To not tell Ex-PIL to stop giving DD money?

she finds them a bit intense and competitive.

Your DD is very perceptive. Ironically, it's their competitiveness that will lose them the perceived grandparenting contest, nothing to do with money.

This thread has achieved a rare unanimity in comments - your parents are BU to try and dictate what two other adults do for their own DGD. Bonkers!

It’s not up to your parents how much money your DD has or gets. It’s up to YOU, the parent, to decide how much is too much. If they want to give, they give. If they don’t, they don’t. None of the rest is any of their business and I suggest you tell them to stick to their role as GRANDPARENTS and butt their big noses right out.

I would tell your parents that if they have an issue with ex PiL giving your DD pocket money they should tell them themselves - that you don’t agree with it and you won’t be the go between. Then I would forewarn your ex PiL and say that should your parents actually contact them about it, they should tell them in no uncertain terms that what they give their grand daughter in the way of pocket money is none of your parents’ business.

I would also explain to your parents that their behaviour is off the scale controlling and that as a result of them putting their petty jealousy above the welfare of their grand child, you have concerns about whether it’s in her best interests to be around them.

That’s what I’d do. But then I’m an arse !!

No you can't.

Just tell them that they can do what they like and so can your PIL.

They don't get to dictate what your PIL do and you will certainly not be passing on any messages.

Your parents are being ridiculous, it isn't up to them how much money your DD gets from anyone apart from themselves. Your DD is very fortunate and that absolutely shouldn't be taken away or cut down because your parents can't afford to do same and they're jealous.

Your parents are being ridiculous. It's perfectly ok for their other grandparents to treat them. Honestly of they prefer them it won't be because they give them pocket money it's because they are attention seeking and divisive.

The Ex PIL as you call them are your child's grandparents.
They are free to give her money as they see fit.
Your parents are interfering in something that quite frankly is none of their business.
Why not open a child savings account for your daughter (not a child trust fund) and give both sets of grandparents the details so that if they wish they can send her money. You could regularly save £20 a month for her instead of adding to her pocket money. I would slso look for a bank account that is free to use rather than one that has a monthly charge.

@GrandparentsPocketMoney - just tell them how other folks grandparent is none of their business and you are no longer interested in hearing about it going forward. Nip the conversation in the bud every time. “Parent - you are overstepping our boundaries, please stop.” Repeat verbatim until they do.

Your parents sound nuts. No way would I do this! The other grandparents have a right to a relationship with the children too.

You DPs have not right to tell DD's other GPs what to do with their money or what to give their DGD. It's NOTB. Tell your DPs to back off, you are not interfering with DD's relationship with her other grandparents, who are not stopping your DPs giving your DD pocket money if they wish.

You should tell your parents that DD will only favour her other grandparents because they aren’t jealous, competitive and controlling. Quite simply their salty attitude is ruining their relationships. It’s obvious to DD already and will be more obvious the longer the allow it to continue.

Sorry I wrote in laws twice. Ex in laws carry on paying, parents start paying and you put your£5 in savings.

Your parents are batshit but if you wanted a “solution” I’d suggest that your ex in laws carry on giving the money, your in laws give money and you put your £5 a week into a longer term savings or ISA for your daughter.

This sums it up perfectly to be fair!

Your parents need to stop being so ridiculously selfish and recognise that your daughter is a human being, not a toy that everyone should get an equal turn with.

Whether they get to be grandparents again is completely irrelevant to your daughter's relationship with her other grandparents.

I know they are you ex-PIL and you might just be referring to them as that here for ease. But do you think if you stopped talking about them as ex and just at the other grandparents your parents might see things slightly differently?

It seems that they think of you as the primary carer, and therefore themselves as the primary grandparents. Whereas in fact they are all “just” grandparents. The fact you and your ex are no longer together hasn’t altered the grandparents standing.

What maybe best is if your parents give the same amount of money (if they can afford it) and put it into premium bonds. That way they can stick to the guns of her not having any more spending money right now, but can always tell your daughter that they give her pocket money too.

So your parents solution for their jealousy of your ex-PIL’s is for your ex-PIL’s to treat your DD differently to their other GC’s and for your DD to miss out? Because that won’t cause issues down the line when DD finds out that she gets no pocket money from them whilst her cousins do! Your parents should be happy that your DD has 4 supportive GP’s who all want to have a good relationship with her.

it also sounds like you have instilled a good attitude towards money with your DD and that she understands the value of it - it’s so cute she asks you to put chunks of it in her savings until she’s decided what she wants to do with it ☺️ keep doing what you’re doing OP!

This is the perfect time to tell your daughter about not mentioning the source of her funds in front of other people. I can't talk about any gifts from the other GPs to my children or my mother becomes incandescent with jealousy. If she asks about money I just say, "oh gosh, I have no idea!" When in fact, I know all the figures but have absolutely no intention of sharing it with them! I wouldn't even tell them the price if we were buying a house. The tittle tattle and jealousy!

Your parents would prefer their grandchild to go without pocket money from her other grandparents in order to prevent their own bitterness at it not being a level playing field for them. My goodness, that’s all sorts of wrong thinking.

I know they are your parents OP, but please do not entertain this idea from them. Put a stop to their thinking as soon as possible by explaining that you don’t want your daughter to measure the success of her relationships on how much money she receives. It is morally wrong and I’m sure goes against a child’s instincts to love her family, anyway.
Encourage your daughter to value her lovely relationships equally with both sets of grandparents in spite of them each having a different set of circumstances.

Your parents are controlling and way off with this request and show themselves in a bad light.
You are correct to object strongly to their line of thinking on this.

Refuse to discuss it with your parents anymore, open an ISA for your DD, send them the details and tell them to stick their £5 a week in there. Your parents are disgraceful and sound very controlling. My mum is very well off, my MIL is not. Neither has a clue how much money each has given my kids and neither has ever asked because that is incredibly rude and inappropriate.

They tell you seeing you is boring unless your daughter is there? They do not sound very kind OP or reasonable. This is not normal behaviour!

Telling their adult daughter that, dictating how much pocket money their grandchild should get. Why are you allowing yourself to be treated like this? Have some boundaries and tell them what her other grand parents choose to do is none of their business and you will not be talking about it again.