Dad using individual ladies loo to change baby – what’s the etiquette?

When it’s DH’s turn to take my boy and girl twins to the toilet, upon some consideration I started to ask him to take them to the ladies’ toilet. Ladies’ toliets always have individual cubicles, so nobody is exposed. Men are more exposed, I didn’t want my daughter to see them urinating. But I can understand that men might be uncomfortable going into the ladies’ toilet.

I did read that. But women change their scarves in the open area, typically, where there are mirrors, decent lighting and more space to leave your bag. So a man would see them unscarved if he walked into the ladies' restroom.

Even myself, I sometimes adjust my bra and my clothes in the same open area, I do NOT want to see a man walking in while I'm doing that.

I did read that. But women change their scarves in the open area, typically, where there are mirrors, decent lighting and more space to leave your bag. So a man would see them unscarved if he walked into the ladies' restroom.

Even myself, I sometimes adjust my bra and my clothes in the same open area, I do NOT want to see a man walking in while I'm doing that.

Read the OP. They are individual self contained rooms. No one is waltzing into them when they are occupied.

Yes, there is: If you are a man, you do not enter a ladies' restroom. With or without a baby, it's just not okay. You might not "bat an eye" or feel uncomfortable about it, but many other women would. For instance, I have many Muslim friends who always like to adjust their headscarves when they are in public restrooms...they would absolutely not be impressed by your husband galavanting into the restroom with your baby.

We were at a small cafe we hadn’t visited before – just me, DH, and our baby DS. When DS needed changing, DH went to check the facilities but came back quickly saying the baby change was in the ladies so I changed him but it got me wondering about what is the etiquette.

The setup was one of those where the mens and women loos are both single-occupancy, self-contained rooms that open off the same hallway – not communal spaces with stalls. So it’s not like he’d be walking into a room with other women inside and making anyone uncomfortable. I’ve been to similar cafes where both loos are labelled gender-neutral, which seems simpler. Personally, I wouldn’t bat an eye if I saw a dad coming out of that kind of loo with a baby, but DH felt uncomfortable using the ladies even though there was no one else around. He wasn’t sure what he’d have done if I hadn’t been there to help.

Is there an etiquette about dads using the ladies in this kind of setup if that’s where the baby change is?
YANBU - he’s fine to use the baby change
YABU - he shouldn’t go in the ladies there

Why would any woman feel uncomfortable about aan walking out of a baby change area holding a baby?
I can't see the issue, it's clearly a toilet and a baby change area, it isn't a single sex space only for women to change female only babies.

I don't think there is any harm in him using the ladies in this situation - he isn't going to be invading anyone's privacy and the room would be being used whether he did it or you did, so he isn't causing more delay to women. Even with a larger loo with cubicles, I think it's okay for men on their own with babies to call in and ask if they can enter (wait for anyone who isn't comfortable to finish) as the discrimination by the cafe requires a bit of accommodation by everyone to make things fair on the man and baby.

I can, however, see why he would be uncomfortable (and why women might be a bit uncomfortable seeing him come out). And while it's not great that he turns to you to sort it out, the real problem here is that the cafe are discriminating by putting the changing table in a single sex space.

Well no, as it contains a baby change so that'll make it for parents and babies, not just women.

It's a single individual toilet so it shouldn't be a problem for anyone.

But for the pedants, I guess the cafe owner should change the sign to 'Ladies toilet and baby change'.

Not really going to solve the immediate problem though if OP hadn’t been there

This.

because men shouldn't be in the ladies.

Men need to get on at cafés etc to provide changing facilities that they can use. Or offer to use the table/seat in the corner, or if they can use the manager's office.

They need to be making it clear it is not acceptable for them to be told to use the ladies.

In that circumstance it’s clearly a disabled AND baby change, and disabled toilets are already mixed sex.

A facility marked Ladies/women/female is for female people only.

Get a grip Zelda. Read the whole conversation before you jump and up down. I was responding to "When abroad I’ve had to change a baby in all sorts of bathrooms with no changing units at all and managed."

Before this I said if he was alone I have no issue with him using the lades.

"all genders" what does that mean?

"all genders" what does that mean?

I wouldn’t like it.

He should ask about the cafe having a changing table in the men’s for dads like him, or vote with his feet and go elsewhere.