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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
TheOtherBennetGirl · 12/05/2025 20:44

This sounds like it was a really frustrating experience for everyone involved. For your daughter, who was uncomfortable and expressing those feelings. For you, trying and being unable to meet your daughter's needs with what you had on hand. And for the people in front, who wanted space and peace. Frustration led to some poor choices and no one wins. I hope you all got to your destinations and were able to decompress.

CantStopMoving · 12/05/2025 20:43

Riaanna · 12/05/2025 19:06

I’ve got official fidgets - adhd ASD etc. all manageable if you plan.

Not worth it. We just didn’t fly till she was old enough and now she’s great at travelling. Why risk it? We knew our daughter wouldn’t sit still and whilst we’d keep her entertained for a few hours, 5-8 hours was always going to be difficult. Only so much you can do even with well behaved children. Our other child was very easy to keep entertained and still. Just different personalities - you have to adapt yourself to your child.

Mostunexpected · 12/05/2025 20:42

Could you have upgraded to the better seats at that point?

DearDeadrie · 12/05/2025 20:37

As a reasonable adult i wouldn't worry about a child getting fidgety before take off i have had many adults behind me getting fidgety and to be honest being on a plane isn't the most comfortable experience for anyone, but it does not excuse this woman's rude behaviour, unlike being on a bus or train you have to be strapped in for some time and you can't freely walk about, even when you are airborne you can't walk due to the drinks trolly and people needing the toilet.
Being an adult means you should be tolerant of other people's discomfort and do your best.
Sorry I do not think you were in the wrong at all, and you did your best.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 20:37

pepperminticecream · 12/05/2025 20:36

Agreed, limiting children’s involvement in the world isn’t the answer. We have a fidgety 4 year old—who has traveled long haul to 14 countries. Planning ahead is key, and also I find that other parents on planes are very understanding. I remember one time when they were very little they were struggling to sit still and crying and the people in front of us told us not to worry, kids will be kids! We’ve had some grumpy people on planes who roll their eyes when the baby cries but we’ve also had far more people tell us that our kids are wonderful and great travelers.

a plane isn’t a spa, kids are allowed to be kids and shouldn’t be expected to morph into tiny adults when put on a plane. And parents should do their best to soothe and entertain kids so they aren’t disruptive.

Good points 👍

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 12/05/2025 20:36

I’m sorry OP, the situation sounds horrible. I know what it’s like trying to keep kids still. They’re not comfy and in unnatural settings. Kids aren’t meant to sit still. The lady sounds horrible. That language is just unacceptable.

some people on the thread are obviously too perfect and they’re children are also perfect.

Edited for typo

pepperminticecream · 12/05/2025 20:36

Riaanna · 12/05/2025 19:06

I’ve got official fidgets - adhd ASD etc. all manageable if you plan.

Agreed, limiting children’s involvement in the world isn’t the answer. We have a fidgety 4 year old—who has traveled long haul to 14 countries. Planning ahead is key, and also I find that other parents on planes are very understanding. I remember one time when they were very little they were struggling to sit still and crying and the people in front of us told us not to worry, kids will be kids! We’ve had some grumpy people on planes who roll their eyes when the baby cries but we’ve also had far more people tell us that our kids are wonderful and great travelers.

a plane isn’t a spa, kids are allowed to be kids and shouldn’t be expected to morph into tiny adults when put on a plane. And parents should do their best to soothe and entertain kids so they aren’t disruptive.

PointsSouth · 12/05/2025 20:34

rosemarble · 12/05/2025 16:57

If the woman is anything like me, she may already have been on edge having seen the child behind her and been snapped as soon as she felt the first kick.

I hate anyone behind me in planes, cinemas, concerts.

.....what?

Bepo77 · 12/05/2025 20:32

Jeez my son is 2.5 and it sounds like you’re describing a toddler of the same age! She’s a big girl now, you need to start treating her like one. Is she your only child by any chance?

