Dad using individual ladies loo to change baby – what’s the etiquette?

Using a table in the corner is gross and unhygienic . Ew. And the managers office is a bizarre suggestion.

With two single occupancy rooms lots of women would use the mens and vice versa anyway. For example, 3 women queuing, no men... one would use the mens.

So a man using the baby change unit wouldn't cause any surprise

Jesus! You would rather he change a baby on the floor of a men’s toilet than have him use a proper facility in a single room just because it happens to have a picture of a woman on the door?? Have a word with yourself.

No you haven’t been clear at all. What is the concern when it is a single occupancy space exactly ? Most sane people wouldn’t be bothered when they saw a man with a changing bag exiting the bathroom with a baby. I don’t see this a reason to make this about “female only spaces” let’s be sensible here. I do agree it’s sexist to only have it in the ladies though.

Utter tripe.

Disabled people don’t want ableds in their space but have had to deal with disabled toilet + baby change for a very long time. Where are all the “men shouldn’t be in the ladies” mums campaigning to make sure disabled spaces are for disabled people and refusing to use a baby change in the disabled toilets?

Carrying on as if they are entitled to use these spaces because it’s convenient for them, that’s where they are.

"What do you think he is going to do in there exactly ? Wee on the toilet seat?"

I've been perfectly clear on the reason why I think it's particularly important for him to stay out of women's private spaces at this time when there is another option. I have no issue with him managing like you have and using the floor of the men's if OP wants to have lunch in peace.

You have clearly missed the argument that women shouldn’t change by default just because the changing unit is in the ladies and it should be challenged

It’s an individual room with a toilet and a baby change. Why on earth shouldn’t he be in there doing that?

Some people have missed/ignored the description of the loos :-

"The setup was one of those where the mens and women loos are both single-occupancy, self-contained rooms that open off the same hallway – not communal spaces with stalls. "

No reason why he couldn't have used the one labelled "ladies".

Perhaps both could be labelled toilet, & 1 "with baby-changing table".

You’ve clearly missed the argument that men shouldn’t be in the women’s toilets.

Did you read the OP?

Did he go and speak to staff about the lack of facilities for father’s with babies? Or was his only action to hand baby to you and leave you to sort it all out?

Mixed sex.

As it is single occupancy I don't see the issue.

The cafe should put a baby changing table in the men's as well though.

"all genders" what does that mean?

It is odd that a cafe with just two loos would even have them as ladies/gents. All the cafes I know with two loos have them as gender neutral.

YANBU

Well I wouldn’t facilitate just for this reason. When abroad I’ve had to change a baby in all sorts of bathrooms with no changing units at all and managed. Best to ask rather than the mother just going ahead and changing the baby further cementing the view that baby changes are women’s work.
besides a single cubicle is totally different from a man waltzing into a communal ladies room which obviously would be totally inappropriate. What do you think he is going to do in there exactly ? Wee on the toilet seat ?

Men need to advocate for men. He can start with an email to the coffee shop.
In the mean time in single spaces to access a change table I’m fine (as long as he cleans up).

I think he should ask ‘where should I change my baby’s nappy’. Let the place you are at tell him.

I absolutely disagree that you should just do it- it’s perfectly reasonable that a baby change should be available to anyone needing to change their baby.

In those circumstances, where the toilets are identical, I use whichever one is free and it annoys me that they put 'male' and 'female' on them. I'd have no issue with a man using a toilet marked 'ladies' to change his baby, as long as there was no risk of a woman being in at the same time.

I think fine to use the ladies for that purpose. I can't imagine any woman would object if he came in with a baby in his arms.

They’re not catered for because they haven’t told business and service providers their needs.

Because plenty of women don't want men in the ladies, especially after a decade of men invading our spaces. I get this situation is different but if it there is a way to avoid yet another man invading female spaces I think that's the route to take. If men hadn't been invading female spaces illegally for so long I would have zero issue with OP sitting enjoying her food while the dad changed the nappy in the ladies, but right now it's a touchy situation.

The café shouldn't be so sexist and should have a changing table in both rooms.

Wouldn't bother me. If he'd shout through the door that ge needs to come in to change the baby cause there's no facilities in the men's, fair enough.

Likewise if I went in and there was a bloke there with a baby on theat, I'd assume he'd say something along those lines - no facilities in the men's.

Cant believe in this day and age dads aren't catered for!

Exactly this. Mothers had to fight for what they’ve got - no reason why dads can’t put in the work for themselves as well instead of just hijacking our hard-won female spaces.