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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 12/05/2025 20:08

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:40

I just don’t think that works for every child. I’ve had parents sat behind me telling their kids over and over and still not getting them to stop doing whatever behaviour they’re trying to stop. I’m not going to pin it all on their parenting.

You should

Greenartywitch · 12/05/2025 20:07

Well, nobody wants to seat for 5 hours and have their seat constantly kicked by a child.

Your job as a parent is to keep your daughter occupied and to teach her that kicking is not OK.

It sounds like you were not well prepared and that made things worse.

Yes that woman was over the top in the way she reacted, but you should understand that you and your kid were causing the issue and the passenger should not have to put up with it.

TaggieO · 12/05/2025 20:07

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 20:03

Well done, it's tough will a child with additional needs. Your hard work is obviously paying off, though.

We’ve not really had a choice as most of our family live overseas so we do need to fly. I literally bring a whole carry on just of fidget toys, books and snacks and a loaded tablet to make sure he’s not disturbing people. It’s not easy but other people have paid for their seats too so it’s not fair to disturb them if we can avoid it.

fox919 · 12/05/2025 20:04

Holiday24 · 12/05/2025 18:02

These things happen. Children are difficult sometimes (especially in confined spaces!) and you did your best to stop her.

What I've learnt through my life is that no matter how hard you try, you're always going to piss someone off. So I try my best to be kind to others, but if I do manage to annoy someone I apologise and move on. In return, I try to be patient and accommodating to others, even if they're slightly irritating. It makes life easier all round.

So, I guess what I'm saying is - don't dwell on it! You'll have learnt some lessons for next time, but the woman sounds like she's easily provoked so I wouldn't worry that you've upset her.

I agree with this. Honestly if it was as you describe then I personally don’t think yabu 🤷‍♀️ kids don’t always do what we want them to, and in certain situations it’s significantly harder to discipline than others. From my experience planes are one of the trickiest places to try to discipline and not bother others through that process (unless you have very obedient children!)

My eldest was very obedient and would have been no bother. My 2 youngest are very determined and strong willed and disciplining them is entirely different. Without the tools of removing them from the situation or distracting them, discipline is generally pretty noisy unfortunately so would definitely have pissed of WIFOY.

No it’s not ideal, but it’s just a part of living in a world with other people! Sometimes people do things that annoy us, especially children who are still learning about being considerate and social rules and niceties. As long as you were doing your best to do something about it then I wouldn’t have been annoyed, I would’ve been sympathetic.

Mix56 · 12/05/2025 20:03

Children do not need immediate access to a drink 24/7
If you can fit in the seat, a 4 year old has loads of space
She only had to be strapped down for 5 minutes for the actual take off.
She clearly doesn’t do what she’s told,
Yes she is nearly 4, but paying for more room is pointless, the problem will persist , “she wasn't sitting still”

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 20:03

TaggieO · 12/05/2025 20:01

Her language was awful but I don’t get why you didn’t stop your DD kicking the seats? My DS is profoundly autistic and developmentally about 2 years old but we don’t let him do it? We distract, distract, distract and also hold his feet if he’s flailing them around. I don't get why you let her carry on doing it.

Well done, it's tough will a child with additional needs. Your hard work is obviously paying off, though.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 20:01

Booboobagins · 12/05/2025 20:00

She clearly tried to do that and distract her.

Honestly I wonder if many people posting have actually had children - real children who got upset when they were uncomfortable. As an adult if Im uncomfortable I move, dont you?!

You make me laugh!

Well, she failed. It's not ok to have a child repeatedly kick the back of your seat on a plane.

TaggieO · 12/05/2025 20:01

Her language was awful but I don’t get why you didn’t stop your DD kicking the seats? My DS is profoundly autistic and developmentally about 2 years old but we don’t let him do it? We distract, distract, distract and also hold his feet if he’s flailing them around. I don't get why you let her carry on doing it.

Booboobagins · 12/05/2025 20:00

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 19:05

The reaction wouldn't have happened if the OP had stopped her child.

