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Original poster

Daughter doesn’t partner & vice versa

235 replies

Mumof3babygirls · 12/05/2025 22:49

So as the title says my daughter and partner don’t get on. Daughters 25, I’ve been with partner 10 years, they have times when it’s ok but mostly they don’t get along. I’m pulled both ways by them both. DD is hard work, has been since being little. I have been fighting to get her tested to see if she’s on the spectrum. She’s a great girl who I love with my whole like but is hard to live with. Partner isn’t very patient or sympathetic of anyone
I work away 3 days a week so can’t always be at home and most weeks DD will text me moaning abt my partner
I’ve spoken to them both so many times
I feel my only choice is to end relationship with my partner but I love him and after my daughters dad left due to multiple affair it took me many years to love someone again
please help me as I just can’t think straight x

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof3babygirls · 13/05/2025 06:30

untilido · 12/05/2025 22:50

Why is she living with you still?

She did have her own place but got into financial difficulties so moved home to us

OP posts:
SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 13/05/2025 00:11

(Meant to add, at least now you can choose whether dating this boyfriend serves you, and massively enhances your life. That’s the whole point.)

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 12/05/2025 23:32

I know from experience that being made to live with some bloke, as a teenage girl, to facilitate your mothers dating life is excruciating. It’s never in a girls best interests to have to have some unrelated male in her home.
Yes, she’s an adult now but sounds like she’s still vulnerable and the boyfriend should have the basic decency and common sense to house himself and just date you separately to your child. Why hasn’t he done this?

He should never have been allowed to ‘not get on’ with your child.

CallMeFlo · 12/05/2025 23:29

You're mad if you dump him because your adult daughter doesn't like him. You could dump him and then she moves out and you're left on your own.

She's 25. She's not a child. If you love him and are happy with him she needs to either get on with him or move out

Renabrook · 12/05/2025 23:28

So what are you instincts saying about who is in the wrong generally

Goldbar · 12/05/2025 23:25

I know people say that you should put your children first, but really that only applies until age 18 or whatever age after that they can really be expected to live independently. The reason being that children are vulnerable and have very little power and should not be expected to live with someone who makes them uncomfortable when they can't vote with their feet and leave.

None of this applies to a 25yo. If he's decent and you're happy, she's the one that needs to go.

sheknowsitstoolate · 12/05/2025 23:07

Depends what they’re both moaning about.

Surely she won’t be living at home forever so most of the arguing will end at some point which will make things easier.

5foot5 · 12/05/2025 23:01

At 25 surely it won't be long before she is moving in to her own place. It would be a shame to end a loving relationship when the situation could soon improve

19lottie82 · 12/05/2025 22:52

Is her moaning justified? What are her complaints?

parting me feels that if shes not happy, she can move out. If your partner is a good man, the. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your happiness for an adult child.

untilido · 12/05/2025 22:50

Why is she living with you still?