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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:35

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 17:32

She’s lying across you in that photograph.

OP. Accept you got it wrong and do better next time.

We are 32000 ft in the air and level. The seatbelt sign is off.

I feel like you’ve never flown before

OP posts:
ParmaVioletTea · 12/05/2025 17:35

I really do think she would have done better if we had more space

Well that's on YOU, isn't it? The irony of causing this disruption because you were too cheap to pay for better seats, and were unprepared for the journey. And yet you slag off the woman in front for not wanting to pay to be moved away from your daughter, making her trip a misery?

Yes, aeroplanes are public transport, but it's not as if the passengers can easily get up and walk about if someone else is annoying them or making their back hurt.

Nichebitch · 12/05/2025 17:35

OP I think some posters are being either thick or actual c*nts. It sounds like you were trying your best, not all children react the same or are as easy to control. Mine definitely wouldn’t watch her tablet for more than 10m in a flight at that age, and kept forgetting instructions. She’s started being a calm flyer at 6. Flying with children is really stressful and if you’re trying, people could just have some empathy. I think you were far too understanding- I would have gotten the staff involved if she’d dared spoken to my child like that.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 17:35

CrowsInMyGarden · 12/05/2025 17:26

I'm in my 60s and all kids obviously grown now. If I had a small child sitting behind me I wouldn't complain if they were kicking the seat, even if it did annot me. I'd probably turn round and chat to them. I feel for parents who have small children on flights so would try to help if anything. I didn't take mine abroad until smallest was 6 just in case I encountered moaning people.

I’m in my 60s. Children grown, 4 year old grandchild.
I would. I would ask the parents to prevent their child from kicking the seat.

HunnyPot · 12/05/2025 17:34

Flight attendant should have given you and your daughter the upgrade for free 😁

mathanxiety · 12/05/2025 17:34

Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 17:27

Only for take off and landing op

fgs you really do think none of us are parents and have never flown, don’t you

If you hit turbulence and the fasten seat belts light goes on, the children have to be put back in their own seats and buckled securely in.

Turbulence is noticeably increasing, even in winter. I've been on flights within the US and transatlantic where there were very few stretches in which passengers could unbuckle. One memorable flight from the SE US to Minneapolis involved a detour around a massive storm and no unbuckling at all. Many passengers were reaching for the sick bags.

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:34

MumChp · 12/05/2025 17:25

You child is 4?
Grown ups sit in the seats not making a fuss. It seems pretty weird a 4 yo is so cramped.

Like I said, the edge of her seat came to her upper calves, so she couldn’t bend her knees and put her feet down. If she slid her butt forward to bend her knees, if wasn’t comfortable on her back, with the seatbelt forcing her to slouch, which made her wiggle and use her feet to counterbalance to get back up straight. Got her to sit cross legged or with her feet on the seat for short intervals, but she would get uncomfortable and forget to be still and adjust herself.

it wasn’t like she was able to freely swing her legs and just refused to stop roundhousing the seat. It wasn’t intentional.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 12/05/2025 17:34

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:33

And they just… sat still?

We flew with our DC from aged 4 months several times a year and I can honestly say that they never kicked the seat in front more than once.
Its not compulsory

DreamTheMoors · 12/05/2025 17:33

The amount of replies on here:

YOU have a SHIT child because YOUR parenting is SHIT and MY parenting is SO FAR SUPERIOR.

😂😂😂

Ladysodor · 12/05/2025 17:32

The woman overreacted but your daughter was probably driving her up the wall.
Besides who, in their right mind, takes a toddler on a five hour flight to a hiking holiday? Two hours to Majorca would do my head in!!

Frostynoman · 12/05/2025 17:32

Could you not have taken the £60 upgrade? Seemed like the win-win option

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 17:32

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:26

Children are required to sit in their own seats after the age of two, and it’s really not safe for <2 yos to be unbuckled on their parents’ laps either.

She’s lying across you in that photograph.

OP. Accept you got it wrong and do better next time.

dudsville · 12/05/2025 17:31

I think you need to separate your behavior from the behavior of the woman in front. It's not that one was OK and the other wasn't, and it's not about who was more in the wrong. Just look to managing the things for which you have responsibility.

ERthree · 12/05/2025 17:30

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:31

How did you get them not to?

Put your hand on their leg to hold it still and say No.

ParmaVioletTea · 12/05/2025 17:30

Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child,

Well, I tried that on a 12 hour overnight trip when a 5 year old boy was kicking my seat incessantly,. and all the mother said was "He's only a child."

I don't know if you know how much a child kicking your seat can jolt your back. It hurts. The jolt of the kick goes up & through the seat back.

YABU. You can make all the excuses you like, but you made the experience of the woman in front of you uncomfortable.

ContraryNoodle · 12/05/2025 17:29

The title of your post is right - drama, which you caused by not being in the slightest prepared. Your kid is nearly 4 years old. At that age, you should have learned to not be so utterly useless and ineffective. Yeah, the passenger should not have sworn but travelling can be super stressful and you did not nothing to prevent your child being an utter pain in the arse. Also stop minimising just how anti social you were! Ok, it was your child but that is entirely on you!

mathanxiety · 12/05/2025 17:28

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 12/05/2025 17:22

Personally I would never have taken a child at that age on such a long flight. I have had a child kicking the back of my seat though and it’s really irritating when the parent can’t be bothered to stop their DC .

What nonsense.

I've flown transatlantic many times from US midwest to both Dublin and Heathrow and back, overnight flights with other people's children eastbound and daytime flights with otjer people's children westbound, as well as my own when they were babies, toddlers, and older children.

The children were a great deal more considerate than many of the adults.

Quite frankly, if you can't handle the close proximity of other people of all ages for eight hours at a stretch, maybe long haul air travel is not for you. Or maybe invest in a supply of chill pills.

Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 17:27

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:26

Children are required to sit in their own seats after the age of two, and it’s really not safe for <2 yos to be unbuckled on their parents’ laps either.

Only for take off and landing op

fgs you really do think none of us are parents and have never flown, don’t you

nomas · 12/05/2025 17:26

ThatShyRoseViper · 12/05/2025 17:10

This is clearly some sort of gentle parenting going on here. “I was guiding her…”

No, you tell them and shut the poor behaviour down.

That’s very unfair. OP only said she was ‘guiding’ her dd in response to a poster who questioned whether Op was guiding her dd.

CrowsInMyGarden · 12/05/2025 17:26

I'm in my 60s and all kids obviously grown now. If I had a small child sitting behind me I wouldn't complain if they were kicking the seat, even if it did annot me. I'd probably turn round and chat to them. I feel for parents who have small children on flights so would try to help if anything. I didn't take mine abroad until smallest was 6 just in case I encountered moaning people.

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:26

Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 16:38

I’d have hauled her on my lap and pinned her legs to my legs to stop her kicking

bloody uncomfortable for me and her but at least I’m not ruining a passenger’s flight

Children are required to sit in their own seats after the age of two, and it’s really not safe for <2 yos to be unbuckled on their parents’ laps either.

OP posts:
Midnightlove · 12/05/2025 17:26

It's annoying but not u expected for a child to bash the seat. Last flight I had (night flight) the woman behind me was up and down all flight, and grabbed the back of my headrest every time she got up sending me flying around 😡 now she should know better. Coupled with a toddler that literally screamed the entire 9 hours a few rows ahead of me. Flying is never comfortable in economy, they need to chill a bit especially if you're trying the best you can

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 17:25

Pun unintended.

It seems the apple has not fallen far from the tree.

TheHerboriste · 12/05/2025 17:25

MumChp · 12/05/2025 17:02

She is 4yo?
She has a lot of room In her seat.

A 4 yo should be able to sit still without a phone or a drink for the time of takeoff. It's 10 minutes?

I know! Some four-year-olds are in pre-school for god's sake.

MoreChocPls · 12/05/2025 17:25

Does your dd not know the meaning of ‘no’ or ‘stop’? Yabu.