Page 2 | 5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

LoveFridaynight · 2025-05-13T07:52:53+00:00

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet? I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child? Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy. I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though. But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own. What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

Bowies · 15/05/2025 18:14

LoveFridaynight · 15/05/2025 16:46

But they are in a cubicle so it's not like the boy is going to see any more than he would if she was just walking around. That's why I was so shocked that the woman had a go at me.
Changing rooms are different obviously.

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Another 4 or 5 year old DC is not going to think a damn thing about DS.

Ignore the stupid comments OP.

Needspaceforlego · 15/05/2025 18:02

LoveFridaynight · 13/05/2025 18:07

Thanks for the replies. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it and wouldn't send him in to the men's alone anyway.
I was just curious about what others thought was acceptable. I didn't engage with the woman at all. Just carried on in to the cubicle but afterwards I thought maybe using the disabled cubicle would have been the best option

Did I read he was still in nappies?
Then yes I think you should use the disabled if only because it gives you more room to get him changed. And they are more likely to have a suitable bin.

But that's only to make it easier and more convenient for you, not because he's too big for the ladies.

stichguru · 15/05/2025 16:55

Up to 8 is definately fine. Later I say it's preferable to start using the disabled one if they can't go alone.

Original poster

LoveFridaynight · 15/05/2025 16:46

CurlewKate · 15/05/2025 14:55

Whatever similar aged girls might think?

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But they are in a cubicle so it's not like the boy is going to see any more than he would if she was just walking around. That's why I was so shocked that the woman had a go at me.
Changing rooms are different obviously.

OP posts:

Teasloth · 15/05/2025 16:38

I'd have said about 8 but then a few years ago a 13 year old boy was raped in the middle of the day in a tourist area near me in the men's toilets.
I know that's not common at all but my son started about age 9/10 but I stood outside the main doorway and waited for him to come out before I went I to ladies on my own

Personally I wouldn't bat and eyelid at anyone under age 12/13 or so

Bushmillsbabe · 15/05/2025 15:19

CurlewKate · 15/05/2025 14:55

Whatever similar aged girls might think?

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Exactly! My daughter will be nearly 12 when she leaves primary, as of course will be some of the boys, by that point majority of girls will be wearing bras, have started their periods and need privacy.

The cut off should be puberty, which for girls can start from 9. So max end of year 3, for either gender going into opposite changing room. Year 2 swim lessons they changed in their classes boys and girls mixed. Year 4 swim lessons all girls together and all boys together, which clearly shows that by year 4 (8-9) they need to have their own seperate space.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 15/05/2025 15:02

Would it not depend on the behaviour/character of the child?
5 is absolutely too young to be left alone to use a male toilet by himself. Makes me feel sick in my throat if I'm honest.

I wouldn't care if there was a 10 year old boy in the facility so long as he wasn't being a shit (obvs MH aside).

My son is newly 11 and walked into a female toilet last week which luckily wasn't busy but I said to him, son you can't really just walk into the ladies toilet anymore. He's harmless

But I hate him using the mens alone.
He's ND (sexually aware younger) and has also been exposed (literally) to SA via online grooming and I hate it when he goes to the toilet when we're out.

CurlewKate · 15/05/2025 14:55

wildfellhall · 15/05/2025 13:05

I think primary school age is fine for boys in the ladies. If they look childlike it’s fine IMO

Whatever similar aged girls might think?

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 15/05/2025 14:55

Scrimblescromble · 14/05/2025 20:38

I’m horrified at the thought of sending a boy under 11 into the men’s alone tbh. I remember in the 80s there was a public toilet in our local park where a middle aged man hung around outside. He would follow unaccompanied boys in. My mum reported him to the police and at neighbourhood watch meetings many times but it was the 80s so not much happened. I shudder still at the memory. Surely the risk is far higher sending them into the men’s alone than any risk they pose by going into the ladies with a parent

Not much would happen these days either tbh. The police are hideous with these sort of crimes.

Anxioustealady · 15/05/2025 14:42

TaterTots68 · 14/05/2025 18:10

I am a support worker for young people with learning disabilities and I have taken young men in their 20s into the ladies if the disabled toilet was unavailable/they refused to use it. Much easier than me having to go in the gent's to wait for them. They are far too vulnerable to send in by themselves. Your child, your choice.

I think it makes more sense for you to go into the men's than for a man in his 20s to be in the female toilets

wildfellhall · 15/05/2025 13:05

I think primary school age is fine for boys in the ladies. If they look childlike it’s fine IMO

GRex · 15/05/2025 13:00

pollymere · 15/05/2025 12:19

Erm... The Equality Act, The Care Act...oh and the AUTISM Act 2009 would point out that not recognising Autism as a disability is illegal for Companies, Charities, Educational Settings and Medical Institutions...

