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Original poster

To insist on DP showering before we are intimate

119 replies

GreenGreenGiant · 13/05/2025 18:31

DP works a manual job, and can be a bit whiffy when he returns. I’ve always insisted on him showering before any intimacy which he has done without complaint. Recently, he is moaning about it and saying it kills any spontaneity as he doesn’t shower as a matter of course after work (he has one each morning). I would struggle to be intimate without him showering if I’m honest. Do you see his point of view or am I being a bit uptight?

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Poodlelove · 05/09/2025 00:27

How long does a shower take , why should you put up with the smell even if you are not intimate?
He should come home , go upstairs , quick shower and then he can relax.Easy routine to get used to.He should also have a wash/ shower every morning.
Men are gross , shower after poo 💩

2025meme · 28/06/2025 17:52

GreenGreenGiant · 13/05/2025 18:31

DP works a manual job, and can be a bit whiffy when he returns. I’ve always insisted on him showering before any intimacy which he has done without complaint. Recently, he is moaning about it and saying it kills any spontaneity as he doesn’t shower as a matter of course after work (he has one each morning). I would struggle to be intimate without him showering if I’m honest. Do you see his point of view or am I being a bit uptight?

Yes it can ruin the moment but if he’s really stinky then no he showers

ACynicalDad · 28/06/2025 17:44

He's grim.

PithyTaupeWriter · 29/05/2025 16:37

He’s being very unreasonable to expect you to find his stench attractive. My ovaries have shrivelled up just thinking about it.

Evilspiritgin · 15/05/2025 11:50

What I don’t get is that op wants him to have a shower so they can have sex but isn’t that bothered about him coming to bed smelling??

Unless I’m reading it wrong and they’ve got two single beds in the bedroom, like when med used to do the gentlemanly thing and wash their bits and pieces

Disturbia81 · 15/05/2025 11:46

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 15/05/2025 11:37

either your knowledge of the human anatomy is shocking, or you tried to make yourself look superior and you spectacularly failed 😂

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Yep she was literally on about blowjobs earlier..

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 15/05/2025 11:37

CombatBarbie · 15/05/2025 11:34

Last time I checked i don't go near either region when it's spontaneous sex..... but must be so boring to be you 👍

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either your knowledge of the human anatomy is shocking, or you tried to make yourself look superior and you spectacularly failed 😂

CombatBarbie · 15/05/2025 11:34

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 22:39

I think you’re pretty unusual getting turned on by sweaty balls and unwashed arse, but we’re all different 😂🤷🏼‍♀️

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Last time I checked i don't go near either region when it's spontaneous sex..... but must be so boring to be you 👍

ihaterunning111 · 14/05/2025 22:55

Even without intimacy, I’d expect him to shower at night. Who wants to eat dinner and get into bed when you’re smelly? Yuck.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 14/05/2025 22:50

Blimey, I have an office job, and if have to commute to work, the first thing I do when I go home is have a shower.

I don't understand why people don't do that - or at least have a shower before bed anyway.

Saves any problem about spontaneity later.

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 22:41

ItGhoul · 14/05/2025 00:42

If a man wanted me to shower before having sex with me, my fanny would immediately snap shut like a bulldog clip. To me, that would just be passionless and prissy and depressing. The ‘Eww, germs, bodies are dirty and gross’ attitude is just so alien to me.

For me, sex isn’t something I want to be sanitised. If I fancy someone, I’m not going to be repelled by a bit of sweat from a day’s work - in fact, I’d find it sexy.

It’s not about germs but bad smells.

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 22:39

CombatBarbie · 14/05/2025 19:19

I never said it did......but if he stinks of bo he needs a different deodorant. Op didn't specifically say bo, just said stinks..... like I said my partner can get sweaty and I can tell when he's had a hard day but it's not on offputting smell. Plenty have commented on pheromones.

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I think you’re pretty unusual getting turned on by sweaty balls and unwashed arse, but we’re all different 😂🤷🏼‍♀️

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2025 22:37

outerspacepotato · 14/05/2025 21:01

Ruins the mood for whom?

He wants to have sex despite (or possibly because) knowing she's turned off by his stench. He doesn't care that she is not "in the mood" directly due to he's either too lazy or uncaring to bathe. He argues with her and tries to gaslight her. That is a freaking weird dynamic he's got going on there.

