To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

Not if your working flexibly and make up the time later. Is going for coffee talking to others cheating the employer. Lots of people being over dramatic.

To all those saying to cheat the WFH system, it's the most selfish thing you can do! Because if you get caught and your employer decides to do away with homeworking because of your behaviour, you ruin it for everyone and you'll be the most hated person in your company because you've stolen hours of their home life and slashed their salaries to pay for fuel costs 5 days a week again! Good luck going to a workplace everyday where you are despised by everyone!

If one cheats the employer and is doing school run in work time its unauthorised absence and payment for work not undertaken. Your employer can initiate disciplinary action.

It causes reputational damage when recruiting other parents, they’ll have an institutional memory of the decept
Employer could withdraw WFH for everyone as a repercussion. Adversely affect many people

in summary, it’s a dick thing to do

I’d be inclined to go back and say ‘It’s sorted. I’ll work full time for 95k thanks v much.’ And I’d just carry on nipping out and picking her up, or do afterschool club a few days, a playdate here and there and just make it work.

Like others have said it depends on how old she is. Tricky to WFH with her there if she’s 4, anything 7 and over should be much easier.

It's not just women that make the decision whether to have a child or not! Men are involved massively in deciding whether to have a kid or not! Couples are not as forced by societal expectations anymore to have kids! Both parties make these decisions, women cannot self impregnate!

The way the birth rate is going, looking after children will be a generational problem that will end with the next generation.

OP, you'll get a lot of people saying "you chose to have children" and all that guff.

It's hardly unsurprising that women are increasingly choosing not to have children. And many of the same people who go on about "small state", "personal responsibility" and all that are now becoming quite upset about this. Certainly, everyone will be when income tax goes up to deal with the economic consequences of a declining birth rate.

Goodness, it beggars belief that other mums are so against a single mother earning great money (which I am sure they'll work hard for) and still wanting to pick their kids up. That is good money but post tax is about £5,500 a month take home which in many parts of the country won't exactly see you tripping over in cash. 2x parents on £33000 a year - not massive salaries - would take home around the same. Not an option for a single parent though, who is fulfilling the role of both parents at the same time without any respite.

I agree it is a penalty - whether you view it as a motherhood one or a single parent one. Flexibility is offered by many companies - could you offer to formalise it? Core hours and out of hours targets for example? I work in the evenings to make up extra hours - unless you have to be permanently on the end of the phone what difference does it make!

How old is your DD? I don’t think they’re unreasonable to say you can’t work while looking after a child at home. I think it’s more that you’ve been lucky with your current role.

ETA: at that salary, can’t she go into an after school club?

There is also the school holidays and inservice and sick days to think about. It’s pretty hard being a single parent if you don’t have any help!

There is also the school holidays and inservice and sick days to think about. It’s pretty hard being a single parent if you don’t have any help!

That’s not the problem of the other employees and team mates. There’s nothing that pisses people off more than the unequal distribution of the workload, particularly when people are using the old ‘childcare’ excuse.

There is also the school holidays and inservice and sick days to think about. It’s pretty hard being a single parent if you don’t have any help!

There is also the school holidays and inservice and sick days to think about. It’s pretty hard being a single parent if you don’t have any help!

I’d be inclined to go back and say ‘It’s sorted. I’ll work full time for 95k thanks v much.’ And I’d just carry on nipping out and picking her up, or do afterschool club a few days, a playdate here and there and just make it work.

Like others have said it depends on how old she is. Tricky to WFH with her there if she’s 4, anything 7 and over should be much easier.

I agree.

and I’ve never understood this idea that people (which usually means mums!) should be paid to stop working and be at home. I mean, being a SAHP is a perfectly valid choice, if you (or your partner) fund it.

A lot of this comes down to the partnerships that we choose. Dh and decided from the get go that we wanted things on as equal footing as possible. We both worked and both took equal responsibility for housework, nursery drops etc. And this was 30 years ago.

the OP is earning decent money. She has the choice to either accept the flexibility offered by her employer to not work core hours but to stop at 3:30 and collect her child from school, which would mean earning about 75k. Or she can work the full core hours and earn 95k, using some of that extra money to pay for a childminder or other form of care for the pick up and after school hours. Like millions of other people do (on lower incomes too!)
it’s really not a bad choice she has there and it’s a bit pathetic to see a woman in the 21st century whining that they want to do school pick up every day while still retaining the same salary as if they worked the full core hours

Women don’t have to juggle it all. Men have just as much right to request flexible working. Women can transfer some of their mat leave to their partner. And of course many couples continue to work equal hours after having kids and it’s up them whether they also share house and child responsibilities equally too.

the reality is that some women don’t want to share things equally. If one partner is going to stop work or go part time, they want it to be them. You see it frequently on Mumsnet…. Women who choose to reduce their hours while their partner remains a full time earner.

there Is nothing wrong with couples dividing up home and earning workload whatever way works best for them, but it’s disingenuous to either juggle it all, or to intentionally step back and let your career take the back seat, and then complain about it.