DGM. It is not a competition.
I do not give my DGC any pocket money, but pay into an account set up by my DS for them.
What I have is a relationship with them. That means more than anything.

So they want to take something nice away from their grandaughter so that they can make themselves feel better? Not great behaviour from grown adults that are supposed to love her.

Absolutely nonsensical trying to control another grandparents spending like this I've never heard such tosh.

Your parents can always put money into a bank account themselves so your dd doesn't have too much spending money and can have money for when she's older which I'm sure she would be hugely grateful for.
It's weird instead of using their brain power to come to a satisfactory solution themselves they want you to ask them to treat all their grandchildren differently!!

Your parents are weird and actually sound horrible. You're too boring to see alone?!
Don't entertain them deciding what your daughter's grandparents do.

I was just coming to say the same.

it’s none of their business what her other GPs do. It IS in their co trial what they do. So start saving for her if money is so important.

also, what they think she should get is irrelevant. You are her parent. It sounds like you have managed to retain a good solid co parenting relationship with your ex and his family are part of your daughter’s life. If your parents live her as they say then they should be delighted she has so much support.

my mum can’t help us financially but my MIL can. Does my mum complain, no. She does what she can. She lives closer so can offer time and attention in a way MIL can’t due to distance. They all love the kids!

They are ridiculous!
why do t they open a savings account for her, it won’t be long before she is spending far more than that each week and she will need pocket money from everyone!

I would just refuse to talk about money from ILs again with your parents. They are bieng completely unreasonable.
Next time they ask about pocket money or bring it up say you are not discussing it again and keep changing the subject.

”My parents have told me I have to”

Do your parents often demand what you have to do? This sounds pretty controlling, and I imagine is not in isolation.

If you are over the age of 18 then they can’t really boss you around. If you are a paid employee of their business, they can tell you what your work duties are. If you live in their home, they can decide reasonable rules on how you behave in their house. But outside of that they can’t go making crazy demands on you and your child.