Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
Shadowsunray · 12/05/2025 17:56

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:37

I wish I had thought of taking off her shoes! I’m so slow 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t think it was that hard, but I also know these are very cheap seats and you can probably feel everything through them.

I agree; I don’t think it’s ever appropriate to use that kind of language in front of a child.

Not appropriate to use bad language in front of a child.
Appropriate for the child to kick the seat in front of them (and hence a person) for hours.
Got it. Consideration is not your strong suit. You sound like a nightmare, not surprising your child is the same.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 17:56

MumChp · 12/05/2025 17:54

How will she cope in school if she can't wait 10 minutes for a drink of water?

Or won't listen to instructions in a less than optimal situation?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 12/05/2025 17:55

It's your job to make sure she doesn't do that Yabu.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 17:55

You could have offered to pay the upgrade for the woman in front?

Iwantmyoldnameback · 12/05/2025 17:55

How long was the plane taxiing for that your daughter had time to dissolve into tears that her drink was in the overhead compartment?

Washingupdone · 12/05/2025 17:54

Maybe take her shoes off and swapped seats with her next time. Some children manage to sit crossed legged.
I know she didn’t kick on purpose but it annoying for the person who is get the kick, as it is a sort of surprise every time to receive it, like a shriek in the ear.
Be prepared next time lots of books to colour or stick in pictures etc and of course drinks.

Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 17:54

Shelby2010 · 12/05/2025 17:45

You have my sympathies. We took DD on an aeroplane at 18months, so she had to sit on my lap for takeoff & landing. She wasn’t happy about it & there wasn’t much room for manoeuvre, as you can imagine with both of us jammed into the narrow space.

Half the age
and you managed the situation

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 17:54

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:51

If never usually having to go without fluids makes a child spoiled, then sure, DD is spoiled.

There’s always a cup at home, school, in the car, at restaurants or any time we’re on the go. Even when hiking I carry multiple 2L water bladders. She was tired and experiencing thirst, possibly for the first time, and I had messed up and wasn’t able to give her a drink for about half an hour.

She listens to rules and instructions like your average not-quite-4 yo. Fairly well if she’s not tired, hungry, thirsty, scared, excited, distracted, curious about something across the shop…

So.... not very much then.
You were going on a flight. You prepare her for that. You check your carry on has everything you need. You engage a nearly 4 year old with various books, puzzles, conversations, whatever.

MumChp · 12/05/2025 17:54

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:51

If never usually having to go without fluids makes a child spoiled, then sure, DD is spoiled.

There’s always a cup at home, school, in the car, at restaurants or any time we’re on the go. Even when hiking I carry multiple 2L water bladders. She was tired and experiencing thirst, possibly for the first time, and I had messed up and wasn’t able to give her a drink for about half an hour.

She listens to rules and instructions like your average not-quite-4 yo. Fairly well if she’s not tired, hungry, thirsty, scared, excited, distracted, curious about something across the shop…

How will she cope in school if she can't wait 10 minutes for a drink of water?

CaptainSevenofNine · 12/05/2025 17:53

The thing is though, it sounds like the seat kicking was more a symptom of size of child and foot dangling at the seat in front than deliberate kicking? It’s almost impossible to stop little legs dangling and “kicking” at some heights. That’s why you can buy foot rests for planes - for short people. To stop the uncomfortable foot dangle.

OP don’t you know you should have tied your DD’s feet down to stop the dangle????

macaroniandcheeze · 12/05/2025 17:52

MumChp · 12/05/2025 16:30

I hate children kicking my seat and I have never allowed my children to do it.

It is clear from the OP that she wasn’t kicking deliberately and yet this is the first reply. Come on.

The woman totally overreacted - as are some posters on here. Children are just small adults struggling in an adult size/shape world. The child wasn’t being deliberately disruptive. The woman was being deliberately antagonistic and unnecessarily sweary.

countingthedays945 · 12/05/2025 17:52

I hate kids kicking my seat. You could have prevented it in a few different ways but it’s passed now. Move on.

Popquorn · 12/05/2025 17:52

I would have paid the £60 myself to move me and DD

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:51

workshy46 · 12/05/2025 17:36

Your child sounds incredibly spoiled tbh.. not even being able to wait a few minutes for a drink before kicking off.
Does your child not follow any of your rules, instructions ?
That being said the other passenger was way out of line with the cursing but probably could see you weren't going to interject or parent so she had to try to deal with it herself

If never usually having to go without fluids makes a child spoiled, then sure, DD is spoiled.

There’s always a cup at home, school, in the car, at restaurants or any time we’re on the go. Even when hiking I carry multiple 2L water bladders. She was tired and experiencing thirst, possibly for the first time, and I had messed up and wasn’t able to give her a drink for about half an hour.

She listens to rules and instructions like your average not-quite-4 yo. Fairly well if she’s not tired, hungry, thirsty, scared, excited, distracted, curious about something across the shop…

OP posts:
Shadowsunray · 12/05/2025 17:51

Your child is badly behaved because you allow it and justify her bad behaviour. It's completely unacceptable for her to kick the seat in front of her. If you can't teach your child to be a decent young human being, keep her at home instead of expecting others to put up with her bad behaviour.

Shelby2010 · 12/05/2025 17:50

Was she actually kicking or just pushing on the back of the seat to stop herself sliding down? It would still feel annoying to the person in front but can’t actually be classed as naughty behaviour.

AgnesX · 12/05/2025 17:49

It must have been an amazingly small plane that a 4 year olds feet were touching the seat in front and so small that she couldn't get comfortable...

Was this some mega cheap American airline?

AzurePanda · 12/05/2025 17:49

Sorry, I have a high tolerance for crying babies and children on aeroplanes but zero for seat kickers. I regularly flew on my own with my 3 between the UK and Australia and would immediately put a stop to any seat kicking.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 17:48

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 12/05/2025 17:47

No, 'eveyone else' does not have to chill.

Quite.

Hoppinggreen · 12/05/2025 17:48

I think most of us DO understand given that most of us have flown with small children

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 12/05/2025 17:47

Onethingafteran0ther · 12/05/2025 16:53

My firstborn is ND and flying is a nightmare because they fidget, have sensory issues etc.
People lose their patience on aeroplanes. Everyone just needs to chill out! Yanbu op xx

No, 'eveyone else' does not have to chill.

pollyglot · 12/05/2025 17:47

I notice in your OP, OP, that you expressed no real sympathy for the woman enduring your child's behaviour. A 4-year old should be better able to listen to instruction, or don't take them long haul. You seem to be able to excuse yourself and your poor organisation. You come over as extremely self-centred. And as for "children missing out on travelling before they're fully developed"...FFS, really?

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 12/05/2025 17:45

An aeroplane may be public transport, but generally you aren't on a bus/train for 10 hours plus (unless you're on an avanti west coast train!). Stress/fear can make someone v tetchy and tbh, any kicking of one's seat will be irritating, and reaches orders of magnitude if it continues.
And of course, parents are blind to their children's annoying little habits foibles, so where they see a bit of fidgeting, the reality is a big bloody annoance to others.

Shelby2010 · 12/05/2025 17:45

You have my sympathies. We took DD on an aeroplane at 18months, so she had to sit on my lap for takeoff & landing. She wasn’t happy about it & there wasn’t much room for manoeuvre, as you can imagine with both of us jammed into the narrow space.

Charmofgoldfinch · 12/05/2025 17:43

if the woman in front hadn’t said anything she would have been kicked in the back for 5 hours. That’s really unacceptable OP. Yes she should not have sworn or shouted - but she also had to call the flight attendant over 4 times until a resolution was found. The woman should not have to pay more to not be kicked in the back.

Swipe left for the next trending thread