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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

433 replies

Yudl · 13/05/2025 15:31

Recently got a new job in which they offered 95k. Unfortunately they would not be flexible on hours despite the fact that in my current role I work after collecting dd. Instead they said they would pay me until 3:30 which means my pay is effectively cut to under 75k (and only a small pay rise from where I am). I feel annoyed as I can do the hours they need but do need to do a pick up in between. We are expected to work some evenings anyway.

AIBU to feel miffed about this? DH is sadly no longer around to help

OP posts:
spoonbillstretford · 13/05/2025 16:54

faerietales · 13/05/2025 16:51

If they can’t get to/from school independently, then the likelihood is that they need childcare.

If it’s just the school run OP needs help with, then she can pay someone to do that and not interrupt her working day.

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Or it might be that they live in a rural area and there is no public transport to and from school, and it's too far or unsuitable for travel on foot or bike. But her child is old enough to entertain themselves while she's home, given she currently doesn't finish at 3.30pm but pauses then restarts later in the afternoon.

Fluffyc1ouds · 13/05/2025 16:52

I would jump at the chance to finish work at 3.30 and earn slightly more. It sounds absolutely perfect to me!

faerietales · 13/05/2025 16:51

spoonbillstretford · 13/05/2025 16:49

Depends on the age of the child whether that is required- which OP hasn't said.

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If they can’t get to/from school independently, then the likelihood is that they need childcare.

If it’s just the school run OP needs help with, then she can pay someone to do that and not interrupt her working day.

IberianBlackout · 13/05/2025 16:51

It’s a penalty but it’s not their fault. We all know that motherhood compromises career growth, especially for us single parents.

MidnightPatrol · 13/05/2025 16:49

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 16:32

Where I work, after we were burned numerous times, it just so happens by great "coincidence" that none of our hires in recent years have been women of childbearing age. We find things are fairer to ALL employees when no one gets special reproduction-related privileges.

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A real shame that you are discriminating against women ‘just in case’ they make an unreasonable request around flexible working.

I have also had some challenging requests - it’s never ‘can I leave at 4pm on Wednesdays’, more ‘I now want to WFH full time and pick my kid up at 3’ which I just can’t accommodate.

I never get any men asking for this kind of flexibility either, which is frustrating in itself as childcare is still so blatantly a ‘woman’s problem’.

sheknowsitstoolate · 13/05/2025 16:49

Christ

spoonbillstretford · 13/05/2025 16:49

faerietales · 13/05/2025 16:18

If they’re paying that kind of salary, they can expect OP to use some of it to pay for childcare - like millions of other parents do.

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Depends on the age of the child whether that is required- which OP hasn't said.

smellyhouseelf · 13/05/2025 16:47

I earn 18k per year. I finish work at 3.30 and my daughter finishes school at 3 o'clock. I therefore pay for childcare for 3 o'clock until 4 o'clock. Maybe you could try that.

CalleOcho · 13/05/2025 16:46

YABU and sound very entitled.

What do you expect parents do who work in jobs such as customer service, hospitality, retail, public services, construction, healthcare etc? They can’t have flexibility to pick their kids up and then carry on working from home.

Use your extra salary to fund childcare or stay at your current job that has arrangements that work for you.

Melonmango70 · 13/05/2025 16:46

Yudl · 13/05/2025 15:31

Recently got a new job in which they offered 95k. Unfortunately they would not be flexible on hours despite the fact that in my current role I work after collecting dd. Instead they said they would pay me until 3:30 which means my pay is effectively cut to under 75k (and only a small pay rise from where I am). I feel annoyed as I can do the hours they need but do need to do a pick up in between. We are expected to work some evenings anyway.

AIBU to feel miffed about this? DH is sadly no longer around to help

Bloody hell. Imagine earning 95k per year! Wow. Childminder? It's not a "Motherhood" penalty, it's just work hours.

MidnightPatrol · 13/05/2025 16:45

OliverCrumblewell · 13/05/2025 16:35

Our council has the "Head of Paid Services and Director of Corporate Services" as their top earner and it is £127k pa, so only 30k off. 1 role for the entire council. It is not a common wage, especially if you aren't "allowed" to take lunch at 3:30 to do the school run, for example.

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If I was looking for a highly paid job, the council wouldn’t be the first place I was looking!

