5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

7-8 I thibk with my boys. People need to mind their business though. Ignore this one Pearl clutcher.

My youngest is 7 in the Summer, no way would I let him go on his own.

8 was the cut off at our gym and assumed the same for public toilets. It’s not like people parade around naked in a public loo.
But for your convenience and your sons and simply gut more space use the disabled toilets - this is what they are there for.

“dignity and privacy” 🙄. Oh sorry I forgot the “respect”.

There are countries like Saudi Arabia where they have such things as “Public Decency Law” - sounds like your values would be suited to such a regime.
Im personally more worried that disabled, vulnerable children have a safe and suitable place to get changed, regardless of their gender and of heteronormative prudery , and would appreciate a society that places the balance there.

Where was his Mum?

Absolutely.
I'm sure the vast majority of older boys (8+) are not a threat or rude to girls. I'm sure the vast majority of men in men's toilets are also not a threat to any boys going in there.

It's not about being a threat, it's about dignity, privacy, respect. As someone who was assaulted in toilets by a boy of the same age, when I was about 11, maybe I'm extra sensitive about this, but I do think it's important.

Lol, that woman was utterly ridiculous. There is zero chance I'm letting my (very sensible and switched on) 5 year old boy in the male toilet on his own

It’s a tricky balancing act. In my opinion a vulnerable boy over 8 who needs help should use the accessible toilets. It’s not intolerant or “fanatic” to expect privacy and dignity for girls.

5 is fine. 8 is too old. If your child has a disability, why didn’t you use the disabled space

For as long as they need to be supervised by a parent really, so I wouldn’t take too much notice up until age of ten if they were with their mum. Most would mostly choose to go to the men’s before then anyway. Most certainly 5yo is too young to be going into a men’s toilet without an adult.

7 is quite young. In my leisure centre it’s 8 which I think is reasonable. 7 year olds are still young children. i don't know why anyone would feel the need to complain to management about a 7 year old child.

I hear you. But no kid is going to make jokes about tampax infront of their mum.
You did what's right for your child and at the end of the day that's what matters.

Like many things in childhood I find the idea that all kids are ready for the same things overnight on their birthday a bit daft.
Children mature at different rates.
Children are exposed to different experiences.

@Needspaceforlego

Yes, but - just because my child isn’t an issue doesn’t mean ALL 11 year old boys aren’t. I can think of some tweens of our acquaintance who openly stare at women in ways which make them uncomfortable, or who would use the opportunity simply to cause mischief ( noisy “jokes” about Tampax etc).

I can’t expect one rule for my kid and another rule for everyone else.

Yes its okay. Ignore her!

It is ok. It is very ok.
You dont have to sacrifice your vulnerable child on the alter of this intolerance/ fanaticism, and no one should make you feel like you do.

@Neverforgetwhothisisfor
Nobody with any sense would see a just turned 11 yo as a threat.
In busy places like airports and football stadiums I'll bet the majority of 11 yo girls are accompanied with Mum, but there is also an element of the Ladies is less threatening than the Gents.

The 11yo is medium height, to be fair, but very slight. He doesn’t have a lot of physical confidence and he isn’t at senior school yet. His father has been almost completely absent his whole life and he is an only child so he never has someone to accompany him into the gents (eg at football stadia where it’s always a madhouse) and show him what to do - eg how/where to lurk if there are no free cubicles.

There have also been incidents when he has had “accidents” of various kinds and I’ve had to shut myself into a cubicle with him in an airport or service station ladies loo to help him clean up. Yes, we could use a disabled toilet but then anyone disabled would be stuck outside waiting for ages with nowhere to go.

I know it’s no excuse - I am 100% in favour of single sex facilities and I should have stopped him from coming in with me earlier. Just because I know he’s no threat to anyone and has zero interest (so far) in what other women are doing, doesn’t mean that it’s OK.

I gave the residentials as an example of independence and not needing their mum to accompany them into a toilet. Tbh at 7 would expect a child to be going into a toilet themselves, my girls did if they were out with just their Dad, my 8 year old would be mortified at thought of going into a boys toilet with her Dad.

Not sure what being tiny has to do with a child's ability to go to the toilet, unless they are too small to access a standard size toilet?

That really is rubbish. Girls are usually expected to “budge up”to accommodate boys. Particularly when we’re talking about public loos- why should girls have to share space with boys older than 7/8? The privacy and dignity of girls should take priority over the paranoia of the mothers of boys.

She said he was just turned 11, some 11yo boys are tiny, and I can totally see why they'd be intimidated going somewhere alone.

I wouldn't consider going away on residentials a particular sign of being grown up. Beaver scouts and Rainbow guides do overnights and they are about 6.

Yes, DS also prefers to come out to wait if there is no free cubicle. He will use a low urinal, but some are too high for safe use without risking spillage.

This was not a reply to the original post, but one where someone said their 11 year old came into ladies toilets with them. 11 year old is not a little kid, it's secondary age and getting bus etc to school on their own, going out with their mates without parents, going away on residentials etc.

He was a little kid, possibly intimidated going into toilets alone. And if there's not an obvious que i can see why he wouldn't want to be hanging around waiting on a cubicle.

Absolutely this. There is an increase in changing places toilets, but still nowhere near enough. I guess because they are so expensive to build, but not having them makes lives so much harder for those with complex disabilities

There are cubicles in all male loos, so I think he would always be able to find one? He may have to wait for one.