To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

This was how I ended up using the private school system, they had an excellent and seamless wraparound care
It was cheaper to pay the £20,000 in school for at least I got something for my money
Then it was to lose the salary in the long term
I was seriously looking for something along those lines

It’s a reasonable expectation that you aren’t looking after children whilst working. I worked with someone that did that and honestly everything after they went for pick up was very unproductive. Their kid would be joining in on the calls and making noise and their mother was clearly distracted. Most employers don’t want to risk that.

20k covers a lot of sessions at after school club or with a childminder.
I can't understand why anyone would think it's ok to just pop out for what is probably more than 30 mins each day during working hours. What do you think everyone else does?

When my DD was in 6th form she collected a little girl from school and walked her home. did homework, played, could do a simple supper and sometimes bath time.

DD loved it and so did the child.

Seems much more economical to do that or if you have room an au pair or even a childminder than take that pay cut!

I am just waiting for the OP to come back and tell us that she lives very rurally and there is no childcare or transport. Somehow they always do.

I am sick and tired of people asking for "flexibility" when what they really mean is do less work for the same pay.

I have had people in my team try and do this and it just doesn't work. They say they will pick up work in the evening but in practice they don't and if they do, they often can't get very far with it because they need the input of people who worked a normal office day. Or they say they can work with their kids at home but again they just can't in practice and their kids are always interrupting meetings/work.

I am happy for my team to have ad hoc flexibility - by all means pop out for a school event and make up the time later - but cheaping out of childcare every day, nope, you can work part time or get some childcare.

Alat the salary band you're in, it's up to you to sort out childcare

Pretty sure they wouldn't be happy with fathers doing this either.

Dh is no longer around

She hasn't actual said how old DD is, so there's every chance DD is capable of occupying herself whilst OP finishes her work day off. Even if not, for the sake of an hour or so, an easy activity - lego, colouring, playing in the garden etc would probably buy OP time to finish off her workday if needed. Either way, if the work is being done, and she's putting the time in, I don't see too much of a reason why it's a problem to do an hour or two of work at home with your children around - most people manage all sorts of things with their kids around!
She's also mentioned that some evening work is required anyway, so presumably she's either got childcare available for that, which may be flexible enough to extend to an hour after school, or the employer is fine with it for the evening work.

Growing up a friend had live in grandmother who looked after her, but couldn't do the school run as she didn't drive - there was a combination of lift sharing which made the arrangement work, but her mum did sometimes have to collect her from school and then go back to work, so there may also be a similar thing here.

Seriously?? Hire a childminder to collect her from school. That’s what I used to do when DS was little and I certainly wasn’t on £95k. HTH.

Take the salary and pay someone to pick her up and drop her home.

It's really not reasonable to expect employers to accommodate school pick up in the middle of the working day. If they do, that's a massive perk.

Can you do after school club or a childminder? Personally I'd not be happy with a 20k drop in salary when you'll likely be working in the evenings anyway

Most employers don't allow workers to do childcare during business hours. What is OP going to do with her DD after she picks her up?

She's not asking to shift her lunch hour, she's asking to both WFH and do parenting on the employer's dime. Kudos to the employer for nipping it in the bud.

Everyone I know who WFH picks up their kids and logs back on. We used to do that too. No one has an issue with it. The work gets done, the children are happy and not stuck in after school clubs (they really don’t need even more hours in school). I would avoid this company. Having said all that, I wouldn’t actually mind a pay cut for part time hours to spend more time with the kids.

Agree

I think you're very lucky to be offered the role with reduced hours.

How old is she?

Hmm...I am on the fence. Granting every different type of flexibility isn't a legal requirement and, until it is, or until your new workplace has demonstrated otherwise, you have to assume they are old fashioned and the old rules still apply. It's completely foolish to do otherwise.

It would be nice (and make many more people able to work, not just mothers) if employers judged on output rather than hours in, and if there was flexibility over where and when hours are worked. However, not many organisations offer such genuine flexibility. You've said you have to do school pick up, they've said that's fine, we can offer you part-time hours. They're not paying you less because you're a woman, you're pregnant or you have a kid. They're paying you part-time because you will be part-time. If you want the full-time salary, work the hours in the way the business requires and arrange for someone else to do pick up. Needs must. (It's dreadful having to write that, as there is still a strong sexism argument that as most caring responsibilities fall to women, it's women who are usually forced into part time work and therefore take the hit to salary, promotion and advancement opportunities, and a decent pension...that's the motherhood penalty in action. No solution for that yet, despite laws that allegedly protect us.)

If you want a particular employer (one that supports mothers back to work, women at work, equal representation and pay etc), and you're lucky enough to be in a position to have the time to scour the planet to find one, then be open about your family and requirements. If you're at a point where you really need/want the job, don't mention you have a family at all. We like to think we've moved past this point, but we haven't.

I haven’t rtft but come on, OP! 75k is a decent salary and if they are flexible enough to allow you to leave early to be with your child, then great. If you want the bigger pay packet, hire someone for those hours.

I am absolutely in favour of flexible working and trusting people to get their jobs done but I think we risk becoming a bit entitled with requests and what ‘working from home’ means! If the role finishes at 6pm then a 3.30 finish means there would be 2 1/2 hours a day you are doing the school run and looking after your kid. That’s 12 1/2 hours across the working week - it’s understandable they don’t really want to pay you for that.

I think YABU to get paid 95k and to expect to be allowed to skip out every afternoon to do school runs/ sort out child afterschool/make tea. Honestly I'd be delighted to get paid 75k to work 9-3.30! What a dream!

I'm sometimes flabbergasted by posters. Maybe this is why they get paid 95k and I don't as they value themselves so highly.

After school club if you want full salary.

I imagine they'd say the same thing to a father.

Do you think they'd agree if it was a Dad asking for this? Or do you think Dad's can't also be single parents?

Mine was ....

Being frank, OP, they've probably found the same thing I have: that people promise to log on again, after the school run, but either they don't or because they are providing childcare their output is poor.

There's plenty out of the 20k extra to pay for childcare and have some change.

that's not what she's asking for, or what's being discussed.
She'd be asking to work 11-7, on the same wage as those who work 9-5. You've missed the bit about working after collecting DD.

If you get a choice over when you take your lunch break, this is an equivalent example of flexible working. Many people I know work through their lunch, and either eat at the desk or don't eat, and take their lunch break mid-afternoon in order to collect their children in it. Those without children also have this option if they want to pop out at 'lunchtime' to shop, or go to the gym, for example. Very doable and flexible in an office type role, and everyone is expected to just manage their own calendar around their meetings and workload.

Yep - which is why I said that if it's the school run she needs help with, she can pay someone to do that for her, or accept that her choice to become a parent (and live rurally) means she has to limit her working hours accordingly.