5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

I think it does raise a question about why females are always expected to accommodate males in the women’s toilets (whether because they’re under ten, or disabled, etc).

Men bring their little girls into the women’s toilets. That makes sense in a way, since they will eventually use the women’s facilities on their own.

But the same principle doesn’t work in reverse. Everyone and their dog takes their sons into the women’s facilities. So men don’t have to tolerate with the presence of females in their toilets but women always have to accommodate males. And this thread alone shows the discrepancy of thinking around what age and stage should be a cut off.

Around 8 they tend to want to go to the men’s anyway. It seems innate in them to know when it’s time and right for them.

Under 8’s has always been the guidance

My friend is exactly the same with her 13 year old son, he is also autistic but more then capable of going into the men’s.

I stopped swimming with her but I won’t go anywhere with her now if she brings her son because he follows her into the ladies toilets and it’s caused arguments and comments on multiple occasions, he’s a big lad who looks much older.

I refuse to back her up and don’t agree with her encouraging him, he goes to the men’s at school and when he stays with his dad and he’s fine, my friend doesn’t see that she’s upsetting multiple women and girls for the sake of her son, our friendship has almost ended over this.

I think this is where some “gender neutral” (ridiculous phrase) spaces would be beneficial, it would be very helpful for disabled adults needing help with changing and personal care or who need to have a support worker of the opposite sex entering single sex facilities.

I’m sorry, but 13 is too old. Your friend needs to start discussions with the pool about how they accommodate all disabled or vulnerable people, adults or children, who need support with changing.

Is he tall for his age so she might have thought he was older?
In any case, 5 year olds absolutely should go in the toilet of the parent they are with. 8 is a reasonable cut off with a little leeway for development differences.
But you are completely justified in using the disabled facilities in your situation if you'd prefer that, especially as he gets older.

Tell her to go use the Cheeky Bitch toilets.

I’ll take ‘Things That Never Happened’ for 500…

A 5 year old needs supervision, absolutely fine in the womens changing rooms.

This. Well said.

Not Tescos, it was about the TERF refering to your 7 month pregnant neighbour in the loo and better not be male comment.
Which of course, never happened did it ?

Yup.

She would never darken Tesco’s door.

Your LITTLE boy comes first before some grown arsed woman. I would have argued back that he’s 5 years thank you very much. You’re more of a threat to him than he is to you. 🖕🏻

I took my 7 year old son into the ladies the other day and no one said anything. No way I'd send a 5 year old into the men's.

8 seems fine, however I wouldn't rule out using the disabled - your DS has SN after all!

It’s okay. I probably should have included a massive in the original post.

Or maybe it was the reference to Tesco. I knew I was taking a risk referencing any store other than Waitrose, M&S or Boden on here.

A 5yo is fine in the ladies, as they are obviously too young to go to the gents solo. 8 years old is the normal cutoff, though if a child has developed enough awareness of sex differences at 6 or 7 to start sniggering and making women feel uncomfortable, or if an 8 or 9 year old is development-delayed and not yet able to cope alone, I would use a unisex single-occupancy accessible loo with them for this fuzzy-overlap time.

Sure, Jan.

Edit: didn't realise it was a joke; still don't get it.

Things that never happened...

Generally about 8. I found mine were more confident to go into the men's around then. They had the benefit of being a pair of brothers so could go together, but DS1 is autistic affecting his social confidence and would have struggled more without a same-sex sibling.

We found swimming more awkward. DS1 is dyspraxic too, so he wasn't ready to change alone in a unisex cubicle or communal male by the time he had to stop using the communal female changing.
For a year or so we used the disabled changing as logistically we could only use the two family size cubicles and with 40 children coming out of lessons at the same time, he was regularly getting frozen waiting for prolonged periods because we couldn't get in to them or practically use the communal female, male or individual provision. When he was able to change independently, we stopped using the disabled and he started using the individual cubicles.

One time, I had to go in to the men's toilets at a campsite (fortunately only occupied by a female cleaner, I did check!) because DS2 then aged 6 had a surprise poo and was struggling to manage by himself.

5 is unquestionably (by sane people at least) plenty young enough to go in with the sex of their parent. 5 year olds can still need some occasional help anyway.

With autism and continence issues in the mix, using the disabled facilities is a reasonable option and may work better in some circumstances. That might be a temporary, case-by-case or long term option to consider.

Being thick here, I don't understand this.

He is a child unable to manage changing his nappy himself so of course he should be with you in the ladies loos.

SEN or not, not a chance I would send a 5yo into the loos alone. Completely ignore that lady.

Of course it is ok.
Just ignore this silly woman’s comment.
At this age they still need assistance.

This is getting insane. What's the 5 year old going to do to a woman?
For goodness sake.

I'd take my 5 year old into the 'wrong' toilet. At 8 I'd use my judgement.

However with 3 at 5 or under + a pram we'd often all go into the disabled.

I think the woman who called you out is lacking in understanding/empathy/common sense.