Statistically, about 5-6% of the working population earn this wage of wage or above, so1 in 20 people. If in London it could be more like 1 in 10 (I don’t have stats but wages are typically highest there).

An experienced professional / senior manager in any number of fields could hope to command a salary of this sort.

faerietales · 13/05/2025 16:44

rainingsnoring · 13/05/2025 16:40

75k to work until 3pm sounds pretty good or you could pay for after school care. It isn't a motherhood penalty, the same would apply to a father.

I was going to say similar - 75k to finish at 3pm everyday sounds fucking amazing to me.

faerietales · 13/05/2025 16:43

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 13/05/2025 16:42

Its potentially a parenthood penalty? But the employers are actually being pretty reasonable here.

Personally, at £20k gross I would find a CM who will do school pick up and 3.30-6 childcare for you.

How is it a parenthood penalty?

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/05/2025 16:42

BIossomtoes · 13/05/2025 15:36

Maybe you could use some of your £95k to pay someone. Like thousands of other parents.

Yes.

Sirzy · 13/05/2025 16:42

It’s no wonder so many work places are wanting to move back to people in the office more!

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 13/05/2025 16:42

Its potentially a parenthood penalty? But the employers are actually being pretty reasonable here.

Personally, at £20k gross I would find a CM who will do school pick up and 3.30-6 childcare for you.

Danikm151 · 13/05/2025 16:41

This isn’t the motherhood penalty.

You could arrange afterschool care as a lot of other parents do. If you are working and caring for a child at the same time you aren’t devoting all your attention to work.

The motherhood penalty would be not getting a promotion because you might need days off to care for a child. not being offered other roles because you had maternity leave. not being offered a job because you are of childbearing age.

You have been offered flexibility- yes that means a lower pay but you will be working less hours.

rainingsnoring · 13/05/2025 16:40

75k to work until 3pm sounds pretty good or you could pay for after school care. It isn't a motherhood penalty, the same would apply to a father.

JoyousEagle · 13/05/2025 16:40

Beamur · 13/05/2025 16:23

I do get this isn't possible everywhere - but let's say for arguments sake, the OP could work the same overall hours, do the same work, not inconvenience anyone (and flexible working isn't restricted to parents only) would you still object?
Whilst if you don't have kids it can seem like parents expect the moon on a stick, most of us are trying to be good at our jobs and still being present for our children and frankly - wider society needs children (future tax payers) so you do still benefit from other people doing the dirty work of procreating 😁😁

I wouldn’t object at all to the business agreeing with OP’s request if it worked for them. I just also don’t think they’re unreasonable to not like it.

Jamandtoastfortea · 13/05/2025 16:39

£75k and you get to finish at 3 and pick up your child? I’d snap their hands off! Otherwise just get a nanny or asc for the last few hours of the day.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 13/05/2025 16:39

Moveoverdarlin · 13/05/2025 16:29

It really isn’t. Millions of parents do this. Look how ‘quiet’ things go between 3pm-4pm when people WFH. My husband is currently WFH upstairs. I’m in an office downstairs. One child is on their iPad in the playroom, the other is searching for snails in the garden. I finish in 33 mins and will start their dinner.

My DH nipped out for 20 mins today and got them, from school at 3.25 but I’ll do it tmrw. It’s not been mentioned by either of our employers in the 4-5 years we’ve been doing it, it’s just not an issue.

It doesn't go quiet at mine! It might be industry dependent - I have a friend who WFH and does pickups (and works well over her contracted hours) and no-one blinks an eyelid, but in my industry, which is fast paced and client focused, it wouldn't wash at all.

OurManyEnds · 13/05/2025 16:39

Wasn’t being touchy @OliverCrumblewellit wasn’t obvious to me that you were being tongue in cheek.

Overthebow · 13/05/2025 16:38

I don’t think it’s a motherhood penalty. Not many employers would be happy with this. Who is looking after your kids once home if you are working? Why can’t the go to after school club or a child minder?

OliverCrumblewell · 13/05/2025 16:37

MidnightPatrol · 13/05/2025 16:31

Not at all uncommon in the South East now.

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In a role where you can't amend working hours to wrap around kids?
Although I do agree with others that this is enough of a salary to actually pay for a childminder (even in the South East).

BotterMon · 13/05/2025 16:36

Just wait until they say you have to be in an office! YABVU OP.

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