To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

The same would apply if that were OP's preferred time for her daily judo class!

Is it just you? I don’t think it is a motherhood penalty. Just this job is not compatible with your preferred working style. I had a similar position and worked my exact hours and not a second more.

Stop working at 3pm.

Goodness, it beggars belief that other mums are so against a single mother earning great money (which I am sure they'll work hard for) and still wanting to pick their kids up. That is good money but post tax is about £5,500 a month take home which in many parts of the country won't exactly see you tripping over in cash. 2x parents on £33000 a year - not massive salaries - would take home around the same. Not an option for a single parent though, who is fulfilling the role of both parents at the same time without any respite.

I agree it is a penalty - whether you view it as a motherhood one or a single parent one. Flexibility is offered by many companies - could you offer to formalise it? Core hours and out of hours targets for example? I work in the evenings to make up extra hours - unless you have to be permanently on the end of the phone what difference does it make!

Earning a hundred grand a year gives you plenty of options.

But it completely depends on the work place. I work in social work and our local authority is great at offering flexible working arrangements. However at full time I'm expected to work core hours. If there is a crisis or emergency with one of my clients because I was unavailable due to school runs then yes someone else would be expected to pick up the slack and I can see how resentment builds.

There are still lots of family friendly employers that however if you work full time you are still required to be available during core hours. The OPs new employer sounds like they've been more than generous with her.

I don't know if this is helpful, but I've been paid 80% for the last 20 years to allow me to have Wednesday off to help me to cope with being disabled. I have always done a full week of work in terms of activity and attainment, but I've had to accept the reduction. To be fair, I thought it was absolutely fair enough, so it didn't cause me any resentment at all at the time. Now people are being paid 100% to work four days a week and the rationale is that all do is they cut out is their wasted time - chatting, lunch breaks, popping out for coffee etc. I cut that all out 20 years ago in order to get my work done in the reduced time. I can't remember the last time I had a lunch break. I have been doing a full-time job for 80% pay for a very long time. I sometimes have to remind myself to not feel resentment!

With that in mind, I would be tempted, if I were you, to say "let's see what I can do during my probation - you are paying me to perform a role, not to clock in and out at a particular time, and I think there is a very good chance I will perform the role just fine in the time I work. If you aren't happy, then we can revise the contract". Mention these people being paid full-time to work a 4 day week, and tell them that as a mother, you are particularly good at making the most of your effort. It is worth a try.

In the end you may just have to do what I have had to do - accept that you got the thin end of the wedge. But, at least if they stop paying you at 3:30pm, by their system of watching the hours instead of concentrating on the role, you can stop thinking about work at that exact point, and tell them to bugger off if they want you to do anything later. It takes two to tango. But you can't be buggered both ways.

This isn't something to aspire to. Starting early, logging on after work, and skipping breaks are all signs of an unhealthy work dynamic. And perhaps these women should ask the child's dad to take a turn..?

@Sheldonsheher doing your job is not being a jobsworth. Good try though.

But why? By not being 100% present at work, you will be impacting others who are. You're having to leave work early/come in late and those without DC normally have to work harder to cover. You chose to have dc.

Lots of Holier Than Thou subservient jobs worths on tonight.

I’m glad I work for a family friendly company. Many wonderful hardworking woman leave at 3 to collect the kids and log on later - or start earlier.

No blokes leaving to collect their kids?

I’m glad I work for a family friendly company. Many wonderful hardworking woman leave at 3 to collect the kids and log on later - or start earlier.

We aren’t ’picking Up the slack’ if anything they don’t take breaks or lunch - so use their time wisely.

Woman helping woman?? Nice one ladies

Back to my favorite interview & application question
Is there any reason you would not be able to be at work location for the hours / days required?

Similar to - any reason you would not be able to conduct the work as required / described ?

Weeds put people who actually want different schedules or for some reason can’t do a fairly standard thing (ride in a lift, work alongside an omnivore, travel to other local worksites, or use WhatsApp)

Good point. Why apply for a job if one isn't willing to .... do the job.