FedupofArsenalgame · 12/05/2025 20:31

Jujujudo · 12/05/2025 18:28

This thread is filled with a bunch of mean spirited, nasty people. Children have as much right to travel as adults because they are just as much a part of society as everyone else. They are children so of course they are noisy and annoying. Adults can also be noisy and annoying. That’s life. Being generous, kind and empathic helps enormously in situations like this. It’s hard for us to sit for 5 hours in one place, imagine how hard it is for a child! And to say it’s bad parenting is insanity!!!! Children don’t have the same impulse control as adults. When we fly we have to accept it’s cramped, smelly, inconvenient and uncomfortable. If we feel entitled to fly in comfort and silence we should pay for business or first class. Urgh, you’ve all made me feel itchy with your judgemental comments.

The kid was kicking BEFORE take of . So not 5 hours

pepperminticecream · 12/05/2025 20:30

ChompandaGrazia · 12/05/2025 19:57

You are in the air right now? WiFi on planes costs a fortune. You’ve paid for it just to post this?

WiFi does not cost a fortune! Most flights have free WiFi and if not then it’s under £20. Certainly not and insurmountable amount of money!

PassTheLemonDrizzle · 12/05/2025 20:30

So, an adult woman has a full blown tantrum yet everyone is piling on the 3 year old? YANBU

HornungTheHelpful · 12/05/2025 20:28

CatherineofIslington · 12/05/2025 20:15

These days! Are you 100 years old? I am 50 and I had some good and some bad flights with my children. I have had worse flights with adults displaying bad behaviour than children to be fair…

As I’ve wittered on about above, my children are 7, 5 and 3. I am “parents these days” and I completely agree with @Spirallingdownwards . Maybe the adults you mention are the children who didn’t have boundaries or consequences for bad behaviour?

Im not the best disciplinarian but even I despair where the op says but you can’t make a 3 year old do something. If you have that attitude how do you keep them safe if, for example, you can’t make them stay on the pavement and not run into the road?

As I’ve said, I accept I don’t have the best discipline but I still made a spirited and partially successful attempt to prevent 3yo’s (equally spirited attempt) to make noise through a two minute’s silence. I didn’t completely manage it but I am absolutely sure that we got much more understanding because people could see me trying (and the real answer was don’t take her because I couldn’t guarantee her silence. I wouldn’t do it again - which is the alternative solution I’ve suggested to the OP re flying)

Helen1625 · 12/05/2025 20:26

With the greatest of respect, you sound like you go with 'gentle parenting'. Perhaps you could try being firmer and set clear boundaries.

The woman was out of order swearing the way she did and I would have rained hell on her if she spoke to my child like that - but my child wouldn't have been allowed to behave like that in the first place.

It doesn't sound like she kept 'forgetting ' to cross her legs. It sounds to me like she was being defiant.

Like others have said, I'd have put my hands in front of her feet, held her legs, kept her legs crossed, anything that would have prevented her from repeatedly touching the seat in front with her feet.

I have been on the receiving end of having my chair kicked and its annoying. Once or twice is forgivable, after that it starts to seem deliberate or careless, as in, the person doesn't care that they are being annoying.

There's also a difference between a child who is genuinely upset and one that is left to cry without being comforted, or challenged because they are whinging for the sake of it.

Parents CAN correct their child's behaviour if they choose. To say otherwise is just an excuse.

CalleOcho · 12/05/2025 20:26

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:46

I encouraged her to sit cross legged until the plane went up, but she kept forgetting and straightening them out again.

I really do think she would have done better if we had more space

You should have paid for a £60 upgrade then if economy was too small for a child.

🙄

pepperminticecream · 12/05/2025 20:26

I get what you’re saying OP, I remember my oldest being at that age and their little legs stick straight out so everytime they move their feet hit the seat in front of them, not on purpose but because their bodies don’t behave the same way an adults would where their feet go straight down.

I am of the mind that as long as parent is doing their best and isn’t ignoring their child then there isn’t much that can be done. Being contained in a small space is hard and everyone needs to have grace when dealing with small children.

catkeys · 12/05/2025 20:23

YABU. You can’t have sat in a seat with a child kicking the back of it before. It’s infuriating! I’ve held my tongue during films and shows though I’ve been very tempted to say something. I certainly would for a 5 hour flight!

funinthesun19 · 12/05/2025 20:21

Oh she was spoiling for a fucking fight as soon as she got on that plane.

