To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

It’s not their job to arrange work around your childcare. What they want you to do suits the business. If you want more hours/money then you have to sort childcare like millions of others

Is there no after school clubs or childminders you could use? Not every workplace allows flexi time my last work place refused my request partly on the grounds it was a small company and would set a precedent they couldn't accommodate everyone working when suited them which I understood as we took customer calls so can't make the time up later

This would never be a problem for a man. It's sexist and is treating women as if they are the same as men. But we are not and a properly equal society would have work patterns set up for all the unpaid work women do - and women would no longer be doing this double shift, men would too.

Obviously it must be stressful if your children are ill, but picking them up routinely from school can't be unpleasant - they are your loved ones, they have half your genes, so presumably you enjoy their company. If I had the chance of a break from work every afternoon for a 20 minute car ride with my DH or another family member, I would find it quite refreshing.

I'm not in a particularly high paid full time job,
I take half an hour out 3.15-3.45 most days to do school pickup then continue working.

I really appreciate the flexibility but if I'm honest it does impact on my work. It means any calls that start at 2/2.30 I have to clock watch and can't do any that start between 2.30 and 4 basically.

It depends.

Do you get to clock off at the dot at 3.30pm? And no expectation that you will log back in to do extra work? If so, £75k is an unusually high salary for a "school hours" job and I'd say you were quite lucky. Take the extra time with your DD and, when she's older and more independent, up your hours.

Or do they still want you to log back in and be available around your DD, but they don't want to pay you for it? In which case, YANBU.

For £95k couldn’t you arrange childcare?

or use that job to pad your savings for a few months and then secure a new job, whether that’s on higher pay or more flexible terms?

ultimately the dream job doesn’t exist regardless of being a parent or not

And the FREE time we have is because we
made a choice not to have kids. The lack of free time parents have is because they chose it and knew it would be a juggling act but that was preferable over being childless

£95k single income isn’t having a nanny territory.

Says someone who benefits from it. It’s infuriating being on the other side of this. Working in a small team where one or two people are constantly “nipping out” creates so much bad feeling. People with no or adult children get really pissed off at carrying you.

thank you. I have dogs, fully my choice but if I don’t want them home all day I have to pay to put them in doggy day care. I do my level best to book vets appointments for evenings / annual leave. On the few occasions they’ve needed it in work time, I have said I know this is my problem and you’re welcome to say no but I can’t get an appointment this week after work can I make up time and leave early or start late. If they said no I wouldn’t take it against them. Fortunately it’s a very rare occurrence and they’ve always said it’s fine, I put in more than I take so go ahead.

does boil my piss tho the entitlement of some parents

I can't answer without knowing the super special reason why you can't book after school club and who will be looking after her while you work.

YABU

That is a very high wage so you’ll need to be completely focused on work - not half an eye on your child. They have offered you a compromise- if you don’t want to take it then you’ll have to pay for after school club

It is a real pet peeve of mine when childless people make out they’re missing out on something when someone with a kid has to nip out to pick them up, or work from home when their kid has a sickness bug.

There isn’t a secret club where we are all having a laugh with our super fun jobs we have to do as a parent alongside other responsibilities like working.
Its a school run, not leaving early to join in at a fucking Mardi Gras.

Maybe you can sit and seethe about it when you get home from work/at the weekend, with all that ACTUAL free time you have.

Don't be so bitter, you’re not missing out on all the fun, and grow tf up.

EG94 · Today 17:56
yes I 100% agree with you on that one EG. I say that and I have kids myself.

On that kind of salary, they're probably expecting parents have an au pair or nanny available while they're working evenings.

An after school childminder is perfect for this situation, especially for a child who needs to chill after school.
After school Clubs suit the livelier child in my opinion
It's Tax Deductible OP

You don’t know that she’s “disappearing for hours”, you’ve just extrapolated that. If this is standard in her current role then her DC are used to it. Quick trip to school to pick up, back home, snack and TV and start your homework in half an hour, mum back working.

The skill she’s demonstrating is the ability to think outside the box. Something that’s lacking on this thread.

Also, she says evening work is expected. So the organisation knows parents will have children at home
in the evening.

Maybe if you get your foot in the door they might be more flexible once you become more established in the job.

Put her in afterschool club or use a childminder like many other people.

That is a very high salary OP and normally what comes with that is a high dedication to the job. I always advocate for flexible working and know firsthand how hard it is for mothers to negotiate higher salaries and renter the workforce but I do think on this occasion you might be being slightly unreasonable in your expectations with that sort of salary on the table.

Actually as a child free woman it fucks me off when other men and women fuck off at 2.45 to collect their kids and log in from home whilst minding their kids. I’d like to have the opportunity to finish my last few hours at home avoiding traffic etc but don’t because I don’t have kids.

it’s right if you need to finish at 3.30 you aren’t paid. They could have said no role is 9-5 you work it or you don’t have the job. You’ve already been afforded flexibility.

separate but equally irritating, being told as a child free woman I should work Xmas because I have kids and Christmas is for kids!!!

where does the accommodation for choices people make end? You chose to have children and presumably knew you needed to work to afford them.

Everyone seems to be ignoring that the OP is currently doing this - her current employer allows it.

Nobody’s ignoring that. Her current employer isn’t paying her £95k.

On £95K you pay for someone else to do the pick-ups. 🙄

This completely.

There are childcare options that you can use during your core working hours.