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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
theemmadilemma · 12/05/2025 17:01

I’ll be honest. I have very little time for children. My worst nightmare is a crying child close to me on a flight.

But I have never been outwardly vocal, and her behaviour is pretty disgusting.

Rosecoffeecup · 12/05/2025 17:00

By swapping seats you'd have just pissed off the new people in front of you because she'd have been kicking them instead?

YAB completely U. A 4 year old should not be doing that at all and the fact that you couldn't stop her just looks like weak parenting

SnakesAndArrows · 12/05/2025 17:00

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:46

I encouraged her to sit cross legged until the plane went up, but she kept forgetting and straightening them out again.

I really do think she would have done better if we had more space

You have the responsibility here. You. You should have stopped her kicking the seat.

Also, you know fine well she wasn’t doing it accidentally. If your daughter’s legs are so short that the edge of her seat aligned with her calf, then there’s no way that her feet reached the back of the seat in front in such a way that accidental kicking - rather than just touching - was possible.

The woman in front was unreasonable to swear, of course, but she was not unreasonable to be annoyed and to tell you so.

Someone2025 · 12/05/2025 17:00

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:31

How did you get them not to?

Huh?!?

You tell them to stop!

PeloMom · 12/05/2025 17:00

Re stowing the tablet we have never been asked to do that for take off / landing. The tray - yes but then I ask DC to hold the tablet and has never been an issue.
I’ve also not allowed my Dc to kick during flights and have never had issues. The legs sound to be short enough for your DH to cross them, bend them on the seat etc; and yes, shoes off is helpful.
couldn’t you ask the FA for water - they’re usually quite accommodating for kids even if it’s before service.

Fruitbat99 · 12/05/2025 17:00

Does your daughter have sen?

A 4 year old crying because they didn't get a drink instantly and fidgeting and kicking someone's seat till they have to ask them to stop several times? I'd be embarrassed.

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:59

Delatron · 12/05/2025 16:56

It doesn’t matter whether you think it was hard or not. She was disturbing the woman in front constantly and you are just minimising it. Probably why she got annoyed.

I don’t think I’m minimizing it though. I’m sure it was annoying, and I’ve experienced it myself. And nobody likes to listen to crying children. I’ve never sworn at them or suggested drugging them for it, though.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 16:59

You say “we”. There were two of you and you still couldn’t prevent your daughter kicking the seat of the passenger in front?

No wonder so many youngsters are beginning reception so ill-prepared.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 12/05/2025 16:59

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:37

I wish I had thought of taking off her shoes! I’m so slow 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t think it was that hard, but I also know these are very cheap seats and you can probably feel everything through them.

I agree; I don’t think it’s ever appropriate to use that kind of language in front of a child.

You take her shoes off and wrap her feet in a jumper.

FedupofArsenalgame · 12/05/2025 16:58

TheWonderhorse · 12/05/2025 16:55

Parenting is hard when people can't put up even the minor annoyances associated with there being other people on the planet.

If I get on a plane and there's a child behind me, I say hi and go all out to show the parent that I'm not going to kick off about their kid existing in a space near me. Kids cry, and move a lot. It's a lot to ask a child to sit still for five hours. People need to be realistic, not all young kids can do that.

The plane hadn't even taken off and the kid was kicking

Lovemycat2023 · 12/05/2025 16:58

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:56

We had to stow her tablet, to which her headphones were connected, under the seat for take off. I gave her my phone; she wanted sound. I gave her snacks— they made her thirsty. I tried different means of keeping her still, and corrected her over and over. I should have remembered the drinks, and thought of removing her shoes, but other than that ?

I think the space situation doomed us. This wasn’t a problem when she was smaller and we flew via a different airline…Live and learn, I guess.

Edited

That makes no sense. As a PP pointed out there would have been plenty of space. Was your child lying down on the seat? Otherwise how on earth did their feet reach the seat back in front?

LittleOwl153 · 12/05/2025 16:58

When I travelled (on planes or in the car where it is my back they are kicking!) with my kids when they were younger I did a 'surprise bag' where their in-flight bag was packed with things to do - wrapped up like presents, with clues and puzzles to do as they got older. I included sweets, a drinks bottle, anything I could think of. They were allowed to open one every 20 mins or something to spread them out. It also meant there was definately a drinks bottle in her bag.