YANBU.

CatherineofIslington · 12/05/2025 20:15

Spirallingdownwards · 12/05/2025 20:12

I had 3 active boys who did travel extensively and who knew how to behave on a plane. They all knew it was unacceptable to kick the seats in front and unacceptable to have a meltdown if they couldn't get access to a drink instantly. It seems these days some parents aren't prepared to set boundaries or have consequences for poor behaviour.

These days! Are you 100 years old? I am 50 and I had some good and some bad flights with my children. I have had worse flights with adults displaying bad behaviour than children to be fair…

HornungTheHelpful · 12/05/2025 20:15

Booboobagins · 12/05/2025 20:00

She clearly tried to do that and distract her.

Honestly I wonder if many people posting have actually had children - real children who got upset when they were uncomfortable. As an adult if Im uncomfortable I move, dont you?!

You make me laugh!

So you teach them to tolerate discomfort. Again, one of mine had a condition (the same one I have) that makes it difficult and uncomfortable to stay in one position. That child was on the aisle seat next to me with another adult on the other side. We got her up regularly to walk, she sat on the knee of all three adults (only siblings were next to said adults) and we’d prepared her for it being uncomfortable beforehand; at 5 she could better understand and process that but we spent a lot of time prepping the three year old for how long the flight would be, what she would be able to do, what she wouldn’t be able to do and behaviour expectations. We’re either perfect? No, but any bad behaviour jumped on pronto? Yes. Of course the three year old - or the five year old tbh - could have completely lost it and we’d have been screwed. But we reduced the risk of that and tbf it sounds like the OP’s daughter hadn’t lost it, more that OP was a bit wet.

BlackSwan · 12/05/2025 20:14

ChompandaGrazia · 12/05/2025 19:57

You are in the air right now? WiFi on planes costs a fortune. You’ve paid for it just to post this?

I was on a long haul flight last week & had free WiFi. But not economy.

Iceandfire92 · 12/05/2025 20:14

So in other words, you allowed your daughter to kick the woman's seat and disturb others by passively allowing her to behave like a whining brat the entire flight. It must have been torturous for this poor woman. This is what you do, you discipline her and stop her from disturbing others who are uncomfortable enough as it is in economy. Most people cannot afford business class to avoid this, it costs a small fortune. Small children and babies should be banned flights in my opinion unless there are extenuating circumstances.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 20:14

Arancia · 12/05/2025 20:10

I would agree if we were talking about an adult kicking the seat, or a parent who isn't trying their best to settle their child. But in some cases, you can't completely stop a child from annoying people with their crying or fidgeting - short of throwing them out of the plane.

I'm not even a particularly patient or tolerant person, but even I would have some compassion in this situation, or even suggest the solution they ended up with: changing seats.

Crying or fidgeting isn't a problem. I used to regularly fly long haul. That's not a problem. You can tune a lot of stuff out and deal with it.
However, this is a child - not a toddler, who was repeatedly kicking the back of a seat. That's not ok.

Spirallingdownwards · 12/05/2025 20:12

Booboobagins · 12/05/2025 20:00

She clearly tried to do that and distract her.

Honestly I wonder if many people posting have actually had children - real children who got upset when they were uncomfortable. As an adult if Im uncomfortable I move, dont you?!

You make me laugh!

I had 3 active boys who did travel extensively and who knew how to behave on a plane. They all knew it was unacceptable to kick the seats in front and unacceptable to have a meltdown if they couldn't get access to a drink instantly. It seems these days some parents aren't prepared to set boundaries or have consequences for poor behaviour.

Arancia · 12/05/2025 20:10

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 19:51

You don't accommodate a child kicking the back of your seat. That's not kindness, that's being a doormat.

I would agree if we were talking about an adult kicking the seat, or a parent who isn't trying their best to settle their child. But in some cases, you can't completely stop a child from annoying people with their crying or fidgeting - short of throwing them out of the plane.

I'm not even a particularly patient or tolerant person, but even I would have some compassion in this situation, or even suggest the solution they ended up with: changing seats.