AIBU to feel like cancelling this weekend visit after a guy I met abroad has cooled off?

You do know all he's after is a booty call hence him asking for nudes?

With all due respect, you sound incredibly immature to be acting so distraught at the idea that no relationship appears to be forthcoming after a 3 day holiday fling that took place a month ago.

Be glad he was honest and move on.

@isolate34 I don’t understand your question about how this man could join a local cycling group if he lives 4 hours flight away. It’s 2025, not 1985! You, me, anyone in the world can join any club we want to even if it’s 4,10,24 hours flight away. Through websites, facebook groups etc.

I live in London and am a member of a zoom book group in Boston USA and a running group in Berlin (which I participate in when I am there for work). I am also still a member of a conservation volunteer group in a village in Somerset where I no longer live. I carry on donating, contributing to the chat and online meetings and volunteer there 3 times a year, even though I live nearly 4 hours drive away. That kind of thing is normal nowadays,

Just forget about him and find somebody at least in the UK next time!

Exactly. He is kind of covering his own back so he can still walk out of this situation and do a slow fade while not feeling like the Bad Guy, since he was (eventually) somewhat upfront.

Yeah, and next contact might be "I'm really sorry, I actually really do have strong feelings for you, maybe I made a mistake" meaning "It didn't work out for me on Tinder like I hoped"!

I want to add that I'd consider his request for nude photos a possible red flag but not a dealbreaker. You've already slept together so it's totally feasible that he just wants a souvenir of the great event while you're apart. It doesn't necessarily mean anything worse than that. I would not send him any, though. You really don't know him very well at all, in spite of having a huge spark with him, so a lot about him is just still a huge question mark at this point. And of course we do often hear of someone trusting too much only to later find their nude photos splashed all over the internet.

I genuinely don’t think he’s a love scammer.

I think he got caught up in the moment and is now realising he’d have to change his entire life, for someone he met for 3 days.
Any of us would get cold feet.

If you were the one who said you’d move to his country for someone you knew for 3 days, you too would have cold feet.

He could have easily just blocked you or told you it’s not working out.
It’s annoying that you had to get it out of him but it’s also good that he was really honest about how he felt.

I personally would want to meet up with him.
I think you would regret it if you don’t.

So I would say to him that you are up for still meeting but if he wants to cancel then that’s fair enough - which will make your decision for you.
If you do meet then see it as your chance to see how you feel about him - either way at least you will know.

@Darkgreendarkbark Yeah that might have been the more honest version of the apology which is stuck in drafts 😂

It's a holiday fling...not a movie.
Do you always over invest in relationships this early on?
It sounds like it was nice at the time but then reality hit and he clicked and regrets making any verbal commitments to you

Yup, I agree. And I'm afraid his final "Like I said I’d still like to see you but if you don’t want to see me I understand that" when preceded by all the honesty in the previous paragraph is really him saying we can have a "fun" 😉 weekend and then you won't be able to give me a hard time because I warned you it wasn't serious.

@Sugarloading I will say that at least he is taking some accountability. I don’t think I’ve ever had a man properly acknowledge or apologise for doing the whole coming on strong, making future plans and then backtracking thing! They usually just try and step back while pretending nothings changed 🙄😂

Haha, I've had it. But it was like this guy, the "sorry I led you on, you need all this commitment that I can't give" type flannel, not "sorry I started this whole thing and escalated it up to 60mph, then freaked out at my own wild imaginings and went off to Tinder to relieve the internal pressure, pointlessly ruining something which could have been a mutual pleasure"

You’re fine, OP.

You don’t need to reply to every post and every poster, especially when they’re asking things that you’ve already answered.

He asked for nudes. Scratch my previous post.

he can fuck right off. Throw this one back in the sea. 🤮

This made me think of that quote “when someone shows/tells you who they are believe him” . His texts are pretty clear, I doubt the spark (or the desire to relocate) will come back - and this early in your relationship that’s an issue. So maybe you should take what he says at face value and accept it likely won’t go anyway and make your decision based on that understanding . I kind of feel he is warning you about himself and you should listen.

That’s totally fair. I knew I had to bring it up at some point and it’s rude of me to have you strung along for me to be half hearted about it. Not to mention you deserve someone to be head over heels for you ALL the time. I apologise for doing this to you. I want to take accountability and say I rushed into it too quick and I feel like that’s given me cold feet when it really becomes serious like thinking about moving across the country. It’s one thing to say it but another thing to do it, and I failed you.
Like I said I’d still like to see you but if you don’t want to see me I understand that.

I will say that at least he is taking some accountability. I don’t think I’ve ever had a man properly acknowledge or apologise for doing the whole coming on strong, making future plans and then backtracking thing! They usually just try and step back while pretending nothings changed 🙄😂

Flings really aren't a great way into a relationship, @LemonWriter. If you want more from the man it's best to slow down and expect more right from the start. Speaking generally, of course. There are exceptions.

Might not be what you want to hear, but it'll likely save you a lot of heartache in the long run.

Fine if you want to have flings, but it seems like you want more.

Never bother with anyone lukewarm.

I think what's going on here is that you're both coming back down to planet Earth after an exhilarating new high together. That's bound to be a bit jarring.

Of course you can't possibly know if it's going to work for the long term after only three days and some phone conversations. You cannot. I think you both just got a bit carried away with the pillow talk. What's going on now is an adjustment from "new love high" to the reality of the situation.

At this point, I'd consider if there's any reason it's a definite "no" for the long term. It seems that's not the case, that you two could be together for the long term if you ever decided to be. Okay, so then why not go ahead with a second meeting?

But remember, all it is and all it can possibly be is a second long visit with someone you have a spark with but still don't know very well.

And just like with every other brand new relationship, of course there is a high likelihood that it won't make it all the way to the altar. There's no way around that possibility with someone new, whether he's long distance or right next door.

But if you like him and don't see any reason it can't possibly work out, why not see where it leads? :)

OMG - I take back my "nice bloke" comment! 😱 Definitely cancel! 😠

After 3 days?!

I've had leftovers in my fridge for longer.

This has all been answered

I was going to say give him a chance and just enjoy the weekend, it could turn out to be more than a holiday romance but then you said he asked for nudes..he's not the one.