It's really devastating that both neuro-typical and neurodiverse people don't understand this. When people start to realise that someone with ASD has the same rights as someone in a wheelchair to things like Reasonable Adjustments and equal access to Goods and Services, I think the world will start realising they need to treat people with ASD properly. The Autism Act is from the first decade of this century. We're in the third one. Yet people act like we're still living in the last century.

I hope your comment was merely due to not reading the OP properly...

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Way to over-react! I had missed OP said that, which is why there was a question mark to check "right?". It's page 16 and there had been many contributions from a wide range of people, because OP isn't actually the only person taking her child to the toilet. Clarifying "No he is disabled because he's Autistic" is all that was required.

pollymere · 15/05/2025 12:19

GRex · 13/05/2025 18:17

Neither of you are disabled though, right? So use the main toilets. In single toilet places you can start sending him on his own so he gets used to it, and build up over a year or two.

Erm... The Equality Act, The Care Act...oh and the AUTISM Act 2009 would point out that not recognising Autism as a disability is illegal for Companies, Charities, Educational Settings and Medical Institutions...

It's really devastating that both neuro-typical and neurodiverse people don't understand this. When people start to realise that someone with ASD has the same rights as someone in a wheelchair to things like Reasonable Adjustments and equal access to Goods and Services, I think the world will start realising they need to treat people with ASD properly. The Autism Act is from the first decade of this century. We're in the third one. Yet people act like we're still living in the last century.

I hope your comment was merely due to not reading the OP properly...

pollymere · 15/05/2025 12:09

Y4/5 is when students seem to care about changing separately etc. I wouldn't have an issue taking any child under 8/9 into the Ladies.

I would recommend getting a Radar Key. You can just buy one online or in a shop selling Accessibility stuff. It means you'll have access to Changing Rooms as your child gets bigger making it easier and cleaner to change nappies. People with ASD sometimes don't get the warning signals they need to pee so it's also useful once you're out of nappies too and you don't have to queue etc.

LouiseK93 · 15/05/2025 07:09

Fuck off! (Not aimed at you OP)...he's a 5 year old little boy of course he should be with you in the ladies. It wouldn't be acceptable being an adult female taking him into the mens.

Hufflemuff · 15/05/2025 00:24

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 15/05/2025 00:12

At 10 there's no way either of mine would have wanted to go in the ladies with me, so I'm surprised yours would.
You have to let them grow up sometimes.
When they first started going in by themselves I'd stand outside the mens shouting through "you alright in there?" just so everyone knows I'm stood outside so don't mess with me lol

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I do the same! I said I want him to come in with me; I didn't say that he does that 😂I get the eyeroll and moaning!

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 15/05/2025 00:12

Hufflemuff · 14/05/2025 23:53

My DS is 10 and I still want him to use the ladies with me! Often we both go in the disabled toilets if we both need a quick wee! I hate the idea of the mens. Too much can go wrong!

At 10 there's no way either of mine would have wanted to go in the ladies with me, so I'm surprised yours would.
You have to let them grow up sometimes.
When they first started going in by themselves I'd stand outside the mens shouting through "you alright in there?" just so everyone knows I'm stood outside so don't mess with me lol

Hufflemuff · 14/05/2025 23:53

My DS is 10 and I still want him to use the ladies with me! Often we both go in the disabled toilets if we both need a quick wee! I hate the idea of the mens. Too much can go wrong!

TurquoiseDress · 14/05/2025 23:42

5 year old…yes ladies toilet is ok!

Wooky073 · 14/05/2025 23:36

Ignore the person. I took my son into changing rooms and toilets until around the age of 8 or 9 by which point he was starting to feel embarrassed in there anyway. If your child has additional needs you could get the Access card and a radar key for using the disabled toilets.

keffie12 · 14/05/2025 22:14

My grandson is coming up 8 and he still comes in the ladies with me and will be until senior school or his dad my son says otherwise

TiredAH · 14/05/2025 22:13

A 5y old alone in the male’s toilet? Nah
My 4 year old comes with me most of the times…he says that “manS toilets are bisgusting”
He’ll keep coming with me and that old witch can mind her own business.

AnaisVB · 14/05/2025 22:13

No way would I let a five year old in the men’s toilets alone is she joking?
I have two boys who are 10 and 16 now and I still take my 10 year old with me - IF there is no option like a disabled / family toilet. I have often asked women or checked if there are girls alone etc and am just mindful and I would always be with him.
Girls toilets have cubicles and it’s much easier to navigate privacy ( for both parties) but I would always ‘read the room’ .

Shotokan101 · 14/05/2025 21:53

Tell anyone who objects to piss off! Cheeky mare.....

Bowies · 14/05/2025 21:50

I agree with you, her opinion is unhinged as well as unwelcome