WTF, ruins the mood.

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Well said, HE is ruining the mood with his stinky self!

Bobnobob · 14/05/2025 22:30

If he wants spontaneous sex he will have to shower after work every day. Simple.

dogcatkitten · 14/05/2025 21:04

GreenGreenGiant · 13/05/2025 18:31

DP works a manual job, and can be a bit whiffy when he returns. I’ve always insisted on him showering before any intimacy which he has done without complaint. Recently, he is moaning about it and saying it kills any spontaneity as he doesn’t shower as a matter of course after work (he has one each morning). I would struggle to be intimate without him showering if I’m honest. Do you see his point of view or am I being a bit uptight?

If he only wants to shower once a day shower when he comes home. he will still be clean enough for work in a manual job in the morning.

outerspacepotato · 14/05/2025 21:01

SnowFrogJelly · 14/05/2025 19:22

I think insisting on showering ruins the mood

Ruins the mood for whom?

He wants to have sex despite (or possibly because) knowing she's turned off by his stench. He doesn't care that she is not "in the mood" directly due to he's either too lazy or uncaring to bathe. He argues with her and tries to gaslight her. That is a freaking weird dynamic he's got going on there.

WTF, ruins the mood.

Daisyvodka · 14/05/2025 20:52

Er I've never known a tradie not shower when they get home.

Also this is how you get UTIs and thrush etc. Speaking from bitter experience, not basing that on scientific proof admittedly! But I've always found it to be the case....

Walker1178 · 14/05/2025 20:35

This shouldn’t be about sex, it’s just basic hygiene!
My DP works a manual job, when he gets home he showers and puts clean clothes on, we can then be as spontaneous as we want until he leaves for work again early the next morning! Tell your DP to stop being a grot

Smelltherain · 14/05/2025 19:35

I think it's only respectful to wash if he smells before getting intimate. I wouldn't even dream of coming home after a long day's work and getting intimate with someone. Yuck!!! He should be having a wash anyway after work regardless

SnowFrogJelly · 14/05/2025 19:22

I think insisting on showering ruins the mood

CombatBarbie · 14/05/2025 19:19

JHound · 14/05/2025 16:21

But her issue is his stink.

And others are discussing the fact that he moans about showering when he gets home, means irrespective of whether they have sex, he gets into bed and stinks.

Having sex on the counter is not going to fix that issue.

Also being attracted to your partner does not mean liking them when they stink of BO.

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I never said it did......but if he stinks of bo he needs a different deodorant. Op didn't specifically say bo, just said stinks..... like I said my partner can get sweaty and I can tell when he's had a hard day but it's not on offputting smell. Plenty have commented on pheromones.

JHound · 14/05/2025 16:21

CombatBarbie · 14/05/2025 10:27

Because the incident she's referring too is when he's just home....was feeling horny and wanted intimacy with his wife???

Jeez does noone just look at their partner and get turned on anymore??? Sex doesn't always take place in bed...not in my relationships anyway. It's called spontaneous fun.

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But her issue is his stink.

And others are discussing the fact that he moans about showering when he gets home, means irrespective of whether they have sex, he gets into bed and stinks.

Having sex on the counter is not going to fix that issue.

Also being attracted to your partner does not mean liking them when they stink of BO.

CombatBarbie · 14/05/2025 15:10

@Gyozas Your opinion is your own. Fun and spontaneous activity are generally what keep marriages/relarionships alive. But going by mumsnet standards it's something to be ashamed of 🙄

SadieAdlerBountyHunter · 14/05/2025 13:16

doodahdayy · 14/05/2025 04:16

Most people don’t find BO sexy.

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I definitely find it sexy.

I started dating a friend I'd known for years after getting a good whiff of his laundry basket. Something about that smell made me suddenly fancy him like mad!

Pheromones are a thing. It's not a good sign if you find your partner's sweat smell off-putting. You should always give a man a good sniff before dating him, if you ask me. It should make you want to jump on him immediately.

alexdgr8 · 14/05/2025 11:55

GreenGreenGiant · 13/05/2025 19:33

Apologies, I thought it was a more widely known term. Yes, it’s essentially washing your genitals in the sink!

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I hope you mean wash hand basin in the bathroom and
Not the kitchen sink.

Frankly I can't imagine spending more than 24 hrs voluntarily with these hygiene habits or lack thereof.