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AIBU?

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Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
PrettyPuss · 15/05/2025 17:48

No leg room going by that photo. I think the passenger in front would have felt every little movement. You did what you could, OP.

blubbyblub · 15/05/2025 17:43

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 21:44

Again… in the future, we won’t be flying with that airline/in the cheap seating section. We haven’t had the seat “kicking” issue when we’ve had more space, because then she can fidget without her feet touching the seat in front of her. And I won’t forget to take the bebidas out of the carry on, next time. Problems solved, without being borderline abusive to my child or having to be hermits.

No one is saying the woman’s behaviour was acceptable. But that’s a separate issue. You are determined to insist that it was impossible to stop your dc from kicking the chair in front. Multiple times. Throughout the flight.

the woman’s poor behaviour doesn’t negate your ineffectual parenting

they are both wrongs

blubbyblub · 15/05/2025 17:41

FairPlayer274 · 15/05/2025 03:58

Sure sure sure

You aren’t making yourself look good at all

blubbyblub · 15/05/2025 17:40

Blushingm · 15/05/2025 07:51

Not a perfect traveller, obviously, as he purposely pushed the seat in front!

Even a perfect traveller can stretch and accidentally knock something. This doesn’t stop them being a perfect traveller.

Dweetfidilove · 15/05/2025 14:24

StartEngineStop · 15/05/2025 00:41

Weird.

Weirder that parents are utterly incapable of controlling their children and make excuses for poor behaviour/ being a complete nuisance to others.

TheEveningSun · 15/05/2025 09:16

Blushingm · 15/05/2025 07:51

Not a perfect traveller, obviously, as he purposely pushed the seat in front!

what? Accidentally not purposely!

Blushingm · 15/05/2025 07:51

TheEveningSun · 13/05/2025 21:55

I was on the flight once with my then 4 yo who had exactly the same problem with his legs straight on the seat. Before we took off he stretched and pushed the seat in front of him, I saw it and instantly was going to tell him to be careful not to push the seat in front of him but the B in front turned back straight away and told me to tell my child not to kick her seat 🙄 she didn’t even give me a chance to say something to my son who is a perfect traveller. I was obviously on the edge the whole flight watching his feet like a hawk and moved him slightly down so his legs were hanging. He didn’t do it again and the B at the front spilt coke on her white trousers (not my son’s fault) she got up pissed off swearing loud enough for my kids to hear. I tried hard to hide my satisfaction . Some people just love to hate children on the plane and assume straight away they’d be trouble 🙄

Not a perfect traveller, obviously, as he purposely pushed the seat in front!

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 15/05/2025 05:59

FairPlayer274 · 15/05/2025 03:58

Sure sure sure

Do you actually think it’s abusive to have her sit cross legged?

FairPlayer274 · 15/05/2025 03:58

TheHerboriste · 14/05/2025 21:48

It is not "abusive" to make a child sit cross-legged in an airline seat. My god, I've done it myself as an adult.

Sure sure sure

OP posts:
StartEngineStop · 15/05/2025 00:41

Dweetfidilove · 14/05/2025 11:16

Probably not, as I'd be speaking directly to the child of the incapable parent.

Weird.

ButterCrackers · 14/05/2025 21:54

ASimpleLampoon · 14/05/2025 21:51

The woman's a nasty piece of work for making fun of Tourettes ( both my kids have it).

I d have swapped seats with your DD and kicked the ablelist scumbag harder!

No sympathy for the miserable cow, you did your best. @FairPlayer274

Perhaps someone will kick your seat in or that of your kids just as you would do to this other passenger. No doubt you’d be ok with this.

ASimpleLampoon · 14/05/2025 21:51

The woman's a nasty piece of work for making fun of Tourettes ( both my kids have it).

I d have swapped seats with your DD and kicked the ablelist scumbag harder!

No sympathy for the miserable cow, you did your best. @FairPlayer274

TheHerboriste · 14/05/2025 21:48

It is not "abusive" to make a child sit cross-legged in an airline seat. My god, I've done it myself as an adult.

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 21:46

Riaanna · 14/05/2025 21:24

No one is suggesting you hold her. Did you consistently prompt to do so?

Bro have you read any of this thread? That “suggestion” is literally on every page

OP posts:
FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 21:44

ScaryM0nster · 14/05/2025 20:57

Based on your views on a child needing to keep to a limited space, and your lack of recognition that travelling with a young child needs significant planning and preparation - can I suggest you don’t travel long haul again for the foreseeable future. It’s perfectly plausible for the seat belt light to be on for a large portion of the journey. Which would necessitate your child being held in an uncomfortable position. Up until they reach a size where the seat ergonomics are suitable for them.

The sleeper train to Scotland gives each person a bed if you book one. Plenty of space to move around and no seat belt requirements.

Again… in the future, we won’t be flying with that airline/in the cheap seating section. We haven’t had the seat “kicking” issue when we’ve had more space, because then she can fidget without her feet touching the seat in front of her. And I won’t forget to take the bebidas out of the carry on, next time. Problems solved, without being borderline abusive to my child or having to be hermits.

OP posts:
Riaanna · 14/05/2025 21:24

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 20:42

You can go ahead and physically hold your children in uncomfortable positions if you’d like with the justification that it’s okay because “they’re small.” I will not be doing that.

No one is suggesting you hold her. Did you consistently prompt to do so?

ScaryM0nster · 14/05/2025 20:57

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 20:42

You can go ahead and physically hold your children in uncomfortable positions if you’d like with the justification that it’s okay because “they’re small.” I will not be doing that.

