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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its time to put the cat down?

38 replies

SkibbityBopBo · 12/05/2025 18:46

DH will not agree.

Cat is 20 years old.

Positives:
Still has good appetite
Mostly mobile
Seems happy plodding about and sleeping
Very loving

Negatives
Occasionally vomits (has been to vets multiple times, had bloodwork etc. They say its just his age, no physical reason to be found)
His back legs give way occasionally
Is completely deaf
Can't see very wel
Meows a lot because he is deaf and trying to find people
Pretty sure he has dementia, he gets confused and sits facing the wall/wanders around aimlessly.

All this I have lived with for the last few months with no issue BUT

Now he is starting to shit outside his box. In the hall, on the carpets ect

And today was my last straw as he SHIT on my kitchen counter and pissed in my stand mixer jug 😭

I told DH that I think its time now and he got mad.

Because hes not seeming to be in physical pain he doesn't agree.

YABU- He is happy enough and not in pain so leave him be

YANBU - If hes pissing and shitting on the kitchen sides its time to PTS.

OP posts:
VeryQuaintIrene · 12/05/2025 19:17

Ii think if she were shitting on our counter, my partner would call time on her!

VeryQuaintIrene · 12/05/2025 19:15

We have one beside the sofa (hardwood floors, fortunately!) and one in the hall, and so far, she gets it. Her back legs are wobbly, which makes litter boxes tricky for her, I think.

Original poster
SkibbityBopBo · 12/05/2025 19:13

VeryQuaintIrene · 12/05/2025 19:03

My girl is nearly 21 and is v. similar though we cope with the weeing with puppy pads changed a couple of times a day. She's actually very good at using them rather than going randomly and is always eager for breakfast and cuddles. It's hard, though.

Where do you put the puppy pads?

He just pees/poos wherever he is. He doesn't seem to be going to a specific place.

OP posts:
VeryQuaintIrene · 12/05/2025 19:03

My girl is nearly 21 and is v. similar though we cope with the weeing with puppy pads changed a couple of times a day. She's actually very good at using them rather than going randomly and is always eager for breakfast and cuddles. It's hard, though.

Original poster
SkibbityBopBo · 12/05/2025 19:03

Openthisdoor · 12/05/2025 18:53

Hes just old and behaving accordingly - it sounds like it’s more about you being pissed with him shitting everywhere. Shall we put all old people down that do the same?

I had an elderly cat who did all the same but I refused to have her put down all the time she was not in pain. She died cuddling up to me, purring till the last and i’m so glad that she went that way.

I’m with your OH here.

Edited

Not true.

I think that if after 20 years of never having toileting issues this is a stark sign of him being unhappy or unable to make it to the toilet anymore.

It's not about my discomfort, I'm a carer, I deal with shit and piss 24/7, it doesn't bother me.

What bothers me is the thought of the cat being distressed enought to pee on the kitchen counter because he doesn't know how to find his litter box anymore or he can't hold his bladder!

OP posts:
GailTheSnail · 12/05/2025 18:56

Apparently cats hide pain pretty well so you might not always recognise it as an owner

https://www.bluecross.org.uk/advice/cat/health-and-injuries/how-to-spot-if-your-cat-is-in-pain

Openthisdoor · 12/05/2025 18:53

Hes just old and behaving accordingly - it sounds like it’s more about you being pissed with him shitting everywhere. Shall we put all old people down that do the same?

I had an elderly cat who did all the same but I refused to have her put down all the time she was not in pain. She died cuddling up to me, purring till the last and i’m so glad that she went that way.

I’m with your OH here.

SophieJo · 12/05/2025 18:53

It is such an important decision that you both have to agree on, either waiting for him to die naturally or helping him on his way.
We were in the same situation a year ago and both agreed to let our sick cat go. We had tried everything but the vet said the end was close and he was suffering.My husband (retired) still grieves for him as he was his partner whilst I was out at work all day but at least doesn’t blame me.

user1471538283 · 12/05/2025 18:52

Oh bless him he doesn't know where he is. It's such a hard decision. But if he still has some joy, not in pain and eating he might be okay. But he will only get worse.

I read somewhere that a week too early is better than a week too late. I think we left it a little too late with DBoycat1 but then he was in so much pain we had to make the decision.

Original poster
SkibbityBopBo · 12/05/2025 18:52

Freda999 · 12/05/2025 18:48

My cat is similar but without the toilet episodes. He's ok but not living his best life.
Watching with interest, when is enough enough?

I was with DH until the toileting.

Theres no physical issue for it so for ke he is just unable to use his box anymore.

Which sort of comes under loss of dignity for him? I know he isnt human but still

OP posts:
BlahBlahBittyBlah · 12/05/2025 18:51

He’s had a good long life, time to let him go with a bit of dignity before you start to resent him for the mess and taint your memories of him. I loved my cat but I held on for way too long and he ended up becoming an absolute pain. Not his fault and I really regret not letting him go sooner.

Freda999 · 12/05/2025 18:48

My cat is similar but without the toilet episodes. He's ok but not living his best life.
Watching with interest, when is enough enough?

Wolfiefan · 12/05/2025 18:47

No happy and healthy cat does that. I’m sorry but if there’s no obvious cause like a UTI then it’s time. It’s not just about if a cat is in pain. It’s about quality of life. That’s no life is it? I’m sorry.