Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dad using individual ladies loo to change baby – what’s the etiquette?

336 replies

horchatatresleches · 12/05/2025 17:36

We were at a small cafe we hadn’t visited before – just me, DH, and our baby DS. When DS needed changing, DH went to check the facilities but came back quickly saying the baby change was in the ladies so I changed him but it got me wondering about what is the etiquette.

The setup was one of those where the mens and women loos are both single-occupancy, self-contained rooms that open off the same hallway – not communal spaces with stalls. So it’s not like he’d be walking into a room with other women inside and making anyone uncomfortable. I’ve been to similar cafes where both loos are labelled gender-neutral, which seems simpler. Personally, I wouldn’t bat an eye if I saw a dad coming out of that kind of loo with a baby, but DH felt uncomfortable using the ladies even though there was no one else around. He wasn’t sure what he’d have done if I hadn’t been there to help.

Is there an etiquette about dads using the ladies in this kind of setup if that’s where the baby change is?
YANBU - he’s fine to use the baby change
YABU - he shouldn’t go in the ladies there

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 12/05/2025 21:45

Apriltowers · 12/05/2025 21:38

If you let men in because they have a baby. Then that opens the floodgates to bad actors. You can't be sure of the intentions of any man who goes into the ladies safe space even if they do have a baby with them.

Into a self contained toilet?

caringcarer · 12/05/2025 21:44

aster10 · 12/05/2025 21:25

It doesn’t need to be unisex, it can be ladies. But a man with a young daughter should be able to enter a ladies’ toilet. A young girl’s right not to watch grown men urinate trumps the right of a grown woman to adjust her headscarf and similar rights mentioned here.

Show quote history

The man can wait outside the ladies toilet for his DD to come out just like I've waited outside mens toilets for DS to come out. There is never justification for a male over 7 to go into a women's toilet.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 12/05/2025 21:43

Apriltowers · 12/05/2025 21:38

If you let men in because they have a baby. Then that opens the floodgates to bad actors. You can't be sure of the intentions of any man who goes into the ladies safe space even if they do have a baby with them.

You can't be sure of anyone, at anytime. But this hysteria about loos is really silly. Man borrows/steals baby to be able to go into loos and find women? Really? You really worry about such things on a day to day basis? This is a far beyond normal level of mistrust imo.

TheIceBear · 12/05/2025 21:42

aster10 · 12/05/2025 21:25

It doesn’t need to be unisex, it can be ladies. But a man with a young daughter should be able to enter a ladies’ toilet. A young girl’s right not to watch grown men urinate trumps the right of a grown woman to adjust her headscarf and similar rights mentioned here.

Show quote history

I don’t actually agree with this. It’s not really ideal but I think an adult male should never enter the communal women’s bathroom regardless of whether they have a child. This is different because it’s a single cubicle. When I was a child my dad brought me to the men’s changing rooms at the swimming pool I don’t really think there was an alternative.

Catapultaway · 12/05/2025 21:41

Ddakji · 12/05/2025 21:37

Do you genuinely believe that a male baby and as adult man are the same thing vis-a-vis single sex spaces?
Jesus wept 🤣.

Edited
Show quote history

🤣 you're the one that said it is a space for females to change female babies only.
I believe they are the the same sex... so you now agree it's not a female only space, nice to see logic has prevailed

CalishataFolkart · 12/05/2025 21:39

Apriltowers · 12/05/2025 21:38

If you let men in because they have a baby. Then that opens the floodgates to bad actors. You can't be sure of the intentions of any man who goes into the ladies safe space even if they do have a baby with them.

It’s a single occupancy room. There’s no one else in there

Apriltowers · 12/05/2025 21:38

If you let men in because they have a baby. Then that opens the floodgates to bad actors. You can't be sure of the intentions of any man who goes into the ladies safe space even if they do have a baby with them.

Ddakji · 12/05/2025 21:38

rainbowunicorn · 12/05/2025 21:32

Nope, same person that.you called a fool a little while ago.
There's only one fool here and it's not me.

Show quote history

Well, you’ll be pleased to see that another fool has come to join you.

Ddakji · 12/05/2025 21:37

Catapultaway · 12/05/2025 21:33

So you genuinely believe that male babies shouldn't be allowed in with their mothers? 🤣 jesus wept

Show quote history

Do you genuinely believe that a male baby and as adult man are the same thing vis-a-vis single sex spaces?
Jesus wept 🤣.

Catapultaway · 12/05/2025 21:33

Ddakji · 12/05/2025 19:48

It is if it’s labelled Ladies/women/female.

