Dad using individual ladies loo to change baby – what’s the etiquette?

It's not a woman's work by default. But if the only changing space is in the ladies, and the mother is there, i would expect the mother to do the changing. I would expect the same if the genders were switched (which of course will never happen!)

Over 20 years ago when my husband was the primary carer most frequently baby changing was within the ladies toilets - a fold down table in the open area of a communal ladies toilet. He just used to walk right in go to the table and do the necessary. Never had anyone complain but did have a few approving nods from older ladies as he clearly knew what he was doing which he found amusing. I stress this was long before men started using ladies facilities and it became a contentious issue. I suspect now he would probably be safer to ask the owner of the location where he should go.

Most loos in small cafes I’ve been to are unisex (with no changing facilities). But in your case I’d have no problem with it at all. I would point out to the cafe staff that there should be facilities in both or remove the male/female signs and make them gender neutral.

This was really gracious. It takes a lot to apologise so nicely.

Spot on.

Anyone who has an issue with a father using the only baby change to change his baby is an utter moron. And the suggestions that he leaves the premises and uses a park bench? I mean what on earth.
Some people are totally nuts.

I mean really they should provide separate baby change or baby change in both men's and women's loos. Having them just in the women's is very out dated but there should be no circumstances where he has to go into the women's loos to change a baby.

Sorry your being ridiculous. Two toilets side by side on the same corridor. Both have a toilet and a sink one includes a baby change facility. Can you give me one good reason why one toilet should be male and one female? Why can't both just have a sign saying "toilet"? As I said both next to each other on the same corridor.

Agree parents need to campaign for separate baby changing facilities in general, they shouldn't be inside any toilet male or female

Also disabled people and women shouldn’t have had to campaign for facilities. They should have been given them - it should be common sense. To say that this is now the standard for being granted basic privileges is so shortsighted.

That isn’t going to happen though because this work is still unfairly distributed in society. Men can easily opt out of doing it with few consequences. There are a few men who do buck the trend and are the primary carers of children but to say well fuck them let’s give them nothing unless they campaign for it is both stupid and cruel. We need to create conditions where men caring for children is seen as normal. This includes having appropriate facilities for changing babies.

My view on this is that men need to get off their arses and campaign for appropriate facilities, as women and other minorities have done. In the meantime they need to change the baby on a park bench or on their laps, the way mothers do when there isn’t a convenient facility, it isn’t rocket science. There is NO reason good enough for a man to use a women’s toilet. It’s a hard boundary for good reason.

Not good enough. Changing nappies shouldn’t be women’s work by default. There is no reason why a man can’t use a space like that to change a nappy. No good reason at all

Well then you’re a total twat and it’s babies and young children who suffer as a result attitudes like yours. And nobody has said how men using the baby changing facilities hurts women in any way.

I’ll happily have a father changing a child in a single-sex toilet space, then watch a father pass a child over to a woman because of a door sign or worse, leave a child dirty.
Ask the staff by all means, but if the facilities are in one area there’s not much he can do!

Yeah he shouldn’t just use the ladies. He needs to speak to the manager and state he needs to change his baby where are the facilities for this. Then he can use the ladies seeing as it’s single cubicle. The cafe need to know or they won’t bother putting facilities in the men’s. And he should just assume because he’s a man and can’t do that.

i personally wouldn’t be bother him using the ladies in that situation but I would be bothered if he was doing it without making the cafe aware they need to stop being sexist wankers

I remember when I was younger my dad was our care giver while mum worked. It was 1980s and he and a few other stay at home dads lobbied a local shopping centre for Changing facilities for any sex of parent. Because he had been told he couldn't use the changing facilities in the ladies; he proceeded to change my then baby sister on the floor of the shoe department and got kicked out of the store. Of course he should use them it's not his issue the default stereotype is that changing nappies is womens work.

If only people communicating their needs lead to needs being met.

How did you wash your hands after you’d pissed in a nappy? 🤢

because presumably she's a lady?

And leave the pram/all our luggage unattended in the airport? Also he’s 4 months old, so it’s quite difficult to wipe oneself and wash hands effectively whilst holding a tiny, wriggly baby!

Think of it as a room with two separate facilities - a ladies only toilet and also a baby changing space.

The dad doesn't have 'nowhere to change the baby', though, does he? As a parent, you make all kinds of decisions every day as to where to go, which places have decent facilities and which don't. I remember avoiding certain places when my DS was little because either the facilities were often dirty, cramped or in many cases non-existent. I didn't expect the world to stop turning on its axis because I'd recently become a parent - just made decisions with DS in mind. It's actually what women have had to do for centuries.

Now that a man is inconvenienced, I'm expected to say, 'no problem mate, your needs are superior to mine - I'll just wait outside while you use a space designated for women'? Don't think so.

Right so a dad out with a baby has nowhere to change the baby? Great. Not your problem maybe but it’s a problem for the baby who now might have to wait to have their nappy changed. It’s not even a female space - it’s a fucking individual toilet and the only thing that makes it female is that there is a sign on the door which the cafe owner could remove tomorrow.
Could you explain how precisely any women will be negatively affected by a man using the baby changing facilities?
I bet you’d be singing a different tune if they put the changing facilities in the men’s and said sorry ladies, not allowed in there, go find another venue to change your kid or don’t go out without the kids dad in future.

Why is it well said when it is a single occupancy space. There is no common sense in that statement if you read the ops description of the toilet. It’s just silliness

Well said!