She clearly tried to do that and distract her.

Honestly I wonder if many people posting have actually had children - real children who got upset when they were uncomfortable. As an adult if Im uncomfortable I move, dont you?!

You make me laugh!

Blueskybird · 12/05/2025 19:59

Distraction, distraction, distraction always take plenty of different stuff to occupy. My son Never kicked the seat in front I simply wouldn’t allow it. We coloured, played games, watched Thomas the tank, (with headphones) ate, counted and then normally slept. It is highly irritating to be kicked you feel everting from behind. However, the woman in fronts behaviour was TOTALLY unacceptable there are ways and means of complaining. On a family flight I would have had words with her to keep her language in check and mutual consideration and respect from all parties. Ultimately if she carried on effing and jeffing she would have been kicked off the flight. In my experience parents just don’t instil enough consideration on flights.

nomoremsniceperson · 12/05/2025 19:58

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 19:36

Eh? She doesn't write it as if she's American!
She's not being criticised for that. She's being criticised for not managing the behaviour of her child.
However, there's lots of good advice for her on here, so hopefully she'll manage better next time.

Some kids are harder to manage than others. I work with kids and families - believe me, it's not always the parents' fault. At 3-4 some children are just not great at doing what they're told.
The WIF sounds certifiably insane and incredibly unpleasant/aggressive.
People on here are being very weird.

Booboobagins · 12/05/2025 19:58

vintagecrow · 12/05/2025 19:14

I’ve travelled on 24hr flights since our children were basically newborn. OP did not do well in this case. She did not even understand that perhaps she should have taken the shoes off. A car seat for a 4-year old on a plane is just ridiculous.

Where her partner was in all this OP won’t say.

A car seat is normal on flights in USA!

She described her child - her legs were uncomfortable because when she sat in the seat she could not bend her knees. She has big feet so obviously she's going to catch the seat in front as her legs are straight. How much leg room is there on a flight in economy? Error very little!

I believe the OP did her best under the circumstances.

All she's had is judgemental people telling her she should have done ABC. No consideration about the adults horrible unnecessary behaviour at all and just for a few minutes with no suggestion to switch seats, they were demanding a free upgrade! Entitled or what?

And FYI, I too took my kids, who are just 14m apart in age, all over the world from 3m of age. We holidayed for 8 weeks every year until they went to school then kicked it back to 6 weeks. They never kicked anyone's seat. So, dont tell me about flights and kids, I dont need your counselling or criticism! Now, wind your neck in.

ChompandaGrazia · 12/05/2025 19:57

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:35

We are 32000 ft in the air and level. The seatbelt sign is off.

I feel like you’ve never flown before

You are in the air right now? WiFi on planes costs a fortune. You’ve paid for it just to post this?

rrrrrreatt · 12/05/2025 19:51

Saying the flight was doomed is doing your child a disservice - this wasn’t inevitable, both you and WIFOU are to blame. Her reaction was disproportionate but you should have planned ahead and prepared for this.

There will be lots of times in life your daughter’s needs can’t be immediately met so you have to teach her to sit (literally and metaphorically) with temporary discomfort. All children in daycare/with siblings learn to sit with thirst whilst waiting for a drink and restricting their movement to respect personal space by 4 because their needs have to be balanced with the needs of others.

Of course, they won’t do it perfectly 100% of the time but children that don’t learn to tolerate temporary discomfort become intolerant adults like the WIFOU.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 19:51

Scentedjasmin · 12/05/2025 19:48

Because we are talking about a small child here and a mother trying her best. People are not perfect. I'm sure that there are plenty of occasions when people have had to accommodate you one way or the other. It's just basic kindness.

You don't accommodate a child kicking the back of your seat. That's not kindness, that's being a doormat.

HornungTheHelpful · 12/05/2025 19:49

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:40

I just don’t think that works for every child. I’ve had parents sat behind me telling their kids over and over and still not getting them to stop doing whatever behaviour they’re trying to stop. I’m not going to pin it all on their parenting.