Show quote history

So you genuinely believe that male babies shouldn't be allowed in with their mothers? 🤣 jesus wept

rainbowunicorn · 12/05/2025 21:32

Ddakji · 12/05/2025 21:15

Oh look, another fool.

Show quote history

Nope, same person that.you called a fool a little while ago.
There's only one fool here and it's not me.

BIossomtoes · 12/05/2025 21:31

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 12/05/2025 21:30

What does "gender neutral" mean?

Show quote history

Unisex

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 12/05/2025 21:30

Threecraws · 12/05/2025 19:13

I would suggest to the cafe they should just label the individual toilets as gender neutral

What does "gender neutral" mean?

aster10 · 12/05/2025 21:25

Ddakji · 12/05/2025 20:23

This issue is that as soon as you make a space unisex it’s for all men to use - not just the ones with babies. That would be direct sex discrimination, I believe.

Show quote history

It doesn’t need to be unisex, it can be ladies. But a man with a young daughter should be able to enter a ladies’ toilet. A young girl’s right not to watch grown men urinate trumps the right of a grown woman to adjust her headscarf and similar rights mentioned here.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 12/05/2025 21:25

Ddakji · 12/05/2025 21:22

No, it isn’t. But it does require the clear signage and bins as I said. Otherwise you’ll end up with two spaces for men to use and only one for women - because many people do abide by the signs. Including most men, I would posit.

Show quote history

There are only two spaces. Easy to stick bins in both.

Ddakji · 12/05/2025 21:22

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 12/05/2025 21:16

It really isn't rocket science, is it? 2 single loos = two single loos open to those who need them, with one having space for a baby changing table. Sorted.

Show quote history

No, it isn’t. But it does require the clear signage and bins as I said. Otherwise you’ll end up with two spaces for men to use and only one for women - because many people do abide by the signs. Including most men, I would posit.

BIossomtoes · 12/05/2025 21:22

TheIceBear · 12/05/2025 20:54

It isn’t the “women’s toilets “ it’s a single occupancy space if you read the ops post so can you specify what the issue is exactly with a man going in to change a baby ?

Show quote history

There isn’t one. The bloody obsession with toilets is madness.

XenoBitch · 12/05/2025 21:19

caringcarer · 12/05/2025 21:16

Because if he's Al me he's Go next choice but to use ladies. If his wife is there he's choosing to go into a ladies toilet for no good reason.

Show quote history

I think the mum wanting to sit and enjoy her coffee, and leave the dad to change his own baby's nappy, is enough reason for him to go onto a self contained ladies loo.
It is self contained.... who is he harming by using it?

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 12/05/2025 21:18

caringcarer · 12/05/2025 21:16

Because if he's Al me he's Go next choice but to use ladies. If his wife is there he's choosing to go into a ladies toilet for no good reason.

Show quote history

No. He's choosing to go into an enclosed space with a baby changing unit, for the reason that his child needs changing and it's his turn. Reason - right there.

caringcarer · 12/05/2025 21:16

Coconutter24 · 12/05/2025 19:39

If it’s ok for him to do it when out alone why isn’t it ok for him to do it when with a female?

Show quote history

Because if he's Al me he's Go next choice but to use ladies. If his wife is there he's choosing to go into a ladies toilet for no good reason.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 12/05/2025 21:16

Ddakji · 12/05/2025 21:13

Well - that is was the OP proposed. But yes, most are saying for both to be unisex, both with sanitary bins, one with the baby change (as one is bigger than the other) and clearly labelled as unisex and unisex + baby change.

Show quote history

It really isn't rocket science, is it? 2 single loos = two single loos open to those who need them, with one having space for a baby changing table. Sorted.

Ddakji · 12/05/2025 21:15

rainbowunicorn · 12/05/2025 20:40

You are the one that said 'it is if it's labelled Ladies/women/female' in response to a PP saying it wasn't a single sex space to change only female babies.

Show quote history

Oh look, another fool.

Ddakji · 12/05/2025 21:13

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 12/05/2025 20:48

Nobody is proposing that though. People are proposing they are both unisex, with one also labelled baby changing. Not discrimination at all.

Show quote history

Well - that is was the OP proposed. But yes, most are saying for both to be unisex, both with sanitary bins, one with the baby change (as one is bigger than the other) and clearly labelled as unisex and unisex + baby change.

lonlynessworks · 12/05/2025 21:11

The baby got changed no one got hurt and they all got on with their day the end.

Threecraws · 12/05/2025 21:11

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 12/05/2025 19:14

But that would leave no space for some of the people on Mumsnet to get their knickers in a twist. And then where would we be?

Show quote history

They will always find somewhere