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Original poster

5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

434 replies

LoveFridaynight · 13/05/2025 08:52

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

OP posts:
SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 13/05/2025 13:28

mindutopia · 13/05/2025 13:24

It’s mind boggling that grown women don’t feel safe with biological males using the same bathroom as them. 🙄 But a young child should feel perfectly safe going and using a bathroom alone with strange men.

My son is 7, but he’ll be coming into the ladies with me until we both feel safe for him to go into the men’s alone.

Edited

Mind boggling that a mother of boy(s) can’t imagine that a 10yo girl starting puberty won’t be comfortable with an 8+ boy there.

As a grown woman, of course I don’t care about an 8-9-10 yo boy there, but this is not just about grown women.

Bigcat25 · 13/05/2025 13:26

Just ignore her.

SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 13/05/2025 13:26

YosemiteTrail24 · 13/05/2025 13:23

Last time I checked there isn't anything that legally stops you taking a 9 year old in so its whatever the mother finds acceptable for her child.

Show quote history

Lots of things are legal but antisocial and/or not accepted in our society.
Why are you so opposed to disabled children using the disabled facilities when they can’t access the designated one because of their disability? This is not illegal either?

Breadwinner666 · 13/05/2025 13:25

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mindutopia · 13/05/2025 13:24

It’s mind boggling that grown women don’t feel safe with biological males using the same bathroom as them. 🙄 But a young child should feel perfectly safe going and using a bathroom alone with strange men.

My son is 7, but he’ll be coming into the ladies with me until we both feel safe for him to go into the men’s alone.

Breadwinner666 · 13/05/2025 13:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

aster10 · 13/05/2025 13:24

DrPrunesqualer · 13/05/2025 12:18

A 5 year old can’t be expected to go into the mens on their own
If you ( or they ) feel uncomfortable sending your male child ( when they are older) into the mens on their own you should use
communal facilities
ie accessible toilets
ie family toilets

They are there to facilitate anyone that needs them. They are enclosed

before anyone comes back with ‘no they are for disabled people only’. No. They are Not now and Never have been. They are accessible only and for all who need them for whatever reason.

These accessible toilets, are these the ones that are typically marked with the wheelchair sign? Or do you need to look for a different sign? I let my boy and girl twins change quickly for their lesson in our leisure centre in these types of toilets, but I feel guilty towards the disabled people, although there has never been a problem (we occupy it once a week for 5 minutes, and there are two of them).

YosemiteTrail24 · 13/05/2025 13:23

SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 13/05/2025 13:18

… as long as he is under 8.
If he is older but can’t use the men space because of a disability then he can use the disabled space.

Show quote history

Last time I checked there isn't anything that legally stops you taking a 9 year old in so its whatever the mother finds acceptable for her child.

Breadwinner666 · 13/05/2025 13:21

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Topohthemornin · 13/05/2025 13:20

@PoppyFleur no in that instance it’s fair enough, just having worked with parents of disabled kids, it’s not uncommon for them to not notice the child’s development means a different approach as that child gets older, society often prefers to view those with disabilities ,particularly where learning disabilities are involved, as asexual which is not the case for many people.

Breadwinner666 · 13/05/2025 13:19

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Clearinguptheclutter · 13/05/2025 13:18

ignore her

i can't remember really thinking about it but my sons probably started going into the men’s by themselves when 6/7 ish. But I think a bit older is ok. I’d raise my eyebrows if I saw a clearly secondary aged child.

SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 13/05/2025 13:18

YosemiteTrail24 · 13/05/2025 13:14

disabled toilets are for disabled people. There is nothing wrong with a child accompanying their mother in the toilets.

Show quote history

… as long as he is under 8.
If he is older but can’t use the men space because of a disability then he can use the disabled space.

CalleOcho · 13/05/2025 13:17

A woman in there said he should use the men's.

I would have politely told her to “fuck off”.

SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 13/05/2025 13:16

@Needspaceforlego I even think just turned 8 is quite young to be responsible for getting themselves sorted completely independently

It is not about him, it is about the 8-10-11yo girl who has started puberty and has a right not to have an 8+ boy in her space.

Needspaceforlego · 13/05/2025 13:14

@LoveFridaynight
I've just clocked you've said NEARLY 5, so really he's 4, WTAF!

Tell the silly bint to keep her nose out!

YosemiteTrail24 · 13/05/2025 13:14

Yellowbluemonday · 13/05/2025 13:13

Take him to the disabled loo if you are worried about creeps

Show quote history

disabled toilets are for disabled people. There is nothing wrong with a child accompanying their mother in the toilets.

rainingsnoring · 13/05/2025 13:13

Of course YANBU. A 5 yr old shouldn't be using men's public toilets alone.

DaringlyDizzy · 13/05/2025 13:13

Depends on the child. Mine is 6 and I wouldnt send him to the mens alone!! He isnt far off though, so 7, maybe 8?

Yellowbluemonday · 13/05/2025 13:13

LoveFridaynight · 13/05/2025 08:52

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

Take him to the disabled loo if you are worried about creeps

Needspaceforlego · 13/05/2025 13:12

GRex · 13/05/2025 12:41

Personally I do find swimming pool ages anachronistic. I mean, it is a bit mad to expect just turned 7 to wash and dry themselves effectively, as well as necessarily being alone and naked... but to think they shouldn't be going into a public toilet alone for a quick wee, a task that they do multiple times a day on their own anyway. I know I'm sensitive because it's my child's age, but DS barely rinses half the soap out of his hair, he needs prompting, but he won't be ready to fly solo until 8 at this rate... and after swim lessons I see all the girls his age being helped too!

Totally agree.
I even think just turned 8 is quite young to be responsible for getting themselves sorted completely independently.

And kids mature differently some 8yos will be fine others particularly with a friend will lark around.

Even in my local gym the disabled changing rooms are off the main changing rooms, ie you go into the ladies changing, then into the disabled. And I assume the men's is the same.

Hence I really wouldn't bat an eyelid about.a child under the age of about 10. But beyond that is seriously pushing it.

The person with the 13yo really needs to find an alternative solution.

scorpiogirly · 13/05/2025 13:10

LoveWine123 · 13/05/2025 08:56

No way would I let my 5 year old son go in the men’s toilet on his own. Ignore the woman.

This. Ridiculous woman.

Snugglemonkey · 13/05/2025 13:10

Kreepture · 13/05/2025 09:35

8/9 is fine, older if they're disabled and need support. My DS is significantly affected by autism, so came in with me until he was 12, he was clearly disabled, but not willing to have me in the cubicle with me, so i'd sit outside and talk to him.

As a wheelchair user If they're perfectly able bodied, and don't need help to pee, or supervision, the disabled toilet is not an acceptable alternative.

Accessible toilets are not just for wheelchair users.

YosemiteTrail24 · 13/05/2025 13:09

Id pay no attention to the women, hes 5!

I have a 11 year old disabled boy, I go in the disabled toilets if there is one but if its only me and I cant use the disabled then I take him in the ladies with me.

He cant be left on his own and If I need the toilet then I need the toilet so its tough.

BelfastBard · 13/05/2025 13:08

I have absolutely no reservations about a 5 year old boy being in the women’s toilets. Essentially because I absolutely will not allow a boy that small and defenceless to enter any space where adult males have their penises out without me. I think the risk to a small boy in the male toilets unsupervised is equal to that of an adult male entering the women’s toilets personally…