Also echoing the comments that you’ve actually been really lucky that they’re effectively offering you a part time contract in a pretty senior role. I’d bite that offer tbh. Finishing at 3.30 sounds great. Also why can’t you do wrap around care? So many women seem to shoot themselves in the foot by rigidly sticking to school pick up time.

YABU. The job pays what it pays bf or the advertised hours. If you couldn’t do them you shouldn’t have applied.

Worked in dept where employer gave extra £ for childcare when parent was on overnight trip.

One woman, asked for same getting dog care for overnight which she said was more ££ than for a child. They paid it. Ultimately, when not travelling, her fur baby was home alone all day & and had to give him up. She would not pay for daytime dog care …

Exactly. It takes a lot of gall to expect FT wages for PT work.

If the worker said to her boss "Oh, btw, I need to leave at 3:30 ever single day because I took a part-time job starting then; don't worry I'll log in a few times in the evening to make up for it" they'd be laughed out of the workplace.

Parents are always claiming it's "a job" looking after kids. So bascially OP wants to be paid full time for doing her other "job" of watching her kid from 3:30 onward while glancing at her e-mails occasionally. Instead of hiring someone to look after the kid during business hours.

Not surprised the employer said "No thanks."

Nothing to do with motherhood, stop trying to find things that aren’t there. You’ve been offered a highly paid job, you’ve asked not to work full time and they’ve offered a compromise. Perfectly fair. A business is free to decline arrangements if it doesn’t work. I’ve declined a request for a role to go part time as I couldn’t distribute the work to the remainder of my team (well I could but their workload would increase too much) and I couldn’t bring someone else in to cover it.

If you’re working part time then it’s not surprising they are cutting your hours and pay. You can’t properly concentrate on work with a young child running around surely?

What a complete crock of shit.

We have more free time because we made a choice to be childfree.

Those who chose otherwise, presumably the presence of your little darlings makes up for the lack of leisure time with no responsibilities. Doesn't it????

If not, too bad, don't complain to me and don't expect special treatment in the workplace due to your personal lifestyle choices.

I just used my free time after work to get a pedicure and am about to enjoy some time in the garden with a glass of wine and a cheeseboard, listening to the birds and planning my new rose bed.

Doesn’t have to be. I cut my hours to 4 days a week when i returned to work. I spent so much time working on my “day off” and in the evenings because they never actually adjusted my workload, that the number of hours I worked didn’t change. So after about two months told them I was ready to return full time with one day a week working from home, which they agreed to. If I was doing the work anyway, why should my pay change?

OP hasn’t said whether her job can only be done between 9&5 (and I seriously doubt it because at 95k, you’re never 9-5) If they are being unreasonable about allowing her to be away from her desk for an hour or so to pick up her daughter, then I’d be tempted to do the same.

This is the motherhood penalty, where an employer won’t be flexible when it actually won’t make much of a difference to her work. I guarantee they will reduce the hours but not the workload.

I’m a single parent myself and I pay a fortune to make sure my kids have proper after school childcare while I work full time. I’d be pretty resentful of a colleague not paying for childcare and just taking time off work.

Yes - I know it’s not great fun when your kid is ill and you have to leave work.

but the brutal reality is that you aren’t pulling your weight at work when you do so.

being a parent is like having a second job. It might be very noble, but if you’re spending time parenting, you aren’t doing the job. Why should your colleagues have to pick up the slack?

Agree with most, its not a penalty, you're asking to leave work to drive to collect your child and then look after them while you're paid to work? Id be miffed if I was your colleagues and you were doing that. I work and pay for after schools club like most working parents

I don’t think it is a motherhood penalty because a single father would also be affected.

This is why there are tax relief schemes to help with childcare costs. It is a little unfair for you, because two parents earning £90k will get as much support as you earning £90k on your own.

You’ve been lucky with your job so far but now you will have to use after school clubs, holiday clubs, childminder etc

@Yudl
Take the full time salary and pay for a childminder after school. They grow up fast and you won’t need it forever.

in the meantime… more contributions into your pension etc.

If you go for the payout, guaranteed you’ll end up doing the hours in your own time anyway but not getting the benefit.

good luck.