How about pinning it on their poor preparation and selfishness? Yes, you can’t stop a small baby crying, but you can distract a small child with snacks, games, drinks, tv, books on tape, looking out the window, reading quietly to them. You can also walk them - not ideal - but a way to give those around you respite.

or if you can’t manage the preparation and entertainment (no judgement from me - we’ve just come back from the US on a flight where I was sandwiched between our 5 year old and 3 year old. Entertaining them was very hard work) then you don’t travel for that long. If you decide that you are going to inflict that long a flight on a small child, and that long a flight in the vicinity of a small child on other passengers it behoves you - the person with the choice - to make it as bearable as possible for them. That is probably going to be done at the expense of it being bearable to you.

Either don’t go or treat it as a military operation: you need to be that organised and that prepared to suffer losses yourself (I’m only half joking). Sounds like you weren’t either. Now you know - be prepared, or don’t go for another 4ish years (on same trip 7 year old was much less work 🤣). Yes your fellow passenger was rude but that doesn’t excuse your rudeness by failing to sufficiently limit your daughter’s impact on those around you.

Scentedjasmin · 12/05/2025 19:48

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 19:39

"she did her best to stop her child"
That didn't work though. Why should others have to put up with that?

Because we are talking about a small child here and a mother trying her best. People are not perfect. I'm sure that there are plenty of occasions when people have had to accommodate you one way or the other. It's just basic kindness.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 19:48

@Greybeardy that's awful. Sorry for your loss 💐.

Greybeardy · 12/05/2025 19:43

Haven't RTFT, but in case no one's suggested it... do you know why that woman was taking the flight? Badly behaved children are irritating enough at the best of times but perhaps she was already going through something much worse than you've imagined... the last flight I took was to organise repatriating my sibling's body after they'd killed themselves and i probably would have been rather unhinged if a small child had spent the entire trip behaving how you've described.

Scentedjasmin · 12/05/2025 19:43

Blimey, what a load of intolerant people on this thread. If I had been in front I wouldn't have said anything at all. I would have found it annoying but accepted that it was a small child. At the point where the person in front shouted and swore at your daughter, I would have summoned the FA over and asked her to intervene or see if you could have changed seats.

VivIsBlonde · 12/05/2025 19:43

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:23

Right, let me just keep one arm pressed down on her legs while also trying to distribute snacks and entertainment to keep her quiet in a 2 sq ft area without elbowing the person next to me constantly, making a mess, or unfastening my seatbelt and delaying the entire plane.

More space, next time. (and no, I’m not exaggerating the dimensions. I’m attaching a photo of my knee almost against the seatback. I am 5’5/65 cm)

If she can’t sit still and didn’t stop kicking the seat in front, and she obviously doesn’t listen to you, then you should have not given her anything until she behaved and done what she was told!!
you’re rewarding bad behaviour!!

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 19:43

Clafoutie · 12/05/2025 19:41

They don’t have to put up with it. But it also doesn’t give them licence to be verbally abusive about a child.

True. However, the verbal abuse was triggered by a badly behaved child not being told to stop kicking the seat in front. A basic, really.

Clafoutie · 12/05/2025 19:41

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 19:39

"she did her best to stop her child"
That didn't work though. Why should others have to put up with that?

They don’t have to put up with it. But it also doesn’t give them licence to be verbally abusive about a child.

Arancia · 12/05/2025 19:40

I mean, nobody likes to sit in front of a child kicking their seat from behind. It's super annoying and uncomfortable. But it's absolutely not acceptable to yell, scream and curse at people, and definitely not children. Your poor daughter, having to endure this kind of verbal abuse.

Sadly, it doesn't sound like you were very well-prepared for this flight, and you paid the price for it. You had an unfortunate and upsetting experience, but hopefully it has taught you what NOT to do for the next time you are travelling with your child. Yes, do upgrade to better seats so your daughter sits comfortably, and do remember to pack things she might need in your carry-on.

Hope the next flight will be much better.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 19:39

"she did her best to stop her child"
That didn't work though. Why should others have to put up with that?