To think its time to put the cat down?

OP, you and your husband have my sympathies. It is so difficult to know when to make the decision. To be honest, I’ve regretted a few ‘too late’ decisions but never thought we’d gone ‘too early’. This is the up and downside of being able to make the decisions on behalf of the pet.

Do try and come together over this with your husband. Some vets will give pointers – we had one who gently asked if it was XX’s final time to see her.

Quality of life is more than about physical pain (plus cats hide pain well anyway). There's quality of life assessments you can look at eg this one from the Blue Cross to help you reach a decision. https://www.bluecross.org.uk/advice/cat/wellbeing-and-care/time-to-say-goodbye-to-your-cat

I would PTS by now definitely. If your husband won't, he should be the one to clean up all mess

Put the cat down. Animals can't tell you they're in pain. Why make the cat suffer?

Better a week too soon than a day too late OP.

A day sooner is better for your cat than a day too late. It’s the kinder option to have it put to sleep, and it will not know what you are planning.

Our cat’s the same. He’s 19. DH wants to wait, but everything I’ve read says it’s nearing the end.

We’ve found that when we’re not readily available it’s better to shut him in the utility room with his bed, food, water and litter tray. There he eats, drinks, sleeps and uses his litter tray with ease. If we leave all the doors open, he wanders, gets confused and yowls, which is distressing for him. So he’s either on the sofa with us, or in the utility room.

It’s a matter of time, but my DH is slowly coming round to the idea. Far better to choose a time that’s convenient and let them die surrounded by those who love him, than waiting to long and having a stressful end.

This is the Ikea boot try if you’re interested. £2.50 well spent! https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/baggmuck-shoe-mat-in-outdoor-grey-60329711/

This is just like my cat. He’s 21 and has moderate kidney decline. He has high blood pressure which was making him super wobbly and wonky back legs but since he started on those meds it’s a bit better. He was an outdoor cat but I think is just too sleepy/unadventurous now to go out to wee/poo and he was starting to go in the shower, in the corner, in the kids open school bags (grim!).

He now uses a covered litter tray which he manages fine for poo, but often I think he hangs out the front so misses it when he wees. I sorted that by getting an Ikea boot tray which the litter box sits on. The tray is longer than the litter box so there is an extra bit where I place a cut up puppy pad (1 pad = 4 mini pads) in front of it the entrance. Then if he wees out of the box, the pad gets it and the lip of the tray means it’s all contained.

He’s very loud and demanding but I think still has all his faculties. He occasionally is in a wee world of his own and is sometimes startled when I approach him, but otherwise can see/ hear fine. Has a good appetite. His favourite place is on my knee which he would do 24/7 given the chance which is a bit intense at times, but I am his person.

I guess I’ll be steered by how he copes day to day and by what the vet says at regular check ups but I do wonder when ‘that’ time will be.

I said to the vet that I hope I just come down one morning and find he’s gone in his sleep, to which she said “that rarely happens” so I think it will need to be a hard decision one day. I just can’t believe he’s still going!

I agree with this. It does sound like it’s time.

I think I would get the vet’s opinion.

Sometimes it’s hard to really see when you are so close to it and don’t want to admit the truth - we had to put my girl down at 19. I grew up with her and towards the end she had cancer and cat flu. I kept insisting she was fine and my mum finally had to say to me just look at her she’s miserable.

I am a terrible person but the line And today was my last straw as he SHIT on my kitchen counter and pissed in my stand mixer jug made me think respect to that little cats agility though of course it is not good and does make you wonder what is going on in his tangled up brain that he would do this .
Cats are by and large very dignified animals so when they lose the integrity to toilet as they'd prefer to , then you have to think "Is it now?"

I think he sounds distressed and possibly early dementia?
Does he go out ?

Cats hide pain extremely well. Back legs collapsing and incontinence makes it sound like it’s time.

I am a vet and say to people that you’ve spent a lifetime training pets to toilet outside or in a litter box, so when they are no longer able to do that it must be distressing for them. For me, this is enough to consider putting them down, I would hate for my elderly boy to be stressed thinking he’d be told off for toileting in the house.

The back legs going could be related to the incontinence. I'm always on the side of a week too early than a day too late.

So then if your so sure and believe you’re right, why are you posting?

That

he’s never going to have a better day than today, he’s not going to improve
a lot of people wait way too long and they end up with no dignity and in pain. I say that as someone who chose to let my elderly cat go early despite howling with grief over it
I would rather pick a day than be driving at 3am to out of hours with a cat in agony

Must be so hard to cope with a cat pooing everywhere . OP does your OH clear it up?

The back legs giving way would indicate to me that his time is nearing the end and combined with deafness and failing eyesight it can't be a great quality of life for him. I'd probably be thinking of euthanising him too, realistically at his age things are only going to go downhill and probably fairly quickly from here.