You could also use an inflatable pillow or ask for some blankets to put behind her to adjust the knee position if that is the issue.

rosemarble · 12/05/2025 16:57

If the woman is anything like me, she may already have been on edge having seen the child behind her and been snapped as soon as she felt the first kick.

I hate anyone behind me in planes, cinemas, concerts.

Clearinguptheclutter · 12/05/2025 16:57

Well she was awful but your dc must have been kicking pretty intensely- I find flying with kids super stressful and mine are no angels but don’t think they have kicked the person in front, ever

faerietales · 12/05/2025 16:57

TheWonderhorse · 12/05/2025 16:55

Parenting is hard when people can't put up even the minor annoyances associated with there being other people on the planet.

If I get on a plane and there's a child behind me, I say hi and go all out to show the parent that I'm not going to kick off about their kid existing in a space near me. Kids cry, and move a lot. It's a lot to ask a child to sit still for five hours. People need to be realistic, not all young kids can do that.

Being kicked in the back constantly is not a “minor annoyance”.

samarrange · 12/05/2025 16:56

Anahg · 12/05/2025 16:53

She shouldn’t have reacted like that but I imagine it’s massively annoying to have the back of your seat kicked, especially on a long haul flight.

You do make a lot of mealy mouthed excuses for failings on your part. Like the cutesy “dumb dumb” bit about not having access to water. You really have to be all over this stuff when you’re flying with kids.

Threads like this remind me of those "neighbours from hell" TV programmes. You start off thinking that something is pretty clear-cut and after a while you realise that it's two unreasonable people who just happen to be in close proximity. It sounds like OP doesn't want to have the hassle of getting her daughter to behave properly, and the woman in front is one of those people who runs along on the red line of her internal pressure meter the whole time.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 12/05/2025 16:56

Having the back of your seat kicked is unbelievably irritating. I would absolutely not tolerate my kids doing this to someone, under any circumstances.

Happyhappyday · 12/05/2025 16:56

Shoes off for sure. For long haul we have a Stokke bedbox which lets them put their feet up and stopped DC accidentally bumping the seat. You can’t use it for take off though. You can also get them to cross their legs. The people in front of you do seem nuts but equally hard to know what actually was going on. Also agree that you do need to be more prepared, ie, headphones already ready, snacks and water available etc. We also almost always fly something slightly better than economy but appreciate that adds a lot of cost. Some people I know hand out ear plugs and chocolates to people around them if they know their DC are obnoxious.

Delatron · 12/05/2025 16:56

It doesn’t matter whether you think it was hard or not. She was disturbing the woman in front constantly and you are just minimising it. Probably why she got annoyed.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 16:56

Onethingafteran0ther · 12/05/2025 16:53

My firstborn is ND and flying is a nightmare because they fidget, have sensory issues etc.
People lose their patience on aeroplanes. Everyone just needs to chill out! Yanbu op xx

You have no idea of the personal circumstances of the other passengers.

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:56

MumChp · 12/05/2025 16:49

But tbh you didn't do a great job if your 4 yo kept kicking the seat in front of her.

We had to stow her tablet, to which her headphones were connected, under the seat for take off. I gave her my phone; she wanted sound. I gave her snacks— they made her thirsty. I tried different means of keeping her still, and corrected her over and over. I should have remembered the drinks, and thought of removing her shoes, but other than that ?

I think the space situation doomed us. This wasn’t a problem when she was smaller and we flew via a different airline…Live and learn, I guess.

OP posts:
faerietales · 12/05/2025 16:56

The other passenger was rude but I would be seriously pissed off to find myself sat in front of a child who was kicking my seat constantly.

At four, your DD is more than capable of sitting still and understanding that kicking other people is totally unacceptable.

TheWonderhorse · 12/05/2025 16:55

Parenting is hard when people can't put up even the minor annoyances associated with there being other people on the planet.

If I get on a plane and there's a child behind me, I say hi and go all out to show the parent that I'm not going to kick off about their kid existing in a space near me. Kids cry, and move a lot. It's a lot to ask a child to sit still for five hours. People need to be realistic, not all young kids can do that.

rosemarble · 12/05/2025 16:55

The smallest seat pitch (distance from one point in the seat to the same point in the seat in front) is 28".
The average 4 year old is 40" - so about 1/2 of that would be bottom and leg I would think?
So even stuck out dead straight they shouldn't hit the seat in front.

vintagecrow · 12/05/2025 16:55

What did your partner do to stop her kicking?

If you are unable to do the parenting maybe your partner could have taken over?

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