To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

I'm a working parent and it would annoy me if another parent was nipping out to do the school run while I was paying for childcare to actually be available during working hours.

Most work places have strict policies on working and childcare and for good reason too. Yes some employers you can maybe work in an evening but for most they expect you to be available during work hours to meet the needs of the business. Nipping out everyday for the school run soon adds up and there's no guarantee that work will get done in am evening.

Yes working is hard and juggling children is difficult. I do it full time. But it's a choice I made before I had kids. I'm certainly not going to begrudge child free people their free time at a weekend or after work because of the choices I made to have children. Likewise expect them to pick up the slack at work if I'm unavailable for set times every day.

Get an after school nanny?

The difference after tax etc is around £1,100 a month. Or around £250ish a week more.

Most after school clubs are around £50-70 a week. Childminders cost a bit more, usually charging around £10 an hour in SE. You would need to go to their house to collect your child.

An after school nanny might be good for you if you want dc brought home to your house. I’m in Kent and they usually charge £15-20 an hour.

with all these options, you’d be better off taking the higher paid full time role.

DH wfh and when dc reached year 6, we stopped the after school childcare as we are close enough to school for them to walk home.

User5274959 · Today 18:10
of course it’s a highly paid job! 🙄

Other parent at the school. To help with pick ups. Not necessarily other parent as in the child's father given we know that's not an option.

Can you send a taxi to collect her instead of doing pick up yourself? If she's too young to travel alone she also probably needs actively looking after when she's home which isn't compatible with working from home.

It’s not 20000 it’s taxed !

After school club or child minder will be cheaper than losing 20000!

What other parent? It clearly says “DH is sadly no longer around to help”

The world has gone mad since Covid. So many entitled people thinking the world revolves around them and their childcare needs. Of course they’re not being unreasonable. If you can’t do the hours, don’t take the job and certainly don’t expect the full money for doing reduced hours whilst you sort out your childcare.

Exactly. The amount of time-wasting that happens in offices is staggering.

I remember hearing a businesswoman on Woman’s Hour, quite a few years ago, saying that she liked working mothers because they were extremely time-efficient because they always needed to leave on time. No fannying about and then staying later to make up the work missed.

It’s not just the pickup though, although having to avoid meetings every day after 3.30 would be a monumental problem where I work. It’s what happens after that. OP claims they go back to work, but presumably there’s childcare, dinner, bath, homework, dealing with issues ect? It’s just not the same as staying in the office until 6.

This. I loathe this victim mentality that so many women have. Pay up like everyone else for childcare or clubs. You’re just another applicant who the company needs a full day from. Nothing special about you that they have decided to penalise you. They require X hours and you can’t do that, they are accommodating YOU and you still complain.

You can't get childcare for secondary school kids and not all of them can get home alone. Plus, once they are home , you can crack on with work.

I work flexibly and luckily I can do this for most of the week.

Unfortunately I don't think you can get much more room for manoeuvre here.

I would try and think long term and think about work life balance/culture/commute. Might still be a good move with an opportunity to go up when your child is older.

And everyone saying it's nothing to do with motherhood are being a bit disingenuous. I have never met a single dad who does what I do as a single mum. It is rare and they get sympathy not scorn.

When I didn't have kids, I had a job where most of my colleagues were women, and 95% of them had young children. It felt really unfair that those of us without kids were not afforded the same flexibility as the parents: being able to leave early to pick up or drop off kids, for school meetings, whenever their kids had a sniffle, got to stay home both for their own sick days as well as their children's, got first dips to choose when they wanted to take their days off...and they were allowed to work from home while the rest of us were stuck in the office. So, no, I think parents are being accomodated enough. For the salary you are looking at, I think your workplace are in their right to demand a little back from you.

Also I have worked a long time …. and people ‘in work’ without kids are not working all day relentlessly in my experience so I don’t think nipping out for pick up is unreasonable x

Do the math.
They are recruiting job of certain hours
You want less hours
They Pay you less.

Sounds like you have “equal” situation where you are … getting flexibility w similar pay,

The “working after” maybe not what they are looking for.

I empathise with your position.
Single parent here too!

Your take home may not be that high after tax as a single parent and no child benefits etc.

I think you have to do the maths and see if it is cheaper to work less or pay childcare and work more.

Also is it worth spending less time with your child/children for the increased salary after tax?

There is a single parent penalty for sure. I mean working from home with some wrap around care is ok. If you have to add on a long commute back late then it’s too much/ childcare becomes difficult and expensive

. Well that’s my position anyway.

Agree with this.
I do pick ups one day a week with agreement and it can be problematic to do it every day in what sounds like a senior role I can see why they not keen
They are paying for your time and attention and have set their boundaries around working with dependent at home if you don't like their rules, which is their right to make, then it's not the company for you

YABVVU! You have the choice of 2 pay scales, one which requires paying some one else for pick up and one where you work PT, not to mention a very generous salary. The majority of working parents I know do not leave to collect children, they have someone do that for them. You were in a very privileged position to be able to do this so far and still have that option if that's what you want.

To be fair, pp doesn't sound like the bitter one.

Having children is a choice. pp likely has more free time than you because she made the choice to be childfree, though children aren't the only things that can possibly take up free time.

Hire a teenager to walk her home if you're working from home. Or pop her into an after school club. Tell them you have childcare now so expect your full salary (£95k) to be paid as per your contract.

Ooft sounds like there's only one bitter person here. You chose to have a child, you chose that responsibility, now deal with it. Would you be okay with me popping out to pick my dog up from daycare, or taking her a walk in the middle of the day? Because I wouldn't be okay with a colleague doing that either. If you're at work (even if WFH) you should be available to work.

Ah, now what to do with my evening? Will I have a glass of wine, or a relaxing bath, or sit and listen to an audiobook? Ah yes, whatever I want 🍷cheers!

It is a real pet peeve of mine when childless people make out they’re missing out on something when someone with a kid has to nip out to pick them up, or work from home when their kid has a sickness bug.

Except that's not what childless people complain about - they complain because a large number of parents seem to think it's acceptable to just leave work to do various child-related jobs when they're not afforded the same flexibility to attend to their responsibilities.

I actually think it’s really flexible of them to offer you a job where you finish in time for pick up, and still get paid more (albeit even if only slightly) than your current job. I think it would probably give a better work life balance and allow you to focus on your daughter after work / school, which will be of huge benefit to her! And when your daughter is older and can get to school herself, you can increase your hours. I would look at the bigger picture here.