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Original poster

5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

434 replies

LoveFridaynight · 13/05/2025 08:52

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · 13/05/2025 11:08

@BobbyBiscuits -

I think it does depend on circumstances. I was in a ladies’ loo when a mum brought in her teenage son - he definitely had learning difficulties, and I think we just felt sorry for her rather than feeling it was inappropriate.

Ems1992 · 13/05/2025 11:07

How strange that she felt a 5 year old boy was a threat to her. That says more about her than you! Of course it’s acceptable to take a 5 year old in the womens.

GlidingSquirrels · 13/05/2025 11:04

Butchyrestingface · 13/05/2025 09:14

I wouldn’t have any objection to this either. But I do wonder why a woman wouldn’t take her teenage son into the men’s in this instance.

Men take their daughters into the women’s facilities.

Is it ‘cos then men’s toilets are a piss-infested nightmare?

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Toilets are separated by sex, then a minor needing assistance goes with the adult into the adults correct toilet. Have never seen a man taking a daughter into the women's, and I doubt men would want a grown woman waltzing past the urinals.

BobbyBiscuits · 13/05/2025 11:03

purpleme12 · 13/05/2025 09:01

I would think 5 years old is ok
Does he look older than he is maybe?

My mate's just turned 13 year old boy still goes in the lad women's changing rooms at swimming (in his own cubicle) as he doesn't feel comfortable in the men's on his own yet. He's (high functioning) autistic -if that makes any difference - but I often think about discussions on here about it

I wouldn't be that comfortable sharing with a thirteen year old boy personally.

Topohthemornin · 13/05/2025 10:59

@LoveFridaynight the rules for schools say that separate single sex toilet facilities must be provided from age 8 so this is why age 8 is most commonly seen as the norm in other facilities . For those taking 10 year old boys into female changing rooms, please stop, really age inappropriate

Needspaceforlego · 13/05/2025 10:57

Is the 5yo really tall and looks much older than they are?

But really I'd ignore the woman. I think up to about 10 is absolutely fine.
Some places I'd be more comfortable with my 8yo going into the men's alone than in others.

EleanorMc67 · 13/05/2025 10:53

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 13/05/2025 09:18

This is getting insane. What's the 5 year old going to do to a woman?
For goodness sake.

It got insane a long time ago ...

AngelinaFibres · 13/05/2025 10:53

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dollyblue01 · 13/05/2025 10:51

I’d have told her to get lost, no way would I have let my son go into any toilet on his own at that age.

toolate2 · 13/05/2025 10:49

Sexual predators also prey on young boys. Male toilets are too easy for that to happen, continue protecting your son, abuse will affect them for years to come and you have a right to do what you can to avoid that happening.

TheGoogleMum · 13/05/2025 10:49

Zebedee999 · 13/05/2025 10:23

It depends on the child's abilities / common sense and the location. Some locations even an adult doesn't like going in alone! There is no right answer... it's up to the parent.

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Ah my meaning was misunderstood here, I meant the 5 yr old boy in the ladies is fine with me as 5 is young to go alone in the men's

Devilmentpleassure · 13/05/2025 10:46

I would never let a five year old go into public toilets on their own.

ScoobyBooby · 13/05/2025 10:45

I take my nearly 6 year old into the female toilets with me . There’s no way I’d allow him into the gents on his own .

Escapingagain · 13/05/2025 10:44

I think it’s worse for a young boy to be going into the men’s alone, with urinals etc. In the women’s there is nothing to see everyone is in a cubicle. Primary school age is fine to be in the women’s in my opinion,

bluesinthenight · 13/05/2025 10:39

She sounds a bit nuts.

GRex · 13/05/2025 10:39

JasmineAllen · 13/05/2025 10:26

OP you are either making this up on the back of the ludicrous example set by RMW yesterday on the radio, or the woman in question is an absolute nutter.

As I posted, I had exactly the same lunacy with my then-6yo, so I'm quite sure it's true. In my case I don't know if it was cultural differences, lunacy or looking for a row. Probably a mix of all 3.

DisforDarkChocolate · 13/05/2025 10:36

Five is totally fine, I think about 8 is normal depending on individual needs.

RaspberryCombat · 13/05/2025 10:30

YANBU at all but also I think it’s fine to use the disabled toilet. The reason your 5yo needs changing is due to his disability; the disabled loo is for him.

PrayMoreWorryLess · 13/05/2025 10:27

I'm angry on your behalf, I'd have made sure I let her know my opinion on her opinion.

unicornglittersprinkles · 13/05/2025 10:26

I have an 8 year old DS. He now goes into most mens toilets by himself (restaurants, attractions, swimming changing rooms, etc.) but there are still some situations where I wouldn't feel comfortable e.g. busy city centre public toilets - what happens if he comes out before I come out of the ladies? In some places I'd not feel comfortable him standing alone in a public place, he's still a small child!
Personally I have no issue whatsoever with a primary school aged boy in the ladies. They're still young children and there's nothing to see as all toilets are cubicles. It's more of an issue when DH takes DD out as mens toilets are gross and much more 'open'

JasmineAllen · 13/05/2025 10:26

OP you are either making this up on the back of the ludicrous example set by RMW yesterday on the radio, or the woman in question is an absolute nutter.

Zebedee999 · 13/05/2025 10:23

TheGoogleMum · 13/05/2025 08:56

A 5 yr old in the ladies is fine in my opinion. I'm not sure what the cut off age should be though.

It depends on the child's abilities / common sense and the location. Some locations even an adult doesn't like going in alone! There is no right answer... it's up to the parent.

purpleme12 · 13/05/2025 10:22

Persianpaws · 13/05/2025 09:28

My friend is exactly the same with her 13 year old son, he is also autistic but more then capable of going into the men’s.

I stopped swimming with her but I won’t go anywhere with her now if she brings her son because he follows her into the ladies toilets and it’s caused arguments and comments on multiple occasions, he’s a big lad who looks much older.

I refuse to back her up and don’t agree with her encouraging him, he goes to the men’s at school and when he stays with his dad and he’s fine, my friend doesn’t see that she’s upsetting multiple women and girls for the sake of her son, our friendship has almost ended over this.

I think this is where some “gender neutral” (ridiculous phrase) spaces would be beneficial, it would be very helpful for disabled adults needing help with changing and personal care or who need to have a support worker of the opposite sex entering single sex facilities.

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I do actually think he should go in the men's to be honest. I think he's capable and yes at 13 I think it's too old to get away with it.
It's not that he needs help at all.

I just think my friend has left it to him to decide and he doesn't feel confident. (And my friend I think thinks it's not 100 per cent safe either).

At our swimming pools where I live it's mixed changing but where she lives it's separate changing

But yes I think if I try say something it's something that might damage friendship etc.

funinthesun19 · 13/05/2025 10:22

Butchyrestingface · 13/05/2025 09:56

I don't think you understand what I am saying despite the fact I've repeated it several times and (think) I've been clear.

I am not in favour of men coming into the women's toilets with their daughter. But I acknowledge it is something that happens. I would strongly prefer it didn't.

I am simply pondering the question about why it's ALWAYS women who have to accommodate males in their facilities.

MN literally abounds with tales of men coming into women's facilities with their daughters and saying they don't want to take them into the male toilets.

But women don't take their sons into the men's. So it's always WOMEN who have to tolerate male presence in their facilities on the grounds of "well, he's only 10" or "he's 15 but he's disabled").

Really just an observation that the same never happens in reverse.

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Women don’t want to take their children in to the men’s toilet though. Why should women like OP have to go in to the men’s toilet with her 5 year old just to satisfy you that men are being made uncomfortable by her presence? What about OP’s feelings about being uncomfortable while in there? All because you want to prove a point.

DustyLee123 · 13/05/2025 10:22

I wouldn’t send a 5 year old into a public toilet on their own, be it male or female. But if I was changing the nappy of a 5 year old, I’d do it in the disabled toilet, for their own dignity.