Based on your views on a child needing to keep to a limited space, and your lack of recognition that travelling with a young child needs significant planning and preparation - can I suggest you don’t travel long haul again for the foreseeable future. It’s perfectly plausible for the seat belt light to be on for a large portion of the journey. Which would necessitate your child being held in an uncomfortable position. Up until they reach a size where the seat ergonomics are suitable for them.

The sleeper train to Scotland gives each person a bed if you book one. Plenty of space to move around and no seat belt requirements.

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 20:51

beastieboysontour · 14/05/2025 15:49

All of this before they'd even taken off !!....I'm 5' 8" and my knees don't even touch the seat in front so I find it difficult for a child of that age (even with boat feet) to be tall enough to do this without slouching down especially if she had her seat belt on
You could have rolled up a jumper etc to put under her calves to make her comfy

I have flown economy with other airlines, and there was much more space than there was on this flight. I’m thinking any adult who’s over 5’10 would have had their knees in the seatback.

A roll under her calves wouldn’t have helped; it would have just locked her knees out and placed her feet directly against the seatback. Perhaps if I did one or two behind her back, so she could sit comfortably further up and bend her knees more (which would put her feet further down and away from the seatback), but I’m not sure if that makes it less safe or not.

Airplane drama!
OP posts:
FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 20:42

blubbyblub · 14/05/2025 15:47

She’s a small child. Curling up in the seat is not abusive ffs. This comment alone tells me how out of touch you are and how keen you are to justify entitled behaviour.
abuse ffs

You can go ahead and physically hold your children in uncomfortable positions if you’d like with the justification that it’s okay because “they’re small.” I will not be doing that.

OP posts:
StartEngineStop · 14/05/2025 19:46

pollyglot · 14/05/2025 06:59

FairPlayer274 · Today 06:50

SnakesAndArrows · Today 06:42
But she was wearing her seat belt, so couldn’t have slipped further forwards, so could not have been touching the seat.

If her feet moved upwards at all, because of the angle of the seat, they made contact. She could also slide forward with the seatbelt still fastened by slouching down, which she was doing in order to be able to bend her knees, and then I imagine her back started to hurt, so she wriggled upright again.

OK. OP, fair dos. You've made your point. As I said before, your Little Sweetheart is incapable of any misdemeanour. We get that.

I have seen SO MANY parents over 47 years in schools who believe exactly the same. Let them off the hook every time. Always someone else's fault. And you know what? NOBODY likes them. The kids, I mean. They have no friends. Kids, on the whole, are very fair, and respect discipline. They like boundaries. Kids whose parents are always at the school office making complaints about teachers and other pupils are treated as pariahs. Do you want that for your child? Toughen up and give much stronger guidance. Don't make excuses because you are too lazy or inadequate to teach them good manners.

Wow. I’ve met people like you before. You’re not even trying to hide it.

laraitopbanana · 14/05/2025 18:59

Tiredofallthis101 · 13/05/2025 19:07

Having just got off a flight with a rowdy two year old who it was almost impossible to restrain despite my best efforts I'm on your side OP. My little one repeatedly hit the seat in front, wormed around and shook my seat so it probably annoyed the people behind, kept fiddling with the tray table, hit me in the face, threw stuff around etc. Each thing he only managed to do once before being restrained but it is impossible to physically restrain a small child constantly for hours.

Despite this massively annoying screaming shouting rowdy beast in our seat do you know what our neighbouring passengers did? Smiled at him and tried to distract him and/or ignored him. Whilst I totally get how annoying it is and could myself have inwardly been having the thoughts this woman verbalised, I would never ever have been outwardly so rude even in my worst moments. Your poor daughter.

Edited

Yeap.

If adults can’t control themselves…they shouldn’t ask a kid to do it. They probably made it worse…

Supergirl1958 · 14/05/2025 18:38

Boomer55 · 14/05/2025 16:39

This. Other people’s badly behaved kids are a nightmare on flights. 🙄

So that makes it acceptable to be a badly behaved adult?

heroinechic · 14/05/2025 18:09

Sofiewoo · 14/05/2025 08:09

To be fair I would have thought a kid kicking the seat was a little shit before I had them, then I flew this weekend with my 3 year old and they were the exact wrong height and when they say their feet stuck right out and hit the seat. Any time she moved at all her shoes would bang against the seat, but at no point was she purposely kicking it. I had to take her shoes off and take all the tat out of the seat pocket to try and reduce the annoyance.

I’ve also flown on my own a lot with them and once a woman complained loudly and asked to be move before take off just because she seen me with a baby sat behind her. Some people are just arseholes no matter what you do.

Lol we had this too. We took our 9 month old on honeymoon with us last year (long haul flight to the Caribbean). We were flying premium and I’ve never experienced people being so disappointed to see my child before (or since!). She was an absolute angel on the flight and didn’t cry once (there or back), probably helped that I was breastfeeding.

She was actually much better behaved than some of the adults in our cabin who were taking advantage of the open bar. She had many fans by the time we touched down!

Sofiewoo · 14/05/2025 17:03

Waitingforspring77 · 14/05/2025 16:56

*when she saw you had a baby

What a valuable contribution to the conversation.

Waitingforspring77 · 14/05/2025 16:56

Sofiewoo · 14/05/2025 16:39

Not sure how that’s even relevant to me? My child didn’t kick or scream, some utter self entitled person complained loudly and rudely demanded to be moved when she seen I had a baby.
Interesting how the ‘you don’t know what the other person is going through’ only goes one way it seems.

*when